Losing it in Utah now.

152.2...again.

2010-09-07T09:25:00.000-07:00

I've been indulging my Spoiled Brat side which means that I can't lose weight. So I am buckling down again and writing all of my intake.

You know what else helps? Tomatoes. I LOOOVE tomatoes, but not store-bought. You HAVE to have the homegrown tomatoes or you might as well just eat a water balloon. Blech. But they're so good with a little salt or sliced on bread. It's amazing.

It's finally harvest time and I am so excited.

And I got back on the Running horse. No, not a real horse, I just popped in my PodRunner podcast again and I started back up. These days I've tried a new technique of running more on the balls of my feet than striking with the heels. It means that when I run, I'm not slamming into the ground. It's a lot smoother but it's also a lot harder on the calves. I'm going to be aching today!

I want to see the 140s soon. I'm hoping that by Thanksgiving, I'm there. That's only just shy of 3 months, I can make it, right? I only have Halloween to worry about there and, of course, my inner Spoiled Brat who needs a good paddling and a time out.

Still, I'm doing well health wise, which is awesome. :D

152.2

2010-07-31T09:42:00.000-07:00

Well, I was quite surprised to find that it was rather effective, attempting to limit my refined sugar. It was a weak attempt, I have to admit because there were times that I indulged. But I will try again this week to limit the amount of sweets that I eat and try to find healthier alternatives.

I am such a spoiled brat inside, you know that? I wonder if we all have these inner spoiled brats, the ones demanding for this or that thing. The ones that pull urgently at our shirts until we go to the chips and candy aisle, pointing out one thing after another and throwing a temper tantrum until we give in. The ones that know all the best treats in all the worst places.

I need to give my own inner spoiled brat a very good talking to and a time out. If only I knew how. But what works is when I'm dying for something sweet, I have cherries and grapes and pineapples and Fuji apples to sate me instead and then though I still crave the sweet, I am content with far less. Just three M&Ms (no really) and a small bowl of grapes and I'm good!

What other secrets do people employ to satisfy our inner spoiled brats?

Probation!

2010-07-27T10:56:00.000-07:00

I went out to Mimi's Cafe with my aunt for lunch and we got to talking about dieting habits that worked for us. I'm sure that it wasn't the best topic when we were intending to semi-blow the diet for lunch (I still managed to stay on point a little) but conversations are free range and tend to go anywhere.

Aunt Lea mentioned that the only time she really lost weight was when she began cutting out refined sugars. I thought about it and have been thinking about it since. It's a big sore spot, this sweet tooth of mine. I always have a desire for more and more sweets when I don't really need them. So if I can just cut down until I can cut it out entirely, that may really lend itself to more effective weight loss.

So now I am on Sugar Probation. I will allow myself 3 points of refined sugar a day this week instead of splurging and try to find healthy alternatives to sate my crazy sweet tooth.

157.2 - Everyone cries 'Say uncle!'

2010-06-10T09:26:00.001-07:00

I changed my weigh in day for Saturday mornings. It's easier that way and I feel like I don't have to starve myself all day on Tuesday for an evening meeting, especially when I have knit nights every other Tuesday that I would rather not miss.

I have been buckling down on tracking and exercise. Every MWF is my 3 mile walk day. I will usually have my phone with me hooked into Pandora and listen to that while I walk along. It's beautiful but it has also been getting warmer and I can't wear my jacket which means the phone has to go in the only pocket available, the bra. It makes it just a little damp and I worry about damage to the phone but so far so good, the phone has survived the cleavage carry. I love the walk, it's so pretty, I live in gorgeous country.

On TRSs, I do Jillian's 30 day shred. It's a tough one and I still work on mastering the advanced levels and I'm doing better at pushups from the toes rather than the knees but still I struggle a good bit. And sweat! I'm thinking when i'm older, I'll be like my mom and sweat like I'd just taken a shower while putting on makeup! Ugh, I hope not.

But all in all, I feel fantastic. I have firmer thighs, tentatively bulging deltoids and I have energy every morning!

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words to live by

2010-05-20T09:08:00.000-07:00

Okay, sometimes the exercise is so hard, there is no actual physical advantage to even half-heartedly attempting it. *sighs and goes back to Level 2 of Jillian Michael's 30-day shred*

158.2 - Resolved again

2010-05-19T09:14:00.000-07:00

It's so muggy out that my 3 mile walk was a little damp and uncomfortable. As was the 2 near misses by the rather crazy Utah drivers around here. I could be out in the middle of the field and a car would probably STILL buzz me. Graaagh! Still, done.

Sadly, at WW, I gained 0.4 pounds. :( So much for my 5 pound weight loss. But I think I just did too much exercising and...well, eating too.

At least I have shoulder muscles! Woo!

Landmark! 157.8

2010-05-11T18:51:00.000-07:00

After gaining a little last week, I lost 1.4 pounds this week, putting me at 157.8 pounds, which is FIVE POUNDS from when I started at 162.8 pounds. Yes!

What worked? Exercise worked. You don't need a gym pass, you don't need anything but a pair of good shoes and you can walk in street clothes to wherever. But I like workout videos. And my video has helped a LOT. I wake up every morning with energy and anticipation for working out yet again. I love my muscles. I love getting into fresh-washed jeans without having to really struggle.

Y'know, the hardest part is journaling though. But it has also really helped so much to be faithful to the journal. I can see where I'm at, I can see where I'm going. I can control myself and my diet better this way.

I AM in control. I AM responsible. I CAN be my goal weight!

158.8 - Wild Abandonment

2010-04-22T10:32:00.000-07:00

I lost 2 pounds at the last weigh-in, hooray! And when I put the new weight into my WW, I lost a point as well! So now I'm 21 points instead of 22 and I celebrated with a bit of, uh, binging. I'm not sure what went wrong in my head. I just clicked and decided to eat.

I'll be much better today. I promise.

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2010-04-15T15:10:00.000-07:00

moar funny pictures

Ugh. Just ugh.

Yesterday I was feeling pretty dang blue in the evening so I went to town. Disregarded all points and ate like my heart was broken, which it WASN'T. And I'm not an emotional eater because that crap doesn't work on me. But heck, there was food there and why not? By the way, lower-fat chips still don't do a thing if you eat a lot of them. Just food for thought.

Today I'm being very good. At least, as good as I can be without recording my points, oh for shame on me.

I'm going to do better, really! :(

160.8 New week

2010-04-13T21:05:00.001-07:00

I have to admit that today was kind of a toss-away day. Once mom and I got home, we went to town with Sandies, spaghetti, and PB M&Ms. But at least we both had good news. Despite gaining 5 pounds of cast, mom only gained 2 pounds according to the WW scale so she lost 3. And obvious, I lost 2 pounds myself. I am quite proud of myself.

This week I plan on continuing to journal. :) Online or on the paper, it's good to have it around. I am going to try something new, as well. I am going to plan what I will eat and do my very best to stick to it.

I hope this works out, it would be nice if it did. :)

I should also stop watching Food Network at night. *coff*

2010-04-12T12:44:00.000-07:00

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So here it is, the day before weigh-in. Have I learned control in 7 days? No. I had two brownies (5 points a piece) just today to go with my 6" Black Forest Ham Sub sammich from Subway.

I guess there isn't much one can expect after a mere 7 days. However, here is a small list of things I do know about me:

- I know that I get 'hungry' when I am tired or bored. Particularly at work, I tend to just eat and eat when it's late.

- Sometimes I just want a *taste* of something. The best way to deal with this is tea. I love Rooibos but Zhena's Gypsy Teas has a little something more: Luminous Lemon which has a bit of a chamomile aftertaste and really a beautiful, well-rounded tea. And perfect for the warmer weather! I also recommend the Red Lavendar, the Pumpkin Spice, and the Caramel Apple, the latter two being more appropriate for when the cold chill of fall comes to change the leaves their different colors.

- I do dislike running. I love to walk much better even if it takes longer. I guess I'll just never be a marathoner but I'm okay with that. Really. I'll just exercise with videos. Much better, less dust in the eyes and up the nose and in the mouth. Less worry about it being too hot or cold. And no public humiliation.

We'll see what the damage is tomorrow!

2010-04-09T10:01:00.000-07:00

Though my Kidneyversary was Wednesday, I celebrated yesterday. I had some good friends over for New Moon with Rifftrax and to celebrate, they brought cupcakes. I had one Team Edward cupcake (yellow confetti cake with white icing that had been generously coated in sprinkles and white sugar for that "sparkle" effect) and two Team Jacob cupcakes (brown, without icing or "topless" and with some filling in the middle for that "surprise inside"). I shouldn't have, I really shouldn't but, well, when a friend brings goodies, I can't say no.

So once again I went over points. Good thing I walk every day! XD

2010-04-07T22:46:00.000-07:00

Today I overate by 7 points. I got hungry, broke into the Bliss chocolates and just didn't stop.

*sigh* I have a problem with control, clearly. So how do I fix it?

162.8 - Back on the wagon

2010-04-07T11:45:00.000-07:00

Mom and I joined Weight Watchers again. It's costly at $40 a month but it was so effective the last time I did it, more effective than anything I've used before that I figure I might as well get back on the wagon.

My ideal is to lose 2 pounds a week consistently. I doubt that will happen but I can always give it my best shot. :)

So, I started out at the 6pm meeting at 162.8 pounds. This is about 2 pounds heavier than I was this morning but since it was 6pm and I was wearing my street clothes and I...*ahem* bulked up a little (I was starving!), I am perfectly fine with this.

The meeting was certainly different from the one in Lawrence. There were a few things that bugged me a little:

1 - It does not take 4 laps around a track to burn off ONE Peanut M&M. 5 PB M&Ms (my favorite!) is one point. 15 minutes of walking is one point. To burn off one Peanut M&M you probably need to walk up the stairs of your home or apartment. But I know the point she was trying to make. Junk food does take up a lot of calories or points and when you know how much effort you expend in exercise, you are motivated to be more conservative with what you eat.

2 - Yes. You CAN lose weight without having to exercise. It's not a sin to avoid exercise and lose weight without bothering to take a single step outside. But realize that muscle burns calories even while at rest and a lot more while moving than fat which burns nothing at all. But I've seen plenty of thin girls. No fat and very little muscle, but thin as a rail. It's not impossible. HOWEVER! It will be harder to keep that weight off because you have nothing but your diet to fall back on if you gain.

That was a few of the things that came up. But while at the meeting, I also realized that I have slipped a lot and it's so vital that I actually journal my food. I have to be on top of my food. I can eat whatever but I have GOT to keep track. And being accountable will help me keep in control.

Nice legs

2010-01-20T21:04:00.000-08:00

On December 5, 2009, I ran my first 5k. I ran it with a friend and she did more walking than I was intending and the two of us came in at around 45 minutes. Next time I run one (and I do intend to run one), I want to run it straight. No walking AT ALL. So I have been working up to it. I can run 10 minutes straight now, which is about 3/4 a mile. I have been working on making it a habit now to do it. Some days are harder than others but even when I don't feel like running, I tell myself "Well, how hard would it be to just walk?" and I get on the treadmill and 90% of the time, I get moving a little faster and a little faster and soon I'm running. :) It's all a mental thing.

Speaking of mental, I love this article:
Real Foods Take On Fake Fake Foods. I am not a fan of "healthier" substitutes. I am a fan of REAL foods. Butter instead of margarine. Sugar instead of Sweet'n'Low or whatever the heck is out there. It isn't the "real foods" that are killing you, it's eating them in excess and in bad proportions to healthy foods like fruit and vegetables.

By the way...

154.2 lbs. Not bad.

Self-Portrait Sunday #01

2009-03-01T09:28:00.000-08:00

Before I go too much farther, I would like everyone to see the very first post from my journey. Starting Over. Go on, I'll wait.

Back? Pretty grim, I should say. All that fat on my waist. I was incredibly pear shaped. My back hurt when I slept. My size 16 jeans were tight. I shied away from the mirror. And I looked so old.

I recently set up my camera to take photographs and after quite a few, I finally got a picture that was satisfactory. I didn't smile for the camera because I really don't know how to yet. That will come with practice.

I'm wearing size 12 and they're barely staying on. My face has slimmed down, I can run without staying winded for long, my back is only sore because I upped my work-out weights and it went away quickly. I'm sleeping better, I'm doing better and I hope to keep progressing. :)

We're all allowed to lose it a little

2009-02-14T23:50:00.000-08:00

I had all sorts of goodies. Sis gave mom and me a little bag of cheesecake Hershey Kisses to share. Thanks, love.

I had half of the last Utah orange truffle.

I had quite a few M&Ms.

Mom and I split a 4-pack of chocolate covered strawberries.

And I ate a whole caramel almond chocolate covered apple. *sigh*

And tomorrow will be better. I will behave myself like a proper person who does not gorge on chocolate covered fruit. But today was fun and I made memories and the food was very good. Can't blame me for that.

Love

2009-01-22T09:02:00.000-08:00

What are you loving about the process right now?

Roni asked this the other day and I have to admit that I do struggle to find what I love about running. It's hard. I sweat like my mother, I get so damp, I have to breathe hard and sometimes I even get a painful stitch in the side (though I use Coach Jenny's suggestions and I exhale when my foot hits the treadmill opposite to the stitch and it goes away within about thirty seconds). It's hard, it's exhausting...and a TOTAL HIGH.

I am getting reacquainted with how absolutely delicious I feel after I run. I want to push myself to run fast but I realize that how fast I go doesn't matter. What matters is that I move! And with the help of Podrunner Intervals, I am moving better, farther, and even faster.

And I am losing weight! I feel good, I am getting a 'star' every day, I have only skipped one or two days because though I exercise every day, I don't get all the exercise I need.

I do struggle with journaling, though, to be honest. I don't think I have actually written down a full day of food for a week. I also had to skip my WW meeting this Tuesday due to a prior engagement and honestly, Tuesday evenings are JUST not my best times.

BUT! I am going to go to the other meeting center I went to before (and received a bad impression) on Saturday morning. I do hope that I have done well enough for all the exercise I put in and made up for going to Wingers last night (icky food, not going again).

You know, though, I'm loving the process. I am taking it a step at a time and I'm rejoicing in my transformation. :)

Ouch

2008-12-07T23:41:00.000-08:00

So after a week of getting back into running again and I mean, I was starting from step ONE, I am feeling the hope again. Monday and Tuesday were the worst days in terms of muscle aches. And man, when my Aunt Sally grabbed my leg (totally friendly greeting), I nearly jumped through the roof! But Wednesday was better. I took a hot bath after I cooled down from the run and my legs were feeling better. And Friday, no pain at all! I'm not losing much weight (and yes, I so gained from the hotel, yikes) because the muscle is coming back, but I think that once my body gets into it, I'll start losing again, answering my challenge of 158 pounds by the end of this month.

I was thinking of some January challenges though. Maybe begin giving up chocolate. it would be incredibly hard. It would be something I would have to start doing hour by hour. It would have to see me through Valentine's. But I hear that one does begin to stop craving it, stop missing it.

Could I get some suggestions on how to do it? Because if I can cut out the chocolate, that would really cut down on a whole lot of empty calories that I tend to sprinkle into my day.

P.S.

2008-12-02T01:08:00.000-08:00

I have a tentative relationship with my scale. Right now, I try to keep myself from weighing myself MORE than every other day. I fret over that number a lot when I really don't need to. It's just a number.

I think I need a different scale. One that doesn't give me numbers but encouragement and praise. One like the one over on Roni’s Weight Loss Blog. So I'm signing up in hopes of getting a free one. I don't *need* it, I have actual self control but dang, this thing sounded adorable. So here's my entry.

I entered the Mary Lou's Weigh Platform Giveaway!

Check out Roni’s Weight Loss Blog for more information.

I hope I get one. If only I knew who Mary Lou was.

It's December 1st and it's a Monday. It's Kismet!

2008-12-01T08:24:00.000-08:00

So, it's the perfect day for setting some goals, right? So here are mine:

1. Get down to 158 pounds again by December 30.
2. Start running again*.
3. Get into the habit of journaling with WW.

* Okay, I woke up this morning and I immediately thought "There is no way I am going out there to run. It is cold, I'm not used to the altitude and it's warm in my bed." But strangely enough, I woke up in time TO run and couldn't go back to sleep. Oh well, I'd just get up, maybe walk the dog, eat some breakfast. But as soon as I got out of my room and heading for the stairs I realized that WOW, I had some ENERGY! And suddenly I thought "Oh well, it's not like it'll take long." I shoved on my workout clothes, put on my large Westbrook Martial Arts Academy sweatshirt and set my iPod for Podrunner Intervals: First Day to 5k Week 1. Yes, starting from scratch.

But you know, I don't think I could have gone past that. I had a struggle just running in 60 second intervals! But it felt good to run and yes, it was cold but I warmed up. And everything was so tired after, but there was that buzz, the adrenaline, and that feeling that I didn't just improve my body, but I strengthened my spirit.

If I can keep this up regularly, I will be ready for a 5k in 10 weeks. So...mid February. I might sign up for a run then and see if I can't get my friend Kristy involved too. She's a triathlon babe, it'd be fun to run with her. :D

And who knows. I might have lost a little more weight by then.

Blow winds blow, my bonnie-o.

2008-11-20T22:36:00.001-08:00

It is blustery near my new home. Oh yes. But I love it. I can see the windmills from here and I've begun walking again. Daisy comes and we go 1.4 miles twice a day. I'm still not running yet because when you've left off something like that for so long, you feel it. Besides, I am all kinds of sore from all the moving. Living in a basement will give you a workout! As will putting IKEA bookshelves together, surprisingly enough. Along with a few slivers.

And I haven't been journaling my WW either. *sigh* I know, I'm bad. Okay, I'm over it now. I'll start doing better from now on but I've gotta say, upheaval can throw you off in the worst way.

But the best way to do it is to realize that yeah, you'll gain some weight and yeah, that sucks but seriously, I've lost 34 pounds already and though I've gained some back, I can still lose it. Losing weight has gained me that perspective, it's amazing. It's POSSIBLE. It's a matter of hard work and perseverance and CONSTANT VIGILANCE but it's still possible.

Now to get back up on the wagon. Y'all are with me, right? I need a little support! And Thanksgiving right around the corner, oy.

Because I'd love a new sports bra

2008-10-21T12:41:00.000-07:00

I entered the Gracie Gear Giveaway!

Check out Roni’s Weight Loss Blog for more information.

It has a pocket! For keys and iPods and phones! I want one, preshuss!

I should also mention that I had a bad WW meeting experience. Oh yes, they happen.

It had been two weeks since I had actually been in to go to WW. I thought "Well, I've been traveling and I'm sure I've gained but I need to see where I was so I could restart my weight loss. So I took my WW membership card and headed out to Provo. It took some finding, but I found it and headed in.

Well, first thing I noticed is that the Provo meeting area does not have a computer. I know that the computers are somewhat new, Lawrence didn't have one until last January or so and we all switched from paper to cards. I didn't think much of it until I handed in my card and got The Stink-Eye from the two ladies behind the counter.

"Your card is expired as of three days ago," the woman intoned.

"Well, the new one is in the mail somewhere but I'm not sure where since I just moved from Kansas," I said. "But I'm still a paying member."

"I'll look into it," the woman said, clearly suspecting me of trying to fraudulently lose weight, the nerve. And so they had me stand there for five minutes and I was already nervous because I was absolutely certain I had gained weight. You don't eat cinnamon buns and restaurant food for two weeks without severe consequences, y'know. And the entire time, I was getting nasty looks from the secretaries and the WW leader. At least, until I shifted and my Dragon Keychain flashed out and said hello (mine is gold with blue eyes).

"Is that a dragon?" the leader asked, clearly an exuberant dracophile.

"Yes, I got it when I lost 20 pounds," I said, holding out. Poor thing has been through the wash so the nose is crooked and the horns hide behind its head, but it is still somewhat recognizable.

"That's so cool!" the leader said. That broke the ice enough that the secretary managed to ever-so-graciously allow me to attend the WW meeting.

"But just this once," she said as she stamped my pamphlet. That's right, because I'm never coming back, dracophiles not withstanding. >:(

But I did lose 0.4 pounds, which is about 7.8 pounds LESS than I thought I was going to be when I stepped up on the scale. Heh. I don't mind that at all.

Hopefully I can find a friendlier WW meeting, though. *sigh* Otherwise I'm skipping the meetings from now on.

No more "Fat Talk"

2008-10-16T20:53:00.000-07:00

I went with mom to Macy's today to get a few more cold-weather clothes. My old long-sleeved, warm clothes were all far too big for me so I had to donate them all to Goodwill. But for all the messages my clothes were sending me, my bra size has not changed. I'm still a 36 DD in this Wacoal bra and I keep wondering, my word, am I going to have huge hooters forever? Have I really not slimmed down at all? And then those negative voices began shouting louder than the fact that I am on the verge of fitting into size 10 Lee jeans, that the jeans that once were so tight on me are now baggy, that I can feel my hips and ribs when I lay down to sleep at night. I thought "I'm still fat. I'm still ugly. All this hard work and I can't see it, I can't tell. Nothing's changed."

Then mom and I went into the petite section of Macy's. I picked out some medium-sized sweaters/long-sleeved shirts, still grousing, though now feeling the glow that I was no longer a Large and went to try them on.

To my surprise, two of the tops were, well, BIG! I was not a medium in these tops, I was a SMALL! Do you know when I was last a SMALL? 8 years ago, when I was literally wasting away because of my dying kidney. Unhealthy weight loss and it came back and the fat brought friends. This time, I'm losing weight with effort, hard work, and refined habits.

I need to stop the negative thinking. I need to realize that when I fall, I can always get back up. And I need to take joy in even the smallest of accomplishments.

I have signed up to stop Fat Talking. Will you?

mentally stuck

2008-09-30T21:22:00.000-07:00

You know, it's hard getting out of bed and going for a run. The morning is the best time for me to do it because it helps me get that start to the day but I am always so tired and easily defeated in the morning.

And I admitted to my best friend that I was 'stuck'. Not physically but mentally, I am stuck. I don't *think* I can run as far as I can. I don't mentally want to. I'm tired. I'm out of breath. I'm sweating like I'd just taken a dunk in a stinky pond. But then it's over and I'm not wobbly, I'm not very tired out, I'm fine and I can only shake my head. I am a silly goose.

Well, I guess next run I'm going to up the time a bit, put it all together, make myself push a bit longer and harder. And stop being such a goose about things!

The great(?) out doors

2008-09-16T06:46:00.001-07:00

I went running but it was a bit soon after my menses so I wound up only being able to run about 13 minutes out of 20 before I had to slow down as my thorax cramped up on both side. Oooof. But I figured it was still moving forward and that's the point of running.

I don't think I'm really cut out to be a runner. This won't stop me, but I don't think I'll win races or anything. I haven't even gone on a 5k run yet, though I intend on signing up for one soon, once I move to Utah. Probably one in the spring.

Anyways, other than the pain around the diaphragm and supporting muscles and subsequent wheezing, I feel pretty dang good. No c/o knee pain, ankle soreness r/t changing weather and air pressure relieved after a little running, no weakness or soreness.

Over and out.

"Movement is a medicine for creating change in a person's physical, emotional, and mental states." ~Carol Welch

2008-08-24T18:07:00.000-07:00

I gained this week. I attribute it to:
1. Not journaling accurately and daily
2. Not exercising regularly.

So it's a small set-back but you know, you have to expect that not everything is going to go smoothly. Every little bit is a slip back. But you just can't let it get you down, you have to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep moving.

Watching the Olympics was motivational to say the least. I was especially moved by our Olympic female gymnasts. Shawn Johnson had indomitable spirit and I know she must have had moments of absolute heartache and fear, feelings of defeat and pain, but she moved on and look at her, she was phenomenal. And she did it with grace and humility.

It's not easy to run, you know. I couldn't keep up with Week 7 last week and had to let myself walk parts of the run to keep from throwing up or doing serious injury to myself, but that's okay. I am patient, I will keep running and I will do Week 7 over again this week.

Right! Goals!

- Journal accurately and daily this week!
- Ignore that scale! It's not helpful.
- Focus on more Core-based eating! Mom has a huge container of left-over fruit medley from a picnic, that should really help a lot with getting my fruits and veggies in!

How about everyone else? Anyone have some good suggestions or thoughts about weight loss?

"Winning is not a sometime thing; it's an all time thing." - Vince Lombardi

2008-08-17T16:34:00.000-07:00

I did really well again this week. I am going on Week 3 of ignoring the urge to weigh myself every single morning and night. I did take a little peek on Wednesday and was so thrilled that I think I did a bit of damage, justifying a little overeating. Oops! But it was another 1.6 pounds and that was awesome! Another 1.6 pounds and I'm right at the very middle of my weightloss journey. How far I've come! I'm very excited.

However, this weekend has not been so great. I've wasted my points on garbage and have nothing to eat when I'm actually hungry! I'm thinking I would love to do Core, but it's not the right time, nor do I have the money for it.

Anyways, this week I'm going to ignore the urge to scale watch again. I'm going to also make it a point to eat a yogurt before I run and I want to make it a point to know the Point amount of all the food I eat BEFORE I eat it. Fewer surprises mean better weight management.

That's all, signing off now. :)

stronger faster better

2008-08-10T22:17:00.000-07:00

Well, avoiding the scale and working hard seems to have paid off, I lost 1.6 pounds according to the Weight Watcher scale. :D That definitely felt good. So do the muscular legs I'm gaining, watch out now!

One thing I have realized is that I ought to eat something light before I go running. I may not be running intensely but I still need to have something. I have those Weight Watcher yogurts and I think I'll start eating one of those a half hour before I get on the treadmill to make sure that I am not flipping into starvation mode. That would suck.

Blog ya later.

onwards

2008-08-05T12:45:00.000-07:00

Well, my weight is bouncing about a little and I think the source of the problem is The Scale.

When it comes to The Scale, I would ordinarily weigh myself in the morning. Then it would be before and after I ran. And then I started weighing myself at night too. Are we seeing a trend? Are we seeing an unhealthy trend? So, guess what would happen.

When the scale was low, I would be happy. When I'm happy, I have fewer constraints. Fewer constraints lead to eating more. Then I would weigh myself again in the morning and ew, my weight had gone up! I'd be sad. I'd tighten control. I'd work out more. I'd weigh myself and go "Oh hey, it's gone down again, woohoo!".

But! I managed to recognize this as an unhealthy habit to get into. So last week at Weight Watchers, I grabbed their paper QuikTrak System. The eTools are fantastic but I can't see what I'm doing *wrong* since I haven't figured out how to use their Notes system or go back to previous weeks! With the paper system, I can go back easily. So I watched everything, tracked it all, felt down about my bad habits and realized that it's possible to turn around.

This week I resolved to keep that scale in the cabinet, to watch my Points, and to practice Smarter Eating. I can't say how well it's worked yet but I'll know by Saturday. And if I've gone up, well, then I've gone up and I'll try even better next week. But I think I'm actually doing a lot better than I did last week.

I've also moved past Week 4 of Podrunner Intervals and yesterday I ran 3 five-minute segments. It wasn't as hard as I anticipated! I still don't like running on the treadmill but I find that if I ignore the timer and focus on the little light-indicated 'track', I am less apt to whine inwardly about how long I've run and when I should stop. I guess I need distance-based goals rather than timer-based goals to run towards. :) I can't wait till I move to Utah where it's cooler and drier in the mornings and when I sweat, I actually cool off.

I did actually hit my 10% weight loss goal at Weight Watchers recently. I have the keychain now. And the 16-week goal. And the little shoe charm that indicated that I hit the Activity Goal. Go me! Next one up is the Lifetime goal. That might take a year or two, but that's alright. I read of one woman losing her weight over the course of 6 and a half years. It was at a rate of a half-pound a week, just like me, but she made it! I'll make it, too!

double posting

2008-07-14T07:54:00.001-07:00

Because I don't think everyone followed me over to the Blog To Lose site, I'll just double post here. I don't mind, really.

It's been a while since I've posted about my weight loss. Frankly, it's because I kind of didn't lose any weight at all. Between my birthday and the fourth, I went up about 2.4 pounds from my 10%. With some real effort, I lost 1.8 of that, so now it's getting over having a period and all *that* joy it brings and trying to eat careful.

I wonder what every other girl does when on her period. My personal cravings end up going all over the place and I just can't seem to stop grazing.

I also can't exercise because I have No Energy. In fact, it can get bad enough that I can't brain at all. I've made mistakes at work because I just can't think as quickly as usual.

What do you ladies do when it's that time of the month and you have no energy or motivation? How do you eat? How do you exercise?

Moving

2008-05-10T11:31:00.001-07:00

I just signed up for an account over at Blog-To-Lose. I think I'll start keeping up over there, I like the community feel of it all and the ability to chat and keep up with forums. Feel free to join me!

View my page on Blog to Lose

Hawk's Wings

2008-05-09T12:08:00.000-07:00

I just ran 20 minutes in a row. No foolin'. And as I started, a hawk flew overhead. Well, I think it was a hawk. I'll call it a hawk. Anyways, I took it as a good omen (I may be Scottish/Dutch/Mutt but I can adopt a few Native American beliefs if they suit me) and began running. It...was hard. I started feeling like I wasn't going to make it by the time I think I hit about 15 minutes. At least it took that long to get exhausted. But I gave a little prayer for endurance, for another wind, for the ability to reach beyond myself and as I turned the curve on Tallgrass Dr., I saw the end of the street and thought "That's gotta be 20 minutes. I can run until there. And if it's beyond that, it's downhill, that will help." Fortunately, my run (determined by the Podrunner Intervals) finished before I got to the end of the street.

I have not run like that since Junior High School. And possibly not even then because I was an ornery little thing and you couldn't make me run for long if I didn't wanna. I think I just ran a mile and a half without stopping and I KNOW I've never run that far. I am so very excited!

I'm also so very exhausted. I had to take a nap, but it was only for 15 minutes and that was just right.

Tomorrow's the weigh-in. I still don't think I lost anything but I AM getting some tremendous thighs. I can tell. My thighs never felt so filled out before!

Anyways, I thought I'd leave you with a screengrab of my running route ala Google Pedometer. It's soon going to have to change, seeing as how I'm outrunning the length!

Pushing through

2008-05-07T07:33:00.000-07:00

Today I ran for 8 minutes. Twice. To think that just over a month ago, I couldn't run 60 seconds without aching the day after.

As I ran, I was amazed, even moved to tears that my body has given all I have asked and willingly. The voice inside that has complained about being tired, cold, hot, sore, etc has stopped talking. Honestly, I feel so good.

Friday I run 20 minutes in a row and I am excited to do it. I am sure I can do it. Not that I run fast, I do an old man's shuffle to be honest but as I get stronger, I'll be able to really run fast and far.

My thighs are growing really hard, though. The flab is slipping off. It's so amazing how well my body is responding, forgiving me of past sins. Some day I'll be...everything.

Visualize whirled peas

2008-04-30T09:17:00.000-07:00

Phew, another tough day of running but you know, 20 minutes of jogging = 3 points? Awesome! I can get that with 45 minutes of walking, too. But hey, jogging is quicker!

So Roni had another Food For Thought:

Do you think visualizing weight loss is important and if so, how do you do it?

Well, what has helped keep me jogging when I would rather just quit and walk instead (though I will quit jogging to make the big black lab keep looking for home and not for a small blond girl to chomp on becuz she's running which equals prey) is visualizing the bad food falling off of me. All those Junior Mints I ate while watching The Forbidden Kingdom yesterday? It all just fell off of me while I ran, or so I visualized, and it helped me feel lighter or at least I pretended that it did. Too much spaghetti? That also fell off. Pizza? That Fufu berry Jones Soda? Splashing on the concrete. It really helped motivate me.

But that's not quite what Roni was aiming for. She mentioned that she actually put up a little virtual model of her weightloss goal in the sidebar of her blog way back in the beginning. And I have to admit, I like playing with the Virtual Model. Especially the "That's where I was, here's where I am, there's where I'm going" part. But it seems to be somewhat broken so I'll post my then, now, soon models when I get the Virtual Model to work.

But speaking of Then, I found some old CDs with pictures in them from LPN school. Whoooh! Chubbo Kit! And the things I wore! Big tunics that came down to my knees, that doesn't make me look any better/taller. Yuck. I'm glad I threw those out.

Ah, it worked.

So, there's the goal. I was there before when my kidney went out and this time I'll do it by eating right, staying healthy, and keeping up with myself.

Did I mention that I love to exercise? For real? I really do.

...I only said it would be worth it.

2008-04-28T08:48:00.000-07:00

Podrunner Intervals - Week 4 and I ran it! I did not let Lazy Brat even say a word. No "I'm tired" "I can't find my sunglasses" "It's bright out" or anything else. It was me and Skinny Babe running.

"It's nice and cool outside, isn't it?"
"Look how green everything is!"
"You just ran FIVE MINUTES STRAIGHT, HOW COOL IS THAT!?"

And just to show you how it went:
BPM CHART:
5-minute warmup @ 129 bpm
3 minutes @ 140 bpm
90 seconds @ 130 bpm
5 minutes @ 140 bpm
2 minutes 30 seconds @ 130 bpm
3 minutes @ 140 bpm
90 seconds @ 130 bpm
5 minutes @ 140 bpm
Two minute cooldown @ 130 bpm

At the end, my legs were just moving like heavy pendulums and I wanted to walk so bad but I didn't. I think I deserve some fun time downtown for doing this.

As for my weight, well, um, it's kind of been fluctuating like crazy. I was 165.2 at Weight Watchers but the next day I was 163.4 on my home scale which is always about 0.5 pounds off from the WW scales so, well, it's coming off one way or another.

And because I can't think of much else to post, I'll just give you Michael Nelson AS Lord of the Dance!

I never said it would be easy...

2008-04-14T09:48:00.000-07:00

It struck me after my Podrunner today, as I was washing my very red face, that I wasn't wheezing. What? No wheezing, no coughing for a few hours until my lungs cleared, no rolling my eyes at myself? Nope. I am clear. And I am incredibly grateful for that. I feel like I've won back some freedom, freedom from my own bad habits and abuse to my body. One less shackle. It may have been the fact that I attempted to eat a little yogurt before I went out so I'd have some protein to work with but I still think this is a bit of a miracle.

I took a less hilly route. Up to the new development, around the loop, down Stockade St. to Trail, across Monterey Way to Sharon Dr, across Stetson, around the loop there and back home, which is a full 2 miles and then some and I ran out of Podrunner at about 1.7 miles but that's alright. I managed to push through every running set, which are now 90 seconds long instead of 60 (oh yeah, laugh, but this little pony doesn't prance a whole lot). I saw all sorts of awesome things:

- A large, fat squirrel who was vaguely bemused and quite sure of himself, knowing he could easily out run me if I even thought to chase him.

- A Chevy truck that I think was made in the 1940s. No, seriously, a restored Chevy truck that works quite well. I think they have a parade of restored old cars because it's not the only vehicle I've seen here that looks like it's straight out of a Buster Keaton film.

- A wooden tombstone leaning against a tree inscribed with the following words: "Here lies the last dog that pooped in our yard!" (*snerk*)

- And the whole world it seems paused at the very precipice of blooming spring, like a dancer waiting for her cue. I think when I go running again on Wednesday, I'll be running among a confetti of blossoms.

You know, it was hard to get out and go today. I wanted to stay home, take a bath, do some reading, watch TV. And even as I was out, a small part of me was whining, "I'm tired. My left hip hurts. My knee wants to hurt. It's bright outside. It's going to be so hot on Wednesday. Running is hard, let's keep walking. Let's take the short way home," and so on, ad nauseum. But then there was an even smaller part of me going "Man, I lost 2.2 pounds last week. I even got a hug from my WW teacher! And it's so nice outside. I'm glad it's 47 degrees out, the air's so crisp and look how green everything is. And I feel so very good! And maybe I should take up Tae Kwon Do again, it would be a lot easier this time around."

It's a struggle. I find I hate and love running for all the above reasons. But I am on the path of forgiving myself for all the years of abuse I've put my body through. I'm rewarding myself with good health and a long life. And I am growing.

164.6 Running Up That Hill

2008-04-12T09:59:00.000-07:00

Last night I decided that the cold would not stop me from getting that last day of Podrunner Intervals Week 1 done. I headed into the basement, put on a tv show and got on the old treadmill. Let me tell you, walking and jogging on a treadmill is far more treacherous than walking and jogging out of doors. I kept having to grab onto the bar when switching to keep from tripping. And then I had to keep shifting the speed of the treadmill. But on the other hand, I wasn't freezing, I didn't run up hills, and at the meeting this morning, I had dropped 2.2 pounds. Awesome!

I'm so keeping this up, though. And next week it will be warmer. I hope.

Prancing Pony

2008-04-09T08:19:00.000-07:00

I didn't realize on Monday with Podrunner: Intervals that one is supposed to alternately walk and jog! I am not a runner but DJ Steve does not make you run hard or long, it's more of a prance. But me being the wheezy person I am, I had to walk through one and a half jog-sessions. A half hour later, I'm still coughing and wheezing but I think that'll improve once allergy season passes. But I feel so very AMAZING! No wonder runners get addicted, this is definitely a most marvelous high. And somehow it boosted my spiritual closeness too.

So I am keeping it up. Perhaps this Prancing Pony can prance all the way through a 5k!

Getting back on the track

2008-04-07T13:33:00.001-07:00

I was so incredibly bad this weekend. No point counting and so much garbage in. And when I fill myself with garbage, that's how I feel. Like garbage. Uuugh. I'm sure I'm not alone and even Roni covered the same sort of feeling. When you eat poorly, you feel poorly. It's so much easier to say 'no' to bad food when you're on a high, like it's harder to diss yourself when you're feeling good.

So today is a new start. For one, I started Podrunner Intervals. I'm on Day 1 of Week 1 and it was really a lot of fun. It progressively gets faster but it goes up and down so that you're only going REALLY FAST for a little bit.

Tomorrow, I do some muscle toning exercises. If you use it, you lose it. ;)

Slacking off

2008-04-04T10:17:00.000-07:00

I have been very slacking in tracking my points and that means that I'm stuck. My sick-weight-loss all came back, which is fine by me, honestly. I knew it was all water and as soon as I could drink my 2-liter-a-day quota, it would all come back. But I guess I'm still somewhat discouraged because I honestly did not bother with points much this week.

In what seems an unrelated series of events, I smashed my iPod in my car (just the top part so the screen is 90% broken but will still flicker a little bit of info if I can find the right part to push, like a tense muscle). And days before that incident, my desktop with all my music and podcasts blue-screened without any hope of return despite what my mother and brother can really do.

So I'm enduring well enough but I had to resubscribe to various podcasts on my laptop (yes, I realize I'm a big spoiled brat, get over it) and realized that Podrunner had something that came out in January (shows how well I pay attention). It's called Podrunner Intervals. It's a program to take people off the couch and on their way to 5k. Each podcast is 20 minutes and goes through a series of speeds and encourages running.

I hate running. I have always hated running but there's something I have learned in my age, sometimes the things you hate can become things you like, perhaps even run. And if other people can do it, so can I. In fact, the one runner I really look up to is my sister. She's had three children and still runs like a gazelle out on the Sahara (that's where one finds them, right?). If she can do it, so can I. Perhaps as I lose weight, I can also lose this asthma that I have found to have. It's just a touch, not anything that needs medicating. It came out during Tae Kwon Do and it was hard to breathe when I had to run, but I knew how to power through it and I knew when to stop just a bit to keep going.

The weather is improving, let's go!

163.4 - How not to lose weight

2008-03-21T10:23:00.000-07:00

I was sick yesterday. Really sick. Ever hear of the term "butt-pee"? I know, really really crude but that's what I had. I was so incredibly ill that I had to call off work and then slept in between dashes to the bathroom. I would have taken a pill or three if I could have found them but Dad had the same thing last weekend and took his pills with him. Guh!

Eventually I talked with mom and she guided me to pills and that's when I turned around. But I hardly ate anything at all other than a glass of ginger ale to give me some energy because I was so weak that standing up caused my vision to cloud with brilliant dark stars. Ooof!

Anyways, I lost 3.4 pounds to the porcelain god. All that liquid, I'll be drinking my two liters and then some today, that's for sure. But I'm feeling better! I woke up all hot and clammy which usually means that my fever has broken. Thank goodness. I'm still shaky but I'll have to hurry up and feel better because I have to work tonight. I'll be sure to tell my boss what I lost, though. Just so he knows I really wasn't faking when I called in yesterday. *sigh*

If only it wasn't mom's birthday today and I had lots planned. Stupid work.

167.0 - Taking a break

2008-02-27T14:23:00.000-08:00

I dropped by for a meeting today rather than the usual Saturday because I'll be taking my Clinicals then.

I've not been counting my points or even exercising, all caught up in this Exam of all Exams but somehow I managed to actually break through my plateau. Maybe that's all a body needs sometimes, just a little break from stressing about weight and worrying about something else.

Or maybe I'm just crazy.

Ah well, 5 more pounds till I hit that 10%!

What is it you LOVE about your body?

2008-02-21T07:16:00.000-08:00

I haven't updated much, haven't really considered reporting my intake because it's kind of embarrassing but then I read Roni's Weight Watchen Question of the Week and I had to ask myself that question.

You know, I've gone through my life wearing all different shapes, mostly pear-ish ones. I've been super thin and I've been obese but there are a few things I have always loved.

1. I love my hair. Always have. From back when it was thick and coarse and wild and I used to put a chemical stripper in it because the meds just built up in it like crazy to now where it's thin, silky, prone to curl, and kept on the shortish side of medium length because I no longer can stand it down to my hips. I have dyed it a few times but ever since my scalp exploded in a massive bad reaction, I've kept it undyed. In the winter it goes kind of honey-dark and in the summer, it's kind of a dirty blond.

2. My feet. I find them to be the one feature that doesn't change whether I'm obese or thin. And they're sweet and small and have kind of cute freckles (or moles) on the right foot, lateral side.

3. My eyes, which are a grey-blue when I don't put my contacts in. They're a little more blue with the contacts because the contacts are tinted in case I drop them (and I have). They show up well enough on white tile. They're also large. I have the wild eyes of my father's side of the family, those huge expressive eyes that could possibly look mad if I really tried.

That's it for now. The rest of me I'm getting along with so far.

On a plateau - 168.8

2008-02-19T06:53:00.000-08:00

You know, I've been stuck without being able to get lower for some time now. It's, of course, frustrating but then my WW email came in today. And there was a little article that kind of opened my eyes and, well, made me blush because I SO do this...

I don't count Saturdays or Sundays on my Points plan. I eat like a horse and I just kind of shrug and figure that I'll start really working it out during the week. I indulge in a Twilight Zone.

The twilight zone is a time during which a member chooses not to count their POINTS values or eat Core foods, and instead indulges with reckless abandon in foods that they otherwise might carefully portion control. Sometimes the vacation from counting POINTS values is not just between weigh-in and the next morning, but extends to certain holidays, holy days, and full-moon nights.

And this past weekend, boy did I go to town. Cherry Cordial Kisses were on sale and I didn't demolish the WHOLE bag but I'll admit, there's not much left. *twitch* I feel a little like an alcoholic waking up with a hangover, though. What did I just do to myself? Why?

Fortunately, this body is forgiving. I'll just have to suck it up and re-learn the old lessons.

There's not an overnight cure, but attending meetings, watching my emotional responses and focusing on my true goals have made them happen less and less frequently. I try to remind myself: "If I always do what I always did, I will always get what I always got.

Now to close that pantry door. Bothersome thing.

168.8

2008-02-11T21:38:00.000-08:00

Well, clearly this attempt to eat more Core helped last week. So did documenting publicly everything I ate. I felt an obligation to eat better because I was just embarrassed to share my 'bad food'.

This weekend I abandoned recording and I was just naughty. So back to healing and making up for naughtiness this week. I can go down another pound!

So, my eating for today:

Time	Food	Points	What's Left
Morning	Oatmeal w/ water (ick)	3 points	21 points
Noon	1 can tuna with water 2 tbs fat-free mayo 1 cup celery 5 tortilla chips	4 points 0.5 points 0 points 1.5 points	15 points
Evening	1 cup chili con-carne	6 points	9 points
Anytime	3 small cookies 1 cup celery 1 tbs french onion dip 1 apple 1 cup brewed herbal tea 0.5 tbs sugar	5 points 0 points 0.5 points 1 point 0 points 1 point	1.5 points

Eating better

2008-02-07T20:04:00.000-08:00

I've been focusing more on Core food. Lean ham, lots of fruits, veggies and fiber! Yeee-haw, fiber! But it hasn't been totally successful. Still, I'm making an effort and I think there's a bit of a difference made, certainly in the, uh, end. *ahem*
Yesterday:

Time	Food	Points	What's Left
Morning	Oatmeal w/ Silk	4 points	20 points
Noon	1 cup pineapple Progresso Soup Light 1 small apple	1 point 0 points 1 point	18 points
Evening	1 cup whole wheat spaghetti 1/2 cup spaghetti sauce	3 points 2 points	13 points
Anytime	1 KitKat bar 1 1/2 cups carrots 1 tbs french onion dip 1/2 oz pine nuts 1 cup sour pickles	5 points 1 points 0.5 points 2 points 0 points	4.5 points
Activities	Weight lifting	2 points	+ 2 points

And today (kind of went rogue):

Time	Food	Points	What's Left
Morning	Oatmeal w/ Silk	4 points	20 points
Noon	2 slices cheese pizza 2 cups carrots 2 tbs french onion dip	7.5 points 1.5 points 1 points	10 points
Evening	1 slice high-fiber bread 1 tbs liver pate	1 point 2 point	7 points
Anytime	1 oz bbq chips 1 cup herbal tea 1 tbs sugar 1 cup pineapple 1/2 svg cheese puffs	3 points 0 points 1 point 1 point 3 points	0 points
Activity	Treadmill for 45 minutes	3 points	+3 points

I worked today, therefore I am late and I am tired.

2008-02-05T21:59:00.000-08:00

Be careful, those cashews are serious business:
(embedded movie here)

Here's what I ate today:

Time	Food	Points	What's Left
Morning	Oatmeal w/ Silk	4 points	20 points
Noon	2 Slices Homemade Bread 2 tbs Liver Pate 1 Hungry Girl's Brownies	2.5 points 3.5 points 2 points	12 points
Evening	14 cashews 2 cocktail smokies 1 donut hole 1 serving Progresso Light Soup	4 points 1.5 points 1.5 points 0 points	5 points
Anytime	2 mini Kit Kat bars Weight Watchers yogurt	3.5 points 1 points	0.5 points

I did a lot of walking, too, so I don't know if that counts or not. I need to invest in a pedometer of some sort.

Some people get their exercise in the most bizarre ways.

2008-02-04T19:10:00.001-08:00

Ellen tries out the Hawaii Chair:

Personally, I'm all for the usual treadmill. I'm too clumsy to sit in a dang chair. And sometimes even the treadmill is treacherous.

Today's feeding:

Time	Food	Points	What's Left
Morning	Oatmeal w/ Silk	4 points	20 points
Noon	1 Slice Homemade Bread 1 tbs Liver Pate 100-calorie Nabisco cookies 1 apple	1 points 2 points 2 points 1 point	14 points
Evening	3 oz cooked roast beef 1/2 tbsp gravy 1/2 serving boiled potatoes 2 cups herbal tea 2 tsp sugar	5 points 0.5 points 1 point 0 points 1 point	6.5 points
Anytime	2 Hungry Girl's Brownies BBQ chips - 1 oz 3 mini Kit Kat bars Weight Watchers yogurt	2 points 2 points 3.5 points 1 point	- 2 points
Activities	Treadmill - 50 minutes Strength training - 30 minutes Leisurely Walk - 20 minutes	+3 points +2 points +1 point	4 points

Thank goodness for that exercise, no? ;)

Bad day of eating today

2008-02-03T20:59:00.000-08:00

Time	Food	Points	What's Left
Morning	Fasting	0 points	24 points
Noon	2 Slices Homemade Bread 2 tbs Liver Pate 100-calorie Nabisco cookies 1 apple	2.5 points 3.5 points 2 points 1 point	15 points
Evening	1 breast thai chicken 1/2 cup brown rice 2 Hungry Girl's Brownies	5 points 2 points 4 points	4 points
Anytime	BBQ chips - 1 oz Cote d'Or chocolate	3 points 4 points	- 3 points

Too late to get on that treadmill. Pity. Ah well. I remember when Weight Watchers would let you save up your points over the week as opposed to giving you spare points to use. That was a good while back though.

Anyways, from Roni's page, here's a 50 things Meme:
1. Do you like blue cheese? I used to until I learned that it was bad for the immuno-suppressed. Whoops.
2. Have you ever smoked heroin? Yeah, the chick was buggin' me so I smoked her. *blows dust off the end of the gun barrel* Oh wait, that's not what the question meant?
3. Do you own a gun? Just figuratively. *holds up forefinger and thumb* I'm thinking that if I ever live on my own all alone, I wouldn't mind just having one.
4. What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic? I don't but did you hear about the Chocolate Cherry Diet Pepsis? Uuuugh! A crime to tastebuds everywhere.
5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? I get bored out of my mind because the wait last for-ev-ahr!
6. What do you think of hot dogs? They're way too high in points unless they're the fat-free turkey kind and those just don't taste the same. *cry*
7. Favorite Christmas movie? Not a Christmas Movie but I like watching it around that time: Little Women
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Rooibos tea or Spearmint in the summer with ice and sugar.
9. Can you do push ups? Sure can!
10. Freestyle! *boogies* (no question there so, meh, whatever)
11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? Either my dichroic glass earrings (they're amazing how they catch light) or my silver celtic dragon ring.
12. Favorite hobby? Knitting, durrr.
13. Freestyle again! *dances like MCHammer* Can't touch this.
14. Do you have A.D.D.? I almost have the opposite, intense focus!
15. What's one trait you hate about yourself? My tendency towards pessimism and stress. Ergh!
16. Middle name? Guess.
17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment... a. This meme is really long. b. I would rather be knitting. c. It's 11:24 pm, why am I not in my pj's yet?
18. Name 3 things you bought today... Nothing, it's Sunday. Keeping it sacred.
19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? Water, tea, and, the occasional Jones Soda because I'm curious as to what they taste like. M.F.Grape tastes like grape, by the way. I wasn't sure, but now I am.
20. Current worry? I worry about worrying too much over my clinicals, ha! Gotta have faith!
21. Current hate right now? Slacker Jack at the kitchens who left me with too much to do yesterday, the jerk. Grr!
22. Favorite place to be? The tub with lots of bubbles, hot water, and a good book.
23. How did you bring in the New Year? At home feeling exhausted because I had to close and almost sick.
24. Where would you like to go? How much time you got?
25. Name three people who will complete this? Me.
26. Do you own slippers? They're not slippers but I do wear them in the house because it feels wrong to wear them outside (I mean the shoes you got me, sis!)
27. What shirt are you wearing? A sweater/turtleneck.
28. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? Never have but they sound like they'd be slick and kind of cold. Brr, gimme that flannel.
29. Can you whistle? To everyone's chagrin, yes.
30. Favorite color? Purple, burgundy, green.
31. Would you be a pirate? And get a sunburn? Tchah.
32. What songs do you sing in the shower? I don't normally.
33. Favorite girl's name? Ugh, I don't want to think about that. Um, Kirstin's a nice name.
34. Favorite boy's name? Floofy McThunderpants.
35. What's in your pocket right now? Lint and sometimes a stray hair-tie thing but not right now.
36. Last person that made you laugh? Mary did!
37. Best bed sheets as a child? Mine or someone else's? Mine were, um, I dunno. Boring, I didn't think about them.
38. Worst injury you've ever had? Broken kidneys kinda sucked.
39. Do you love where you live? It's a black hole. Not in that I hate it but that I can't seem to leave.
40. How many TVs do you have in your house? 3; basement, living room, parents' bedroom.
41. Who is your loudest friend? Mary. :)
42. How many dogs do you have? Cats? 1 dog, no kitteh
43. Does someone have a crush on you? Don't know, don't care.
44. FREESTYLE III: "I'll take famous titties for 300, Trebeck." "That's titles!"
45. What is your favorite book(s)? Les Miserables, I think. Or something by Robin McKinley.
46. What is your favorite candy? Mmmm Junior Mints.
47. Favorite Sports Team? Uuuugh, sports.
48. What song do you want played at your funeral? The same song as my ringtone: Bittersweet Symphony
49. What were you doing 12 AM last night? I SWEAR I DIDN'T DO IT! And I was here, same bat time, same bat channel.
50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? Hmm, the fact that though I clipped my blister on my big toe of my left foot last night, it hardly ached this morning. Answer to prayers or just a whole lot of antibiotic ointment? Hmmmm.

169.8

2008-02-02T08:27:00.000-08:00

And I bounce back up again. This is really kind of frustrating and I don't need frustrating right now. I'm studying for clinicals, it would be nice if things would go well. Rrrgh.

Maybe I'll take a page from Roni's book and start publicly posting my ~~weight~~ intake (space cadet). It will make me a little more honest and a little more careful. I seem to be relying too much on the fact that I'm too busy to eat at work to keep my weight down. When I don't work, I pig out. It's not good, I need to learn to say 'no' to the pushers and make better choices. Just...boo. Shame on me. I know better.

And I'll do better this week, too.

Time	Food	Points	What's Left of 24
Morning	1 Slice Homemade Bread 1 tbs Hagelslag	1 point 2.5 points	20.5 points
Noon	1 Slice Homemade Bread 2 tbs Liver Pate 100-calorie Nabisco cookies	1 point 3.5 points 2 points	14 points
Evening	General nibbling at work	3 points	11 points
Anytime	M&Ms	2.5 points	8.5 points

Thought for food

2008-01-29T07:39:00.000-08:00

I have come quite a ways. I remember thinking that 178lbs was it. I'd be happy being there again and that was that. I've gone 10 pounds beyond it and I am pleased as punch. But the walk hasn't been easy.

I grew up my entire life knowing that I was overweight. There existed no doubt in my mind that I was shaped rather like a hobbit. My medication made me so hungry and growing up in Europe where the chocolate is good and the diet tends to be meat and potatoes, it was surprising I didn't end up more of a balloon than I already was. And people thought that I may have had some sort of delusions of svelte-ness because I was frequently reminded of the fact that I was overweight, I had to lose weight, I had to drop pounds. Ohhh really. What a shocker. I had no idea. Gee.

And why did they have to remind me? Growing up was hard enough. Being a DD by age 16 is its own trial without having people call you 'Dolly Parton'. My back may have been sore but my little heart was in more pain and when I got it reduced (and the insurance paid for it), that was a large load off my chest in more ways than one. I still remember the surgeon analyzing me with his butcher eyes and remarking to my mother that I had a surprisingly small waist. I could have kissed that man.

It didn't get much better though and only when my first transplanted kidney began failing did my dreams of weight-loss become realized. The toxins would build and kill my appetite, smothering it in poison with a little cherry on top. And I began dropping everything, clothes sizes and pounds. When I became concerned and brought this up to the doctor, he gave me a cold glance and told me that I had 'plenty to spare'. He may have said that to attempt to be comforting to me, but boy am I glad I didn't know Tae Kwon Do then, I'd have broken my promise to only use it in self-defense and kicked his scrawny little pansy butt right back home to his mama's.

And it scared me. Losing weight like that was one of the most frightening things I had ever experienced. Laughable, right? I had wanted this forever, why was I not embracing this? Because I was dying. I wasn't losing weight in a healthy manner, I was dying. I would go on walks not for health but because it was and still is one of my favorite things to do and I would startle myself by seeing these skeletal hands swing back and forth. I remember standing in a bookstore and as I reviewed the latest in Japanese manga, I would lean against my hip and my elbow slipped easily inside my pelvis. That shouldn't happen. It scared me to bits.

So after the transplant, I had an appetite again and I took full advantage of it. I ate whatever I want because I was alive again! I was living! I had been dying for two full years and now I was coming back! My feet and hands were able to warm up on their own! I could distinguish hunger from nausea because the persistent, constant nausea was gone! And not having learned a thing from losing all that weight, not how to eat properly or to control portions or let myself only eat until I was comfortably, not overwhelmingly full, I gained all that weight and then some.

191 pounds is the largest I have ever been in my life. 114 was my weight just before my transplant so you know how far I'd come. And it wasn't like I decided "Yeah, I guess I better do something" when I hit 191. I realized that being that weight was dangerous and by heaven I didn't want to have to go through kidney-loss again, killing it because I couldn't control myself.

It's been a long and difficult road. I keep optimistic because I know I don't respond well to brow-beating and punishment. I focus on learning new things and applying them. Like how to listen to my body so I know when to say 'Enough, I'm comfortable now' and to drink water so that my body doesn't have to try to get that liquid from food. I've learned to eat better so my body gets the nutrients it needs without having to sift through junk*. I've learned that exercise is fantastic, it brings energy and joy. And I've learned that I must forgive myself and my body of the abuse I've put it through and in return, I will be able to progress.

Finally, I've learned that obesity does not just come overnight and neither does health. Baby steps.

*That's something I learned from 'You Are What You Eat' on the BBCAmerica channel. Sometimes we are hungry because we need particular minerals and vitamins and if we were to eat better, we'd need less but sometimes we don't eat better, just more and the body has to glean what nutrients it can through the junk and it isn't always enough.

Walkin' it out with the crew

2008-01-22T08:12:00.000-08:00

I may not get the speed and momentum on a treadmill that I can get by walking outside but it's far too cold out there and far too fun in here! Allow me share some:

(Warning, content is offensive but hilarious)
Firefly Bloopers 2

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169.4

2008-01-19T08:10:00.001-08:00

If only I had taken a really good dump before I'd gone. Oh, I know, that's disgusting. Sorry. Anyways, I figure this being my cycle and all, by next Thursday I'll be down to a better weight. Heck, I'll be down two after working tonight at that salad bar. I walk a lot and don't eat much while I work. I'm kind of driven when I work, I don't think about food or water (until I'm wrapping up the food and putting it away for the next day, then I sneak some grapes and watermelon).

It was a good 5 degrees Fahrenheit when I stepped out to my car this morning to attend my Weight Watchers meeting. Frost stuck to my car like a melted sticker on wood, it was almost impossible to scrape and what I wanted more than anything, other than to curl back up in bed was a nice cup of tea. Herbal tea, of course. There are some marvelous sites for tea but my three favorite are:
-Adagio (I like Rooibos Berry and Rooibos Vanilla, mm.)
-SBS teas (their Tisanes are marvelous)
-Zhena's Gypsy Tea (I like Red Lavender best)

I grew up with Rooibos tea though back then, I knew it as Masai tea (those crazy Dutch and their peculiar naming of things *chortle*). It's naturally caffeine-free, is low in tannins and is known to be rich in various minerals. And it's just plain yummy.

Now to go drink up the brew I made.

Weight Check Wednesday

2008-01-16T14:58:00.000-08:00

So, checking in on the ol' scale to see where I'm at, I found I gained about a pound or so. Darn that KitKat binge! I 'punished' myself in that I told myself no chocolate today. I can have whatever else, but no chocolate. So I've had carrots and yogurt and I'm sure that if I weigh myself tomorrow, I'm going to be like 2 pounds lighter, but whatever. Maybe not, it's the moooon time again, if you get what I mean and I'm sure any ladies reading this or anyone with a wife/sisters/adolescent daughters will.

I finished up House Season 1 while on the treadmill (going slow 'cuz them blisters are really killer and awkward to walk on) and though I have Season 2 (thank you Borders, it was only $20!) I think I'm going to watch something a little more light-hearted and that doesn't involve things that drive me crazy, medically-speaking (you should have heard me this morning when House got a urine sample by poking a needle into the bladder without disinfecting the area or wearing gloves or ANYTHING! ARGH!). So! Onto Firefly and I can walk with my celebrity crush--

Nathan Fillon! Awww...he makes me wanna squoosh him.

Er, ahem, moving on. I found a really cool blog:
Roni's Weight Watch Page and she's got a real cute and upbeat personality. She also has a really neat recipe site:
GreenLiteBites and even if you're not a WW-er, it's not a big deal because she posts calories, fat (in grams) and fiber so you've got a good idea what you've got already right there. She's on my Bloglines blogroll now and I'm going to start trying a lot of her recipes. :D

On to a good rest of the week and lots of water.

From the Weight Watchers Emails

2008-01-14T07:50:00.000-08:00

Some more rather interesting articles.

Weightloss Blunders

You're eating less and exercising more. Why won't that belt budge? Even when you feel like you're doing everything right, there are certain behaviors that can still get in the way. Are you guilty of any of these habits?

1. Skipping Breakfast
Running late for work again? Before you bolt out the door on nothing but a cup of coffee, be aware that skipping breakfast can be bad news for weight loss. Chances are, you're going to feel hungry later, and that may be when you have less access to healthy food and are more likely to reach for a donut.

Antidote: Keep something on hand that you can eat on the run, such as fruit, yogurt or fat-free cereal bars. I like eating oatmeal in the morning. Sure, Alton Brown wouldn't feed the instant stuff to his horse but it does keep you full longer.

2. Feasting on Family Favorites
When your kids or spouse have a favorite family meal, it's hard to ban it from your menu list. Family favorites, such as lasagna, are often high in fat and calories.

Antidote: Serve yourself a smaller serving of the main meal and a large serving of vegetables or salad. It's also a good idea to try to find a lower-fat version of the family favorite. Or bother your family into eating with you. Nothing wrong with a little less of the fat and a little more of the veg!

3. Social Overeating
Eating whatever you wanted at a restaurant was okay in the days when people ate out only a few times a year. But these days we eat out every week, if not every day.

Antidote: Search the menu for meals cooked using low-fat methods, such as grilling or stir-frying, and ask for sauces and dressings on the side. That way you can control how much you have. And set a goal to drink a glass of water during your meal. You fill up more quickly and remain hydrated.

4. Not Counting Every Bite
A few potato chips while you open the mail. Just a sliver of cake while you help the kids with their homework. When we snack, we tend to be standing up or have our attention focused on another task. This can lead to thinking the calories "don't count." Unfortunately, they do.

Antidote: Set ground rules, such as "I don't eat in the car or while I'm watching television." And always, always keep track of everything you eat during the day. Knowing you'll have to write it down will make you think twice about having that one bite. I also find that planned portions help. I have 9 dark chocolate Hershey Kisses--oh stop making snooty faces, they might not be "quality" but they're marvelous--and they're 5 points. And since I know that it's almost half a point per chocolate, I can portion out more appropriately.

5. Expecting Too Much Too Soon
After several months of dedication you're down in the dumps—you feel the scale has barely moved. Expecting too much weight loss too soon is an extremely common blunder. A healthy rate of weight loss is up to two pounds a week. But many people aim for more than that, then feel like failures and give up when they don't reach that unrealistically high goal.

Antidote: Make "slow and steady" your mantra. If you really don't believe that one to two pounds amounts to much weight loss, lift two pounds of butter the next time you're at the supermarket. You'll realize how well you're doing.

169 and a green feather

2008-01-12T10:35:00.000-08:00

I finally managed to break the surface of the 70s without being sick the entire week before, thus starving myself because when I feel like ick, I do not eat.

One thing that would really be awesome about losing weight is if I had a buddy to do it with. But I don't have a lot of friends and I don't have ANY friends who are really all that worried about their weight. I'm kind of in my own canoe and while it's fine to just paddle by oneself and do all my own steering, wouldn't it be nice if I had someone to just take a little bit of the strain off, to help motivate me and cheer me on.

But hey, that I got this far on my own? That's totally awesome. I'm going to the WW meeting again next week. I'm going to continue walking every day (except weekends--Saturday is WW day and Sunday is the day of rest) and recording my intake every day. I wasn't perfect last week but I can always do better.

One of my biggest struggles though is that I don't go to bed on time so I don't wake up on time and then I feel like walking for 45 minutes on the treadmill is a total time suck and I'd be able to do more if I just skipped it. What do you guys suggest besides just getting to bed earlier and getting up on time?

Also, what music do you recommend I put in my CD alarm clock? I have it set to a radio station but I hate it and I wake up in a bad mood. But I can't find a good CD that will wake me up and will help me transition into a good, motivated mood. Anyone have any suggestions?

Being awesome to yourself

2008-01-10T09:57:00.000-08:00

One of the things that really has helped me out as I've worked on healing myself is getting gussied up. I have found a bit of love in putting on make-up, popping in earrings (even if it does mean having to reopen that dang hole if I don't wear them every single day), putting on my favorite and most flattering clothes. So I thought I would share a few things that I do happen to love most in part of putting on my 'armor', my guss.

Clinique's High Definition Lashes Brush Then Comb Mascara

Sure, it's not the green and pink mascara they sell in every magazine. I hear that the makers of that green/pink mascara bribe the mags to boast that they are the best-selling. I wouldn't be surprising, this stuff works far better than any other mascara I've tried, including the green/pink one. It really does help separate and define my blonde lashes. Ah the woes of having such long lashes but they're nigh transparent!

Biosilk

Whether I decide it's a day for curls or straight, I always put this stuff in my hair. I bought a small bottle to try out at Z's Cosmetology and though a little bottle set me back $9 (and that's cheaper than you can get it anywhere else!), it's marvelous. It makes my hair soft and sooo shiny. It also fights frizz, though when I spray down the floors and wash the dishes at the salad bar prep room, nothing can really fight the frizz then. But it's fine to put in the hair every day and only the smallest of droplets is really absolutely necessary. And it smells really really good. Mmm!

And Finally:
Oil Of Olay Complete All Day UV Moisture Lotion

I usually buy Mary Kay moisturizer for my skin but one day I was out! I had nothing for my skin and it being winter, that was Not Good News. So I headed out to my Walgreens, having to pick up my pill anyways and checked out their products. I heard OoO was pretty good and picked up this bottle. I got the Sensitive Skin one because I wanted to be careful. Well, at first I was dubious because it didn't seem very thick but now I'm hooked. It's not greasy at all and after two days of using it, my skin felt so nice and soft. And you can never go wrong with SPF 15!

Anyways, those are three things that I use every day to put a little shine and polish to my body and to make me feel a little bit more special. :) As I make my recovery, I know it doesn't hurt to reward myself for my hard work and give myself a few 'bennies' as Alton Brown puts it.

168.4 - "Don't worry. You will see this weight again."

2008-01-09T12:37:00.000-08:00

My mother told me the above as I was losing weight and disgusted with my yo-yo-ing. It has become a rallying cry whenever I gain weight and a reassurance when I see that better weight again.

All this week I've been good with points and Monday and Tuesday I added walking with the good Doctor House. I love the treadmill. I love the ancient giant television. And I especially love TV on DVDs with subtitles. I also love fans that circulate air. When I move out on my own, I will either get my own treadmill or offer to take my parents' treadmill off their hands for them because honestly I am the only one who really uses it. And I want it to keep forever and ever as long as it doesn't break on me again.

172.0 Every day, every hour, every minute is a new start

2008-01-07T21:53:00.000-08:00

I've done poorly, I have to admit. Discount chocolates and snow (which is all gone now, yay!) and too much sitting on my bum has made the pound count creep up. But I made some resolutions! Being the New Year, it's time to change some habits, drop bad ones, make good ones, etc!

So I resolve now to:

- Attend all my Weight Watchers Meetings.
- Walk every morning, blisters not withstanding
- Only check my weight twice a week so I'm not obsessing.
- Log in my intake as often as necessary in a day to keep up.

Yeah, only 4 but hey, I don't need a ton. And, of course, the above are negotiable depending on the ability to do so. So I will only NOT walk if my blisters get so bad that I can't keep up on the treadmill. Or I'll go to all my WW meetings unless the weather is so terrible that I don't dare go out, or I'm too sick to really want to pass it on to others and so on.

Hello New Year!

170.0 Bouncing

2007-12-31T09:01:00.001-08:00

It's not a yo-yo, it's a bounce. And it's the holidays. And it's hard to keep away from the new candy I keep discovering, like the Andes Cherry Jubilee. That stuff tastes like hot chocolate with a hint of cherry and it's oh-so-good. I could eat so much of it and it was half off at Hy-Vee the day after Christmas and so just before I headed home, I picked up a bag along with half off Ferrero Rocher which I have not broken into yet.

It's not smart for me to hide food, it really isn't. But if I don't hide it, it goes away horrifyingly fast. I should start hoarding good food like vegetables and the like out in the open, like in a bowl in the kitchen. I bet THAT won't go away in a hurry. But it is a good idea.

Now to wrestle with my conscience over the really really really good chocolate.

Weight Watchers Article: The Top 6 Weight-Loss Lies

2007-12-24T06:24:00.000-08:00

I took this off the Weight Watchers website because I think you have to actually log in to read their articles. I'm not sure, but either way, I found this to be a very interesting read and have fallen for these lies in the past.

"People may set unrealistic goals or deprive themselves in extreme ways that are very difficult to maintain," says Bethany Teachman, PhD, assistant professor of psychology at the University of Virginia. "It's no wonder so many people lose weight initially but then have difficulty keeping the weight off."

Here we address the most common myths that undermine a healthy approach to weight loss—and offer tips to overcome them to achieve success.

1. I need to go on a "diet."
"The whole concept of a 'diet' sets us up to think we will be 'on a diet' then 'off a diet,'" says Teachman. Instead, think of your weight-loss plan as a lifestyle commitment to healthy eating and exercise, for the long haul.

2. I'll get back on track on Monday/after the holidays/when the sun comes out.
There's no day like today. If you slip, just pick up where you left off. Persistence works wonders.

3. All my problems will be solved when I lose weight.
Dropping pounds may leave you feeling healthier and happier, but it won't make you more lovable or turn you into a runway model. Be clear about why you want to lose weight, and set realistic goals. "It's far more motivating to strive toward being fit and energetic than it is to strive toward being a size 2," Teachman says.

4. Fat people don't deserve to eat.
Do you forego the office pizza because you're afraid people will think you shouldn't be eating? Seeing yourself through others' eyes in a harsh, critical way "is a surefire way to blow a weight-loss plan," says psychologist Debra Mandel, PhD, author of Healing the Sensitive Heart (Airleaf Publishing, 2005). Instead, she suggests, it's more effective to focus on developing a more loving relationship with your body. A study published in the Journal of Behavioral Medicine (Winter 1998) found that those who started out accepting their bodies were more than twice as likely to lose weight than those who felt dissatisfied or ashamed.

5. I shouldn't wear a bathing suit (shorts, a tank top) until I've lost all the weight.
Lots of people of all different sizes enjoy sexy clothes. "When you love yourself, you start enjoying life," says Mandel. Break big goals into smaller ones, and reward yourself along the way. Rather than saying, "I need to lose 25 pounds," say, "I'll buy a new swimsuit, one size smaller."

6. The less I eat, the faster I'll lose.
Wrong. "The less we eat, the slower our metabolism gets, and the slower we lose the weight," says Mandel. "Deprivation also makes us unhappy and actually causes us to overeat and overindulge." A slow and steady approach—including treating yourself to your favorite foods, in moderation—is your best bet for building a healthy relationship with food and reaching your long-term goals.

So stop telling yourself lies that sabotage your efforts. Instead, start living your life with a weight-loss plan that works for you. You'll feel better about yourself, your confidence will grow, and you'll keep the weight off.

168.2 + measurements

2007-12-13T09:46:00.000-08:00

New measurements as of today:

bust: 39"
ribcage: 32.5"
waist: 31.5"
hips: 42.5"

And here were my measurements in June:

bust: 41"
ribcage: 34"
waist: 34.75" (from 38")
hips: 45.5" (from 47")

171.6

2007-12-09T21:23:00.000-08:00

It was a very bad week. I weighed myself on Wednesday to find I had climbed back to 173-174 (I don't remember the exact weight) and was determined to bring it back down, which I did but not back to last week. I'm determined to see that 169 again!

But that aside, one of the really exciting things is that someone actually mentioned that I was looking better. I know that weight is a very touchy subject but I have to say, I am fully aware I'm overweight and I appreciate the comment that I look thinner and healthier. I want to hear it! I won't hate anyone who says so. But the girl was hesitant to say anything, which is okay, it's not something that is comfortable to come up to someone and say.

So hey, not only am I lighter, I'm looking thinner. Awesome!

169

2007-12-02T08:28:00.001-08:00

So in about a month (since it's been that long since I posted...that's sort of surprising) I've lost about 4 pounds. That's a good goal, I might like to continue to stick to that. It's slow but it seems pretty steady.

Thanksgiving was a toss or so I thought. I ate out almost every night. Monday was all-you-care-to-eat pizza with friends. I was stuffed after the apple beer and two slices of pizza. Then Tuesday was sushi with a different group of friends. They had all-you-care-to-eat but I decided to play it a lot more smart and had one roll and a large glass of water, no ice. I hate ice in my water. And Wednesday I went on a last-minute run with some friends to Borders and since the Happy Sumo was right there...well...

So it was a surprise to find that before I left, I was 174.6 and when I came back, was 169! Where did it go? Oh well, it's okay, I don't want it back!

To celebrate, I bought myself a Gold Dragon Keychain though I will employ it as a zipper gem since I already have keychains a'plenty. :)

And I keep pluggin' along.

173.4

2007-10-30T08:01:00.001-07:00

I'm down 18 pounds now, which is really exciting. The only problem is that it's Halloween tomorrow. Mom's already bought far more chocolate than we've ever had children come to our door, ever. And my sweet and awesome Visiting Teachers gave me candy and then my VT companion gave me candy and I think I gave myself a stomach ache from just a little too much (though a lot less than I remember getting sick to, I think I've become a bit sensitive to sweets).

Speaking of sensitivity, my appetite is changing. The other night, I was craving grapes like you wouldn't believe. I was surrounded by Halloween candy and all I wanted were grapes. The carrot that I had from the veggie tray (relax, they were going to throw it out anyways) was also very satisfying and had I been presented with a choice between carrots or chocolate, I would have strangely been drawn to the carrots. Mmmm, carrots.

Not that I'll shun a box of Junior Mints if presented to me, yum!

174.6

2007-10-25T09:45:00.000-07:00

You know, at first it was really exciting. Then it got to be kind of fun. And now it's just annoying.

My underwear is too big.

174.8

2007-10-13T08:16:00.001-07:00

I woke up this morning, dreading what I might find at my Weight Watchers meeting. Would I have gained drastically? Would I have made up all that weight I've lost? I checked the scale. 175.6 Hmm, well, that's not exactly a marked weight loss.

So, I went to my meeting. I was actually a little late or perhaps right on time, I'm not sure. But I checked in and congrats to me, I have lost weight! Yaaay!

Ugh, but I'm sleepy now. I'm going to listen to the storm and sleep.

I Can Handle The Truth!

2007-10-03T11:59:00.001-07:00

There's a new show out called The Truth About Food. I just watched the Younger and Prettier (or something like that) episode. One of the experiments was the Detox. I have a friend who does that, she detoxes a lot. Juices, Waters, Fasting.

So for a week, they had the control group who ate chocolate, pasta, tea, etc. And then there was the Detox group who had blender juices (mmm, garlic and onion with other stuff for breakfast, delish) for a week, though they graduated into salads and white fish after a bit. Once the week was over, they compared urine and saliva samples from the start with urine and saliva samples at the end and the result?

NO. FREAKING. DIFFERENCE. None. The reason? The liver and kidney usually process most stuff within 24-48 hours. A day long fast may make a difference but the body is terribly efficient when it comes to toxins (unless your organs don't work, of course) and detoxing does nothing.

Another surprising experiment was the Water Is Good For Skin one. They took a set of twins and had one drink up to 2 liters a day and the other drink no straight water, just juices, coffee, and tea. They started off at a skin specialist and ended with one. Their skins were analyzed for moisture content, clarity, etc. And the result?

NO. FREAKING. DIFFERENCE. None. The reason was that up to a third of the water you get comes from your food. However, water IS a good appetite suppressant and many times, your body will ask for food when you are thirsty because you get so much moisture from what you eat. So my personal opinion? Drink your water anyways. It won't give you Photoshop perfect skin but it will help your body function better. After all, I drink 2 liters and 2 cups daily and it does a wonder for my kidney.

I love this show, I'm going to keep watching it. :D

177.2 at WW.

2007-10-02T07:17:00.001-07:00

Of course, before I went in, I weighed myself and was 176.6. Still, I had gained somewhat. But after walking around all day at the Ren Fest and being really careful, I weighed myself this morning and was delighted to find that I've gone down to...

175.2!

175 is my goal for this week and I am so very very close! Now if I don't screw it up, everything will be sunshine and roses and I will buy a bag of M&Ms (don't worry, I'll be very careful with them, but I can't continue to deny myself chocolate, it's cruel).

So, my advice this week is to not knock leisurely walking, three hours of it can add up to 14 points and a pound of weight loss! :D And anyone could spend three hours at the mall if they must (though the Ren Fest is better, it has hills, oh heavens does it have hills).

Good girl

2007-09-24T21:14:00.000-07:00

I was reading an entry in October's Real Simple about praise. And I realized, I've not praised myself for my work. I've lost FIFTEEN POUNDS. That's AMAZING! That's been hard. That's been a lot of anime on the treadmill, a lot of chocolate I didn't eat, a lot of blisters that have come and gone.

And all I can think of is the next pound? When do I stop for a moment in this trek and look around, take a deep breath and go "Wow. This is an amazing place. I'm doing good"? No, I need a pause, a smile, a pat on my back and realize "Good girl, Kit. Good job".

176.4

2007-09-23T05:57:00.000-07:00

I didn't get to my WW meeting yesterday because I was at the Renaissance Festival! And let me tell you, when you're walking all day, you really burn up those pounds. I checked my weight that morning and I was something like 177.6, having only lost 0.4 pounds. But all that walking lost me another 1.2. Now, I didn't EAT very well, but I figured I'm having a good time, I'll forego Point Watching that day.

Not that it mattered since I still lost, yay! So, the total weight I've lost since going to the WW meetins is 4 pounds! And the ticker above tells you how much since January.

Blows your mind, doesn't it?

178 even!

2007-09-15T09:10:00.000-07:00

Well, I finally did it, I hit my mental weight marker. I don't know what it is about 178 but that is some sort of mental mile marker. I have been wanting to hit 178 since I started and now I'm here. It's so exciting!

Now that my treadmill is temporarily on the fritz AND it has started cooling off outside, it's time to reconsider how to get my exercise in. This Website should be just the thing. Now, do I go by miles or do I go by time? I'd been averaging 2.25 miles for 45 minutes. I may have to go by distance and just try to make myself go faster. Hmm.

Anyways, I think it's time to celebrate!

Broken.

2007-09-14T21:51:00.000-07:00

I thought that I'd make Friday my Last Chance Before Weigh-In day. I ate well, I did my strength exercises and I decided that to really cinch it, I would take a walk on the treadmill.

So I turned on House M.D. with subtitles and volume off, turned on my iPod and started off at the usual 3.0 mph setting. But about five minutes in I thought, y'know, I really ought to kick it up a notch. And so I boldly increased speed by 0.2. 3.2 mph and I was flying. But then something odd began to happen. First there was a rubbing noise. I thought I just wasn't picking up my feet enough so I worked on that but it didn't help. "Something's caught underneath" I thought to myself and figured I'd look into it when I was done walking.

Then the speed started subtly fluctuating. It was a little like walking on ice, actually. Or wet pavement. Or gravel. "Huh, that's not supposed to happen" but I figured it was just getting old.

And then it happened. With a loud CLUNK!, the tension went out on the band, I might as well had been walking on a cotton blanket laid on a marble hall. "CRAP!" I jumped right off the thing as House continued to consider the implications of a woman with an allergy that was kicking her right in the uterus (you've seen that one, right? With the nun?) and came to my own conclusions.

I broke the stinkin' treadmill. Well, if that ain't just a blow to the ego. Dad thinks he can fix it but we'll see.

In the meantime, I got 35 minutes in at least. Never did get to see House fix the nun but I've seen it before.

179.2

2007-09-10T08:09:00.000-07:00

After a bad-for-you trip to Utah, I had gained about 1.4 pounds but by my Weight Watchers Meeting, I was back to where I was before I left. The lady behind the counter seems to have some small miscalculation skills, she didn't see that I hadn't actually lost from before and said that I lost a pound. I took a look at my booklet and noticed that this was untrue. But I am not going to argue with someone who believes I've lost a little weight.

It's gotten a little cooler since I've come back. It's between 70 and 80 degrees out here, quite a change from the 100s, it'll be nice to start walking outside now. Mmm.

Here's to another week of losing weight@

180.6

2007-09-04T07:11:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm back from a very hectic, very uncontrolled-eating type week in Utah. I didn't walk, I didn't write down my intake, and I ate out almost every single night. And I came home dreading that scale. I'm no fan of it anyways, but it's always hard when you get back from a trip and realize that you've been very bad and that you'll have to get right back up on that horse. Nnng, not a happy thought.

But this morning, my inbox had a WW article on recovering from vacations. And one of the bits of advice was to: "Go straight back to weighing in, say our Community Users – even go to a meeting earlier in the week than normal to get right back in the groove." Good advice, I took it.

I gained a little over a pound, I suppose. But that's not bad, honestly. It's not the 185 I was dreading to see looking back at me. Phew! I can be quite the pessimist, I guess. But I should mention that though I visited McDonalds more in one week than I had in probably three years (I hate McD's but at least they have those snack wraps and I would get the grilled honey-mustard and one was enough to satisfy the hunger a bit, and their fruit & walnut salad was fine as another meal), I had an amazing time with my friends and my family and being with them was much more important than fussing constantly over what I was eating.

So hey, I'm back and I'm up on the horse again!

Where is it hiding?

2007-08-20T07:27:00.000-07:00

Jen brought up an awesome link to an article (I should install Haloscan on this blog too since I can't email anyone back when they comment) about how there can be just as many calories, if not more, in fast food salads.

The thing is, where are those calories coming from? Let's take my favorite, the Mandarin Chicken Salad from Wendy's. Mmm, juicy mandarins, tender chicken, and a decent amount of dark greens (I could use some tomatoes, too, but whatever). So, increased sugar, sure, in the mandarins. But c'mon, that's barely half a point there. Chicken? I get the grilled or non-crispy version. Lots of healthy protein and it *seems* lean enough, haven't been inundated with grease or fat in a single one. But the calories? They're in the side packets. Every salad comes with a packet of "Crispy Noodles" and "Almonds" (generally very salty ones too) and a tremendous dose of their Asian Dressing. Ugh! That's how they get to be just as bad as a 1/4 pounder with fries and a coke. I leave off the noodles and the almonds and use only half the salad dressing and it's only, I think, 5-6 points that way.

However, considering the options along the way, perhaps I'm better off just making a loaf of bread before we leave and bringing it, along with some lovely deli meat and a little mustard and lots of fruit. That's better eats there.

179.2

2007-08-18T08:16:00.000-07:00

Well, they did say that you have to eat your exercise points, too, which I did. But I think I went a little nuts with the food last Saturday and Sunday and that didn't help things much. ;) Still, a pound is a victory!

Week after next, things may be a little harder since I'll be in Utah. I'll try to exercise but the whole schedule is hectic since I'll be juggling family, friends, and clinicals preparation. And family and friends always tends to equal food and those long car trips always play havoc with my consumption. Maybe I'll have to plan on healthy alternatives. Like Wendy's salads, McDonald's fruit & walnut salad (mmm) and so on.

Anyone have some good ideas for traveling, things that might help? It'll be an 18 hour car trip, I'll take what help I can get! :D

180.6

2007-08-04T08:30:00.000-07:00

Dear Weight Watchers,

I've kept up with my points and I've exercised for 22 points. I've given myself a nasty blister on the large toe of BOTH FEET. I've walked through about ten episodes of Samurai Champloo and my brand new size 14 pants are baggy in the seat and yet I somehow managed to gain. And I would like to ask you to please consult your scales. Also, how can I go to the meetings for 3 weeks and gain 0.2 pounds while the other lady lost 5.6 pounds? That had better been WATER weight.

Bah. I'm still chuffed that I walked 45 minutes every day. I'm rather surprised that I kept so faithful with my point-recording (even more surprised when I remembered that while making chocochip cookies the other day, I didn't eat the dough, which I usually can't keep my hands away from) and that I lifted weights when they came up on Buff Brides (M,W,F).

I'm celebrating with waffles mom made for my brother and my favorite tea ever.

I'll do my best again this week and I will kick your scales if they lie to me again about how hard I worked, WW. Just see if I don't!

-Kit (who is NOT LAZY so lay off!)

Attitude

2007-07-25T09:33:00.000-07:00

People have a severe stigma to being overweight. As one of those who are deemed 'obese', even 'morbidly obese' (what does that really mean anyways?), I am subject to ridicule, whether the people are aware of it or not. I am frequently afraid to go out in this body of mine because I see the looks of heavy judgment. Overweight people are considered either unwilling or unable to fend for themselves properly. They either "don't know" how to cook healthy foods or are "too lazy" to do so (thank you, Oprah, for further enabling this mindset, you tramp). Both are severely unflattering attitudes towards the overweight.

When I had my second kidney transplant, I was 114 pounds. You see now that it didn't last. I recovered from my illness and without getting into the habit of eating healthy, my weight returned and I became heavier than I have ever been in my life. But it didn't happen overnight. Soon after I recovered from my transplant, I began swimming because it was an easier form of exertion than walking, which I still did nightly (until that vicious dog bit me, then I was a little more hesitant). Fat people do not get that way overnight. It is NOT a conscious decision. Those who do not bear that burden of obesity do not seem to realize this. I did not wake up from the operating table thinking "Glad that's over with, I'm going to go to McDonalds now and order one of everything off the menu with double fries!"

Many overweight people also have very slow metabolisms. I am burdened with that as well, thanks to medication that keep me alive and healthy. My darling sister has a metabolism like a roaring wildfire in the middle of summer whereas mine is like a soggy log.

And then there are the pernicious habits. One of the ones I'm trying to overcome is eating after dinner. I get hungry after 9 or 10, but it's not an appetite sort of hungry, it's a nibbly, snacky sort of hunger. I also have gained the habit while reading and, well, it's been a very read-y sort of week, what with Harry Potter (which I haven't finished yet, so hush) and all and you know, grapes are only so appetizing until my body rebels against whatever it is in fruit that makes it go like a bullet through the system. Ugh.

So, give the overweight a chance. Do not dismiss or judge. They are neither less intelligent, nor less ambitious than anyone else. They *are* resentful, however. They deal with a lot of abuse. I've had to endure talks from people who think that they know my circumstances intimately. I've heard insults from doctors and friends. I tolerate it because I realize that they *don't* know, but it doesn't hurt any less.

179.8

2007-07-21T10:57:00.000-07:00

I've broke (however weakly) through the 180 mark! And the nice thing is that I've started going to the Weight Watchers Meetings. The big thing I learned this morning was:

You have to eat all of your points to lose weight. The teacher (Elysabeth? Elyzabeth? She had an interesting spelling to her name that my brain didn't catch) said that some people would approach the scale and say something about eating fewer points than allotted and would be surprised that they either gained or stayed the same. You need to eat to satisfy your body or it slips quite easily into starvation-survival mode. How interesting! Dad also mentioned something (he's a Zone Diet nut) about how you need to feed your body to provide proper energy for metabolism. Definitely something to think about.

The weight I got at the Meeting was 180.4 or something like that but that was with work-out clothes (t-shirt, yoga pants, socks & bra) atop my underwear (I take my weight in the bathroom in nothing but my underwear since that seems more accurate). Still, not a bad weight.

My 10% goal is 162. I wondered how they reached that until I realized that it's 10% of your current body weight, not 10% of the weight you intend to lose.

The goal for exercise is to do up to 28 points a week. 28/7 = 4. If I walk on that treadmill twice a day, if I treadmill and weight-lift, if I treadmill and walk the dog twice...each scenario is 4 points. That isn't hard to do at all! It's being consistent that is the trick. I need to work on that.

So, this week, I'm going to work up to 28 points of exercise.

I will also eat all 24 of my points, which requires a lot more faithful point-watching. But that's possible, too.

It's all possible.

181.6 (as of last Monday)

2007-07-19T04:54:00.000-07:00

Things I've noticed:

My arms are getting toned to the point that my Dad noticed. Dad wouldn't notice if I pulled a Tonks and dyed my hair a violent pink but last night he looked down (at my left arm, it's not the bumpier one) and said "Oh wow, you're really getting buff!".

My stomach is getting flatter, too. The rolls are disappearing.

Yeah, I'm starting to feel pretty good about this. I'm sleeping better, too.

Yay!

182.2

2007-07-11T09:31:00.000-07:00

As of last Monday, I have gained 0.8 pounds. It's not so terrible but if I want to be of a healthy weight and size by the time I'm 30, I need to do better than that.

And I have been. I walked on the treadmill Monday and today. The worst of my menses was yesterday so I took it easy. When there's little blood flowing, you don't want to overtax yourself.

This whole weight loss has really emphasized the fact that this is NOT about how I look. Being 'thin' is a bonus but this is about Recovery. I feel like I am actually getting over being very ill. And I know what it's like to be very ill. I am feeling better, I'm sure my kidney thanks me for all of this and I have more energy. My latest menses has not knocked me over like it normally does. Walking 3 mph on my treadmill is getting to be too slow for me. I've been really focusing on eating carefully. I feel a lot more sharp for doing this, a little less sleepy and a little more aware.

You know, I saw the video of the girl who was obese talking about how she was going to take a stand, she would not lose weight, ever, because she resented all those thin skeletons walking around and I am sad for her. Losing weight to 'look good' is awful, but gaining or remaining obese to 'show them' is just as bad. We are not designed to be over or underweight. Too underweight and our bones become brittle, they need the resistance that comes with healthy weight on them. Too overweight and we really tax our internal organs. There has to be a middle ground! For someone as small as I am but for my weight, I am doing no favors for my liver, my heart, my kidney. Instead, I am violating my warranty.

Life is beautiful. There are wonderful people out there to meet, amazing things I still want to see. And now I'm giving myself the chance to experience this.

2007-06-28T07:16:00.000-07:00

181.4

This restricted-snacking thing is going VERY well. I haven't yet put up a list of things that I should avoid but most of them start with the letter C. Can you guess?

Cookies
Cakes
Chocolate and
Chips.

And yes, I've been mostly managing to stay away from it. Er, mostly. Sometimes I sneak a chip or suck on an M&M but I'm not all out hauling the M&M jar* to my desk and snarfing 'em down. However, if I do get a craving for something sweet, I help myself to a Weight Watchers Giant Cookies'n'Cream Ice Cream Bar (it's the 6th one down, I haven't tried the chocolate cookies'n'cream bar, chocolate ice cream always tastes really off to me). Man, it's REALLY good and it's high in fiber and about 140 calories or so. I walk that off in half an hour on the ol' treadmill. Yummy.

I've also returned to the basement to watch Trigun and walk for half an hour. I'm not sure what it is, there's just something about walking on a treadmill that really provides a workout. It's just nothing like walking outside at all.

And finally, I really recommend checking out the Hungry Girl website, which provides really good trade-out recipes, the latest in good-for-you snacks and tends to be a good resource. And it's kind of cute.

Now I got to walk the dog.

Also, did I mention my arms are getting quite toned? I'm very chuffed about seeing muscles in the mirror.

*It's a little clay jar marked 'Happiness' on the outside which works for M&Ms but if they add to my weight gain, I can't say that they really provide much in the way of Happiness at all.

2007-06-25T11:24:00.000-07:00

183 as of this morning.

Happy Birthday, Kit, have a pound! Yey. So, here's what I think I'll change this week. I'm going to ignore all the garbage my parents bought at Aldi (actually, it's my dad who throws in the four bags of chips and three boxes of snack cakes. Mom should learn better than to go grocery shopping with him) and concentrate especially on healthy snacks. This isn't easy because there is little in the way of fruits and veggies around here. I may have to make a trip to Walmart later in my car that has no air-conditioning. Hey, free sauna, that helps you lose weight, right?

Er, anyways. I'm going to make a list of food in the sidebar of things I am restricting since I feel I need to focus on my control in eating those. And I should make another list while I'm at it of stuff I can and SHOULD eat, that I like. :d

Here's hoping things go better this week, I've already walked 30 minutes and I'm still going to work on my strengthening exercises!

Also:
New Goal!

I want to be 120 pounds lighter by the time I turn 30! So, updated the ticker and here's hoping I make it!

2007-06-13T09:10:00.001-07:00

Still plateau'd at 182 but here are my new measurements:

Bra: 38C. (ribcage = 34", boobies = 41", down from 43") (This is a good blog post about proper bra measurements since I don't really trust stores to do it right.)
Waist: 34.75" (from 38")
Hips: 45.5" (from 47")

And my arms, woo! I'm seeing a lot of tone, thanks to the Weight Watcher's Buff Brides. Once the 12 weeks are over, I'm starting over. It's been so helpful and I really want to do it again. :)

And Blogger isn't sending me comments so I'm starting to notice just now that I've got a small cheering section. Thank you all so much, I really appreciate the positive responses!

I think I might be done editing this post now, I've gone in three or four times, my apologies.

2007-05-28T07:25:00.001-07:00

182

That's my new weight, isn't it exciting? That's 9 pounds lost now. I've also noticed that my ring, even when my finger is kind of sticky with the humidity, tends to slide around a little.

I thought, perhaps, that I hadn't lost at all because though it's still kind of easy to put on pants, it's not like I'm slipping right into them when they're fresh from the laundry. But I guess that could also be because I'm a little bloated.

But I was completely and utterly faithful to Weight Watchers. And that, I believe, is what did it.

I'm halfway through the Buff Brides routine. Week 6 is this week. I can't see any difference in my arms but I suppose if I want that, I should really wake up at 6am and go swimming again.

Which is not such a bad idea.

2007-05-25T21:53:00.001-07:00

I overate. By 10.5 points, I overate.

Thank goodness for the bonus points but to me, that's not enough. I think that tomorrow, I will aim to eat only 19 out of 24 points and do it again on Sunday.

I can do 19. I've done 18 for a whole week.

I've been doing so well. I will reward myself tomorrow by going to the S'n'B that I've never been to ever before tomorrow at 3:30. It's at a cafe so I think I'll try their tea. But no more hot cocoas. That's ridiculous.

2007-04-27T08:44:00.000-07:00

Well, as of last week Wednesday, I was 187. Today I'm 183.6. Not through stringent attempts to starve myself into misery but...well, I'm not sure what worked. Perhaps it was the walking or the one morning of Buff Brides workout. But whatever it was, I hope it KEEPS WORKING!!!

I haven't exercised yet this morning but I do have some exercise bands so I can work on my chesticular region.

I'm a little sleepy-eyed and slow-starting this morning. My lap-area is sore from last Wednesday but that should get better. After all, I could hold a squat for over 30 seconds in Tae Kwon Do, why not work up to that again? I could also kick someone's head at my 5'2" level but only if they were my height. Still!

I miss TKD.

2007-04-25T07:22:00.000-07:00

I'm not so sure I want to weigh myself yet. I still haven't had a menses (TMI I know, but that's the facts of life for a woman, you can't close your eyes and pretend that such things don't happen. EVERYBODY POOPS.) and I feel like I'm somewhat bloated, perhaps. Getting into a fresh pair of jeans was just not as easy as it was once before. But I still don't have quadra-boob which I'm grateful for.

I was browsing the Weight Watchers website and realized that the Buff Brides section has workouts and everything. I realize I'm much closer to being 'buff' than being a bride but why not start as early as possible, eh?

The workouts are low-impact with decent enough stretches for beginners. I'm not a fan of lunges, squats, and such because my upper legs have been neglected for so long. The upper body workouts though aren't bad at all but I have pretty decent upper body strength.

Oh! I decided for certain what I want after my first hurdle, the 10 pound mark. Want to know what it is?

Zhena's Gypsy Tea in Red Lavender. I got a tin once before from a friend and it was definitely the best tea I have ever had. It's herbal rooibos with lavender and it tastes a little ginger-ish and it's definitely a perky tea. I just don't know if I want to get 100 tea bags or get the 1 lb loose tea. Ah, decisions.

Speaking of teas, I had won the Happily Handmade Giveaway and my favorite thing in there was a large packet of loose Choco Lotta Vanilla Tisane from SBS teas. It's as sweet as it sounds and it takes the edge off my voracious sweets monster that I get after dinner.

Well, I'm going to drag some weights up from the basement along with my yoga mat so I'm better prepared to work out on Friday. Thursday is considered a "rest" day but since I skipped my walk yesterday, I'll walk on Thursday.

And Saturday I walk for babies, yay!

2007-04-19T06:30:00.000-07:00

I'm baffled. I'm frustrated. And I'm honestly a bit depressed. I'm 187 today despite having about 18 points to eat out of 24. I'm now wondering if it's something else, like my terribly delayed Auntie Flo, maybe I'm retaining water, maybe it's related to the GI upset I had yesterday. I'm not sure but I'm done weighing myself daily. It's upsetting.

Ah well, I'm going to be very careful today.

2007-04-18T06:23:00.000-07:00

Still 186.4, though the scale wavered a little. I'm caught up in frustration as I consider all I did yesterday. My list of food was small:
Breakfast
oatmeal made with half a cup of milk.

Lunch
1 slice of homemade bread with 3 thin slices of salami
1 apple

Afternoon snack
Half a serving of M&Ms
One 100 calorie pack of Ritz crackers

Dinner
1 slice of bread with 1/4 cup of egg salad (mom had made chicken enchiladas but the cilantro in it was so overwhelming I just couldn't eat it)
1 large Fuji apple

I think I'm going to aim to avoid the M&Ms today. I'm also not going to walk because I'm feeling crampy. I may not walk with Daisy as well today since she hurt her paw and won't want to go far if she's limping like a hunchback.

2007-04-17T07:24:00.000-07:00

Currently 186.4, thinking most of that is water because I was 1 point short of the daily recommended 24. That or they're too generous with their points. I will try to shoot for 18 points today (6 per meal or so). Mom's making a Pepper soup from her diabetic cookbook and it sounds very low in points.

I also discovered that cilantro is very unpleasant and unwisely chose an orange Cadbury cream egg to get the taste out of my mouth. Each egg is 4 points. Ugh.

2007-04-16T06:43:00.000-07:00

I was feeling good about only gaining a little over a pound until I looked at my curve chart. I've been hovering badly, not losing much at all. It's disappointing and I only have myself to blame.

I am determined however. My goal is 184 by next Monday. I've already walked on the treadmill this morning and I've eaten a healthy bowl of oatmeal, I will lose this weight! Yah!

I also plan on weighing myself daily. I have to shove myself into obsessive mode if I am going to lose any of this weight. At least to get me started. If I can lose about 0.3 pounds a day, I'll make it so here's to being a little obsessive, huzzah!

And I'm putting these Ferrero Rocher in the freezer and I'll treat myself to one if I make it to 184 on Monday.

2007-04-04T16:27:00.000-07:00

I should mention some other observations of weight loss other than what just the scale tells me.

1. Monday, I put on a pair of freshly washed jeans. There was still a tightness but there was no sincere struggle and no discomfort sitting in them. I didn't have to unbutton them just to feel like I could breathe and that was extremely exciting.

2. I have lost the double breast. Y'know that flabby area that isn't contained by the bra, particularly if the bra is too small? Yeah, I have two boobs again, not four.

3. I'm debating on either buying a copy of Merlin on DVD or a copy of Twelfth Night on DVD when I hit 181. Hmm, decisions, decisions. Either way, mom says she will spring for a new outfit for me when I lose the weight and that'll be awesome, a nice summer dress for church, some new shirts, perhaps. That would be exciting.

tomorrow I weigh in again!

2007-04-02T07:58:00.000-07:00

Down another pound. I've decided I'm going to try to crack the habit of not logging my intake in 21 days, the scientifically determined amount of time that it takes to make a new habit. I wonder if it actually works and if I shouldn't try to do that in other areas of my life like with scripture reading, getting up early, etc. But, y'know, one step at a time.

So, if I keep going down about 3 pounds a week--which is what I seem to be able to manage--I'll lose about 54 pounds by the time Don is home. 185-54 = 131 pounds. That'd be awesome, I wonder if I could do it. Y'know what? Black belt attitude. I will do it!

But no sense in being greedy, I am happy with any weight loss I have. It's a step closer to being healthy, being more energetic, being more lovely (not that I'm not lovely now, just a lot more lumpy than I'd like to be).

Here's to keeping it up!

2007-03-29T09:08:00.000-07:00

When I got back from Utah, I was 188.4. I'm now 186.2 thanks to a lot of sweetened tea and possibly a bout of diarrhea stemming from salt water taffy and Good'n'Plentys. I am pretty sick of them, too. But at least I've lost weight.

I have been pondering the state of hunger. My body is better at knowing when it needs to eat than my head. I look at the clock and think "Well, it's noon, maybe it's lunch time" and I'm not hungry at all. So instead, I feel like I should actually wait until I'm hungry to eat. And not so hungry that I start to hiccup and feel faint but hungry enough that I'll have appetite for a meal. I think that would really help.

As I remarked in someone else's LiveJournal, I find obesity to be somewhat like an illness. People may believe that they are happy the way they are, but I wonder if they lost some weight, felt their clothes grow loose, found that their skin looks brighter, realized that they have more energy if they would realize that they are perhaps in need of being healthier.

I haven't felt the effects yet of the weight loss but my pants fresh from the wash are not so hard to pull on anymore. That's a step, isn't it?

I want to be healthier. I want to push on longer and harder. I want energy. I want to look good. I don't have to turn anyone's head but my own but that'd be worth it. I'm a beautiful woman. I believe that. And I believe I deserve to be thinner and healthier.

2007-03-15T07:41:00.000-07:00

187. I'm up a pound and a half from where I was on Monday. I have several reasons for this:

1. I haven't logged into WW since Sunday.
2. I got into a bag of Robin Eggs.
3. Someone brought dinner last night and I had 1.5 brownies and 2 dinner rolls on top of the pot roast, vegetables, and salad.

So while I'm off galavanting in Utah, I'm going to do the following:

1. Record in Weight Watchers as frequently as possible.
2. Bring only fruit and vegetables for the drive there and back.
3. Eat half portions of desserts/treats.

I won't have access to a scale until Monday the 26th so here's hoping it's not 189 again when I get back on it!

2007-03-12T10:10:00.000-07:00

I've lost another pound since Thursday. Let me just note that Jimmy Johns is not really that great for you and it's REALLY not great on the second day. Soggy bread and soggy lettuce, bleah.

I'm now just a pound under what I was when I moved back home. When I left Utah, my diet was not so spectacular. I ate mostly what I made for myself and that wasn't at all gourmet. Frozen chicken and frozen vegetables (particularly squash, mmm, so good). Lots of bagels, I couldn't get enough bagels. Cream cheese. I would always splurge on those large bags of apples (Fuji!) and I would try to make myself eat one a day. When you're not really caring so much about yourself, you don't make sure to eat your proper amount of good food, you know? I ate out a bit, when I felt I could afford it.

Now that I'm home, I'd been eating what mom would cook. Her chemo is preventing her from cooking too much anymore and so it's back to the frozen chicken and vegetables for dinner but at least we have a bread-making machine which keeps me stocked up in mostly wheat bread (half whole wheat and half AP flour) and that is reasonable for lunch. Breakfast is and always was oatmeal. I love flavored oatmeal.

I'd been getting into the sweets a little after Thursday. Mom brought home a box of chocolate macadamia nuts (how do you spell that dang word?) and since chocolate tastes foul to her, I adopted them and have since eaten the whole thing, even if I was more attracted to its texture than its flavor (something WAS off about that chocolate, probably some odd dark chocolate flavor). But this week, I do intend on losing a bit more.

It's March 12. I should have lost 20 pounds by now. I should be 171 pounds by now. I'm not. But I've made up my mind, I will not play the would've-could've-should've game. I want to learn to love my body, to accept it as it is, to repent of my bad habits and to treat it with care and love instead of abuse and loathing.

It's been a long road and it's just barely started but I've lost 6 pounds and I'm happy with that.

2007-03-07T09:32:00.000-08:00

As of Thursday, March 8, 2007.

What has been helping:
1. Assigning 6 points to a meal, giving me 18 points.

2. Not snacking, so those remaining 6 points are ignored.

3. Taking Daisy out for a small stroll every day for about 35 minutes.