Losing it in Utah now.

181.4

This restricted-snacking thing is going VERY well. I haven't yet put up a list of things that I should avoid but most of them start with the letter C. Can you guess?

Cookies
Cakes
Chocolate and
Chips.

And yes, I've been mostly managing to stay away from it. Er, mostly. Sometimes I sneak a chip or suck on an M&M but I'm not all out hauling the M&M jar* to my desk and snarfing 'em down. However, if I do get a craving for something sweet, I help myself to a Weight Watchers Giant Cookies'n'Cream Ice Cream Bar (it's the 6th one down, I haven't tried the chocolate cookies'n'cream bar, chocolate ice cream always tastes really off to me). Man, it's REALLY good and it's high in fiber and about 140 calories or so. I walk that off in half an hour on the ol' treadmill. Yummy.

I've also returned to the basement to watch Trigun and walk for half an hour. I'm not sure what it is, there's just something about walking on a treadmill that really provides a workout. It's just nothing like walking outside at all.

And finally, I really recommend checking out the Hungry Girl website, which provides really good trade-out recipes, the latest in good-for-you snacks and tends to be a good resource. And it's kind of cute.

Now I got to walk the dog.

Also, did I mention my arms are getting quite toned? I'm very chuffed about seeing muscles in the mirror.

*It's a little clay jar marked 'Happiness' on the outside which works for M&Ms but if they add to my weight gain, I can't say that they really provide much in the way of Happiness at all.

183 as of this morning.

Happy Birthday, Kit, have a pound! Yey. So, here's what I think I'll change this week. I'm going to ignore all the garbage my parents bought at Aldi (actually, it's my dad who throws in the four bags of chips and three boxes of snack cakes. Mom should learn better than to go grocery shopping with him) and concentrate especially on healthy snacks. This isn't easy because there is little in the way of fruits and veggies around here. I may have to make a trip to Walmart later in my car that has no air-conditioning. Hey, free sauna, that helps you lose weight, right?

Er, anyways. I'm going to make a list of food in the sidebar of things I am restricting since I feel I need to focus on my control in eating those. And I should make another list while I'm at it of stuff I can and SHOULD eat, that I like. :d

Here's hoping things go better this week, I've already walked 30 minutes and I'm still going to work on my strengthening exercises!

Also:
New Goal!

I want to be 120 pounds lighter by the time I turn 30! So, updated the ticker and here's hoping I make it!

Still plateau'd at 182 but here are my new measurements:

Bra: 38C. (ribcage = 34", boobies = 41", down from 43") (This is a good blog post about proper bra measurements since I don't really trust stores to do it right.)
Waist: 34.75" (from 38")
Hips: 45.5" (from 47")

And my arms, woo! I'm seeing a lot of tone, thanks to the Weight Watcher's Buff Brides. Once the 12 weeks are over, I'm starting over. It's been so helpful and I really want to do it again. :)

And Blogger isn't sending me comments so I'm starting to notice just now that I've got a small cheering section. Thank you all so much, I really appreciate the positive responses!

I think I might be done editing this post now, I've gone in three or four times, my apologies.

182

That's my new weight, isn't it exciting? That's 9 pounds lost now. I've also noticed that my ring, even when my finger is kind of sticky with the humidity, tends to slide around a little.

I thought, perhaps, that I hadn't lost at all because though it's still kind of easy to put on pants, it's not like I'm slipping right into them when they're fresh from the laundry. But I guess that could also be because I'm a little bloated.

But I was completely and utterly faithful to Weight Watchers. And that, I believe, is what did it.

I'm halfway through the Buff Brides routine. Week 6 is this week. I can't see any difference in my arms but I suppose if I want that, I should really wake up at 6am and go swimming again.

Which is not such a bad idea.

I overate. By 10.5 points, I overate.

Thank goodness for the bonus points but to me, that's not enough. I think that tomorrow, I will aim to eat only 19 out of 24 points and do it again on Sunday.

I can do 19. I've done 18 for a whole week.

I've been doing so well. I will reward myself tomorrow by going to the S'n'B that I've never been to ever before tomorrow at 3:30. It's at a cafe so I think I'll try their tea. But no more hot cocoas. That's ridiculous.

Well, as of last week Wednesday, I was 187. Today I'm 183.6. Not through stringent attempts to starve myself into misery but...well, I'm not sure what worked. Perhaps it was the walking or the one morning of Buff Brides workout. But whatever it was, I hope it KEEPS WORKING!!!

I haven't exercised yet this morning but I do have some exercise bands so I can work on my chesticular region.

I'm a little sleepy-eyed and slow-starting this morning. My lap-area is sore from last Wednesday but that should get better. After all, I could hold a squat for over 30 seconds in Tae Kwon Do, why not work up to that again? I could also kick someone's head at my 5'2" level but only if they were my height. Still!

I miss TKD.

I'm not so sure I want to weigh myself yet. I still haven't had a menses (TMI I know, but that's the facts of life for a woman, you can't close your eyes and pretend that such things don't happen. EVERYBODY POOPS.) and I feel like I'm somewhat bloated, perhaps. Getting into a fresh pair of jeans was just not as easy as it was once before. But I still don't have quadra-boob which I'm grateful for.

I was browsing the Weight Watchers website and realized that the Buff Brides section has workouts and everything. I realize I'm much closer to being 'buff' than being a bride but why not start as early as possible, eh?

The workouts are low-impact with decent enough stretches for beginners. I'm not a fan of lunges, squats, and such because my upper legs have been neglected for so long. The upper body workouts though aren't bad at all but I have pretty decent upper body strength.

Oh! I decided for certain what I want after my first hurdle, the 10 pound mark. Want to know what it is?

Zhena's Gypsy Tea in Red Lavender. I got a tin once before from a friend and it was definitely the best tea I have ever had. It's herbal rooibos with lavender and it tastes a little ginger-ish and it's definitely a perky tea. I just don't know if I want to get 100 tea bags or get the 1 lb loose tea. Ah, decisions.

Speaking of teas, I had won the Happily Handmade Giveaway and my favorite thing in there was a large packet of loose Choco Lotta Vanilla Tisane from SBS teas. It's as sweet as it sounds and it takes the edge off my voracious sweets monster that I get after dinner.

Well, I'm going to drag some weights up from the basement along with my yoga mat so I'm better prepared to work out on Friday. Thursday is considered a "rest" day but since I skipped my walk yesterday, I'll walk on Thursday.

And Saturday I walk for babies, yay!

I'm baffled. I'm frustrated. And I'm honestly a bit depressed. I'm 187 today despite having about 18 points to eat out of 24. I'm now wondering if it's something else, like my terribly delayed Auntie Flo, maybe I'm retaining water, maybe it's related to the GI upset I had yesterday. I'm not sure but I'm done weighing myself daily. It's upsetting.

Ah well, I'm going to be very careful today.

Still 186.4, though the scale wavered a little. I'm caught up in frustration as I consider all I did yesterday. My list of food was small:
Breakfast
oatmeal made with half a cup of milk.

Lunch
1 slice of homemade bread with 3 thin slices of salami
1 apple

Afternoon snack
Half a serving of M&Ms
One 100 calorie pack of Ritz crackers

Dinner
1 slice of bread with 1/4 cup of egg salad (mom had made chicken enchiladas but the cilantro in it was so overwhelming I just couldn't eat it)
1 large Fuji apple

I think I'm going to aim to avoid the M&Ms today. I'm also not going to walk because I'm feeling crampy. I may not walk with Daisy as well today since she hurt her paw and won't want to go far if she's limping like a hunchback.

Currently 186.4, thinking most of that is water because I was 1 point short of the daily recommended 24. That or they're too generous with their points. I will try to shoot for 18 points today (6 per meal or so). Mom's making a Pepper soup from her diabetic cookbook and it sounds very low in points.

I also discovered that cilantro is very unpleasant and unwisely chose an orange Cadbury cream egg to get the taste out of my mouth. Each egg is 4 points. Ugh.

I was feeling good about only gaining a little over a pound until I looked at my curve chart. I've been hovering badly, not losing much at all. It's disappointing and I only have myself to blame.

I am determined however. My goal is 184 by next Monday. I've already walked on the treadmill this morning and I've eaten a healthy bowl of oatmeal, I will lose this weight! Yah!

I also plan on weighing myself daily. I have to shove myself into obsessive mode if I am going to lose any of this weight. At least to get me started. If I can lose about 0.3 pounds a day, I'll make it so here's to being a little obsessive, huzzah!

And I'm putting these Ferrero Rocher in the freezer and I'll treat myself to one if I make it to 184 on Monday.

I should mention some other observations of weight loss other than what just the scale tells me.

1. Monday, I put on a pair of freshly washed jeans. There was still a tightness but there was no sincere struggle and no discomfort sitting in them. I didn't have to unbutton them just to feel like I could breathe and that was extremely exciting.

2. I have lost the double breast. Y'know that flabby area that isn't contained by the bra, particularly if the bra is too small? Yeah, I have two boobs again, not four.

3. I'm debating on either buying a copy of Merlin on DVD or a copy of Twelfth Night on DVD when I hit 181. Hmm, decisions, decisions. Either way, mom says she will spring for a new outfit for me when I lose the weight and that'll be awesome, a nice summer dress for church, some new shirts, perhaps. That would be exciting.

tomorrow I weigh in again!

Down another pound. I've decided I'm going to try to crack the habit of not logging my intake in 21 days, the scientifically determined amount of time that it takes to make a new habit. I wonder if it actually works and if I shouldn't try to do that in other areas of my life like with scripture reading, getting up early, etc. But, y'know, one step at a time.

So, if I keep going down about 3 pounds a week--which is what I seem to be able to manage--I'll lose about 54 pounds by the time Don is home. 185-54 = 131 pounds. That'd be awesome, I wonder if I could do it. Y'know what? Black belt attitude. I will do it!

But no sense in being greedy, I am happy with any weight loss I have. It's a step closer to being healthy, being more energetic, being more lovely (not that I'm not lovely now, just a lot more lumpy than I'd like to be).

Here's to keeping it up!

When I got back from Utah, I was 188.4. I'm now 186.2 thanks to a lot of sweetened tea and possibly a bout of diarrhea stemming from salt water taffy and Good'n'Plentys. I am pretty sick of them, too. But at least I've lost weight.

I have been pondering the state of hunger. My body is better at knowing when it needs to eat than my head. I look at the clock and think "Well, it's noon, maybe it's lunch time" and I'm not hungry at all. So instead, I feel like I should actually wait until I'm hungry to eat. And not so hungry that I start to hiccup and feel faint but hungry enough that I'll have appetite for a meal. I think that would really help.

As I remarked in someone else's LiveJournal, I find obesity to be somewhat like an illness. People may believe that they are happy the way they are, but I wonder if they lost some weight, felt their clothes grow loose, found that their skin looks brighter, realized that they have more energy if they would realize that they are perhaps in need of being healthier.

I haven't felt the effects yet of the weight loss but my pants fresh from the wash are not so hard to pull on anymore. That's a step, isn't it?

I want to be healthier. I want to push on longer and harder. I want energy. I want to look good. I don't have to turn anyone's head but my own but that'd be worth it. I'm a beautiful woman. I believe that. And I believe I deserve to be thinner and healthier.

187. I'm up a pound and a half from where I was on Monday. I have several reasons for this:

1. I haven't logged into WW since Sunday.
2. I got into a bag of Robin Eggs.
3. Someone brought dinner last night and I had 1.5 brownies and 2 dinner rolls on top of the pot roast, vegetables, and salad.

So while I'm off galavanting in Utah, I'm going to do the following:

1. Record in Weight Watchers as frequently as possible.
2. Bring only fruit and vegetables for the drive there and back.
3. Eat half portions of desserts/treats.

I won't have access to a scale until Monday the 26th so here's hoping it's not 189 again when I get back on it!

I've lost another pound since Thursday. Let me just note that Jimmy Johns is not really that great for you and it's REALLY not great on the second day. Soggy bread and soggy lettuce, bleah.

I'm now just a pound under what I was when I moved back home. When I left Utah, my diet was not so spectacular. I ate mostly what I made for myself and that wasn't at all gourmet. Frozen chicken and frozen vegetables (particularly squash, mmm, so good). Lots of bagels, I couldn't get enough bagels. Cream cheese. I would always splurge on those large bags of apples (Fuji!) and I would try to make myself eat one a day. When you're not really caring so much about yourself, you don't make sure to eat your proper amount of good food, you know? I ate out a bit, when I felt I could afford it.

Now that I'm home, I'd been eating what mom would cook. Her chemo is preventing her from cooking too much anymore and so it's back to the frozen chicken and vegetables for dinner but at least we have a bread-making machine which keeps me stocked up in mostly wheat bread (half whole wheat and half AP flour) and that is reasonable for lunch. Breakfast is and always was oatmeal. I love flavored oatmeal.

I'd been getting into the sweets a little after Thursday. Mom brought home a box of chocolate macadamia nuts (how do you spell that dang word?) and since chocolate tastes foul to her, I adopted them and have since eaten the whole thing, even if I was more attracted to its texture than its flavor (something WAS off about that chocolate, probably some odd dark chocolate flavor). But this week, I do intend on losing a bit more.

It's March 12. I should have lost 20 pounds by now. I should be 171 pounds by now. I'm not. But I've made up my mind, I will not play the would've-could've-should've game. I want to learn to love my body, to accept it as it is, to repent of my bad habits and to treat it with care and love instead of abuse and loathing.

It's been a long road and it's just barely started but I've lost 6 pounds and I'm happy with that.

As of Thursday, March 8, 2007.

What has been helping:
1. Assigning 6 points to a meal, giving me 18 points.

2. Not snacking, so those remaining 6 points are ignored.

3. Taking Daisy out for a small stroll every day for about 35 minutes.

I'm starting over. Here's me as I am today.

191.4 pounds.
43, 38, 47.

I look so old! And tired. I felt fine while taking the pictures but I have to admit, I shun the camera on a general basis. And clearly, this is why.

My goal is to lose 50 pounds by June 23. In other words, my birthday. That will be 2 pounds a week. I will be religious with using Weight Watchers and I will be rewarding myself with something new to watch while I treadmill for every 10 pounds I shed.

I will also be taking these pictures every first of the month. I can do this. I will do this. I don't want to be embarassed or old anymore.

Current Weight: 186.4

Boo! Suck! But that's because I have NOT been recording my intake properly and not been utilizing my Weight Watchers. This causes much snacking on no-bake cookies when they're 2 points each. Yeah, little guys but they're real bombs in calories and fat. I blame the peanut butter.

So, these are my goals this week:
1. Record ALL intake, keep track of points, and write them in here.
2. Plan out intake the day before, so I can guesstimate how much I'll be eating and have a plan of what to eat and not end up standing in the kitchen and allowing myself to be tempted badly by all the potential chunk food.
3. I will remain on 20 points a day and swimming daily.

And I hope next Sunday I can proudly proclaim that I've gone down to 184. Yes, almost a 2.5 pound drop. I wanna work for this! Plus, I'm knitting up Rogue again in the 39.5" bust size. I'm about 3 inches from that size, so I'm hoping I knit slowly enough that I've gone down that far by then.

Still planning on being 178 by October 8. I may almost make it if I can drop 2 pounds a week. I'm determined!

P.S. I look hawt with curly hair. Why have I denied my natural curls for so long? I hardly knew I had them! Woes!

Swimming

Mom and I got swim passes yesterday and this morning, at 6, we got up and headed to the Indoor Aquatic Center. The dawn was barely tinting to the east, a rosey blush of morning. I am not what you would call a morning person. I had some points to keep me from going:
-People will see how fat I am.
-It's cold outside.
-The water's cold.
-Etc.

Now I've got some counter points.
-Seeing that the rest of the swimmers were over the age of 55 and just as merrily plump, there's no need to fuss.
-Wear a freakin' sweater and a hat.
-If you jump in and just start swimming, you warm up dang fast.
-Shut up and just do it.

Mom and I got 26 laps in plus two (or was it four?) walking laps. Just to chat, you know because there's no chatting when there's half a lap between you and you're busy not getting chlorine water in your eyes, nose, and mouth.

This exercise was a real boost in my humor. I'm in a great mood and I look forward to swimming again with mom in the wee hours of the morning. It makes me appreciate this life, this body, this day that I am given.

P.S. Mom's an awesome swimmer and a real powerhouse.