Losing it in Utah now.

I entered the Gracie Gear Giveaway!

Check out Roni’s Weight Loss Blog for more information.

It has a pocket! For keys and iPods and phones! I want one, preshuss!

I should also mention that I had a bad WW meeting experience. Oh yes, they happen.

It had been two weeks since I had actually been in to go to WW. I thought "Well, I've been traveling and I'm sure I've gained but I need to see where I was so I could restart my weight loss. So I took my WW membership card and headed out to Provo. It took some finding, but I found it and headed in.

Well, first thing I noticed is that the Provo meeting area does not have a computer. I know that the computers are somewhat new, Lawrence didn't have one until last January or so and we all switched from paper to cards. I didn't think much of it until I handed in my card and got The Stink-Eye from the two ladies behind the counter.

"Your card is expired as of three days ago," the woman intoned.

"Well, the new one is in the mail somewhere but I'm not sure where since I just moved from Kansas," I said. "But I'm still a paying member."

"I'll look into it," the woman said, clearly suspecting me of trying to fraudulently lose weight, the nerve. And so they had me stand there for five minutes and I was already nervous because I was absolutely certain I had gained weight. You don't eat cinnamon buns and restaurant food for two weeks without severe consequences, y'know. And the entire time, I was getting nasty looks from the secretaries and the WW leader. At least, until I shifted and my Dragon Keychain flashed out and said hello (mine is gold with blue eyes).

"Is that a dragon?" the leader asked, clearly an exuberant dracophile.

"Yes, I got it when I lost 20 pounds," I said, holding out. Poor thing has been through the wash so the nose is crooked and the horns hide behind its head, but it is still somewhat recognizable.

"That's so cool!" the leader said. That broke the ice enough that the secretary managed to ever-so-graciously allow me to attend the WW meeting.

"But just this once," she said as she stamped my pamphlet. That's right, because I'm never coming back, dracophiles not withstanding. >:(

But I did lose 0.4 pounds, which is about 7.8 pounds LESS than I thought I was going to be when I stepped up on the scale. Heh. I don't mind that at all.

Hopefully I can find a friendlier WW meeting, though. *sigh* Otherwise I'm skipping the meetings from now on.

I went with mom to Macy's today to get a few more cold-weather clothes. My old long-sleeved, warm clothes were all far too big for me so I had to donate them all to Goodwill. But for all the messages my clothes were sending me, my bra size has not changed. I'm still a 36 DD in this Wacoal bra and I keep wondering, my word, am I going to have huge hooters forever? Have I really not slimmed down at all? And then those negative voices began shouting louder than the fact that I am on the verge of fitting into size 10 Lee jeans, that the jeans that once were so tight on me are now baggy, that I can feel my hips and ribs when I lay down to sleep at night. I thought "I'm still fat. I'm still ugly. All this hard work and I can't see it, I can't tell. Nothing's changed."

Then mom and I went into the petite section of Macy's. I picked out some medium-sized sweaters/long-sleeved shirts, still grousing, though now feeling the glow that I was no longer a Large and went to try them on.

To my surprise, two of the tops were, well, BIG! I was not a medium in these tops, I was a SMALL! Do you know when I was last a SMALL? 8 years ago, when I was literally wasting away because of my dying kidney. Unhealthy weight loss and it came back and the fat brought friends. This time, I'm losing weight with effort, hard work, and refined habits.

I need to stop the negative thinking. I need to realize that when I fall, I can always get back up. And I need to take joy in even the smallest of accomplishments.

I have signed up to stop Fat Talking. Will you?

You know, it's hard getting out of bed and going for a run. The morning is the best time for me to do it because it helps me get that start to the day but I am always so tired and easily defeated in the morning.

And I admitted to my best friend that I was 'stuck'. Not physically but mentally, I am stuck. I don't *think* I can run as far as I can. I don't mentally want to. I'm tired. I'm out of breath. I'm sweating like I'd just taken a dunk in a stinky pond. But then it's over and I'm not wobbly, I'm not very tired out, I'm fine and I can only shake my head. I am a silly goose.

Well, I guess next run I'm going to up the time a bit, put it all together, make myself push a bit longer and harder. And stop being such a goose about things!

I went running but it was a bit soon after my menses so I wound up only being able to run about 13 minutes out of 20 before I had to slow down as my thorax cramped up on both side. Oooof. But I figured it was still moving forward and that's the point of running.

I don't think I'm really cut out to be a runner. This won't stop me, but I don't think I'll win races or anything. I haven't even gone on a 5k run yet, though I intend on signing up for one soon, once I move to Utah. Probably one in the spring.

Anyways, other than the pain around the diaphragm and supporting muscles and subsequent wheezing, I feel pretty dang good. No c/o knee pain, ankle soreness r/t changing weather and air pressure relieved after a little running, no weakness or soreness.

Over and out.

I gained this week. I attribute it to:
1. Not journaling accurately and daily
2. Not exercising regularly.

So it's a small set-back but you know, you have to expect that not everything is going to go smoothly. Every little bit is a slip back. But you just can't let it get you down, you have to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep moving.

Watching the Olympics was motivational to say the least. I was especially moved by our Olympic female gymnasts. Shawn Johnson had indomitable spirit and I know she must have had moments of absolute heartache and fear, feelings of defeat and pain, but she moved on and look at her, she was phenomenal. And she did it with grace and humility.

It's not easy to run, you know. I couldn't keep up with Week 7 last week and had to let myself walk parts of the run to keep from throwing up or doing serious injury to myself, but that's okay. I am patient, I will keep running and I will do Week 7 over again this week.

Right! Goals!

- Journal accurately and daily this week!
- Ignore that scale! It's not helpful.
- Focus on more Core-based eating! Mom has a huge container of left-over fruit medley from a picnic, that should really help a lot with getting my fruits and veggies in!

How about everyone else? Anyone have some good suggestions or thoughts about weight loss?

I did really well again this week. I am going on Week 3 of ignoring the urge to weigh myself every single morning and night. I did take a little peek on Wednesday and was so thrilled that I think I did a bit of damage, justifying a little overeating. Oops! But it was another 1.6 pounds and that was awesome! Another 1.6 pounds and I'm right at the very middle of my weightloss journey. How far I've come! I'm very excited.

However, this weekend has not been so great. I've wasted my points on garbage and have nothing to eat when I'm actually hungry! I'm thinking I would love to do Core, but it's not the right time, nor do I have the money for it.

Anyways, this week I'm going to ignore the urge to scale watch again. I'm going to also make it a point to eat a yogurt before I run and I want to make it a point to know the Point amount of all the food I eat BEFORE I eat it. Fewer surprises mean better weight management.

That's all, signing off now. :)

Well, avoiding the scale and working hard seems to have paid off, I lost 1.6 pounds according to the Weight Watcher scale. :D That definitely felt good. So do the muscular legs I'm gaining, watch out now!

One thing I have realized is that I ought to eat something light before I go running. I may not be running intensely but I still need to have something. I have those Weight Watcher yogurts and I think I'll start eating one of those a half hour before I get on the treadmill to make sure that I am not flipping into starvation mode. That would suck.

Blog ya later.

Well, my weight is bouncing about a little and I think the source of the problem is The Scale.

When it comes to The Scale, I would ordinarily weigh myself in the morning. Then it would be before and after I ran. And then I started weighing myself at night too. Are we seeing a trend? Are we seeing an unhealthy trend? So, guess what would happen.

When the scale was low, I would be happy. When I'm happy, I have fewer constraints. Fewer constraints lead to eating more. Then I would weigh myself again in the morning and ew, my weight had gone up! I'd be sad. I'd tighten control. I'd work out more. I'd weigh myself and go "Oh hey, it's gone down again, woohoo!".

But! I managed to recognize this as an unhealthy habit to get into. So last week at Weight Watchers, I grabbed their paper QuikTrak System. The eTools are fantastic but I can't see what I'm doing *wrong* since I haven't figured out how to use their Notes system or go back to previous weeks! With the paper system, I can go back easily. So I watched everything, tracked it all, felt down about my bad habits and realized that it's possible to turn around.

This week I resolved to keep that scale in the cabinet, to watch my Points, and to practice Smarter Eating. I can't say how well it's worked yet but I'll know by Saturday. And if I've gone up, well, then I've gone up and I'll try even better next week. But I think I'm actually doing a lot better than I did last week.

I've also moved past Week 4 of Podrunner Intervals and yesterday I ran 3 five-minute segments. It wasn't as hard as I anticipated! I still don't like running on the treadmill but I find that if I ignore the timer and focus on the little light-indicated 'track', I am less apt to whine inwardly about how long I've run and when I should stop. I guess I need distance-based goals rather than timer-based goals to run towards. :) I can't wait till I move to Utah where it's cooler and drier in the mornings and when I sweat, I actually cool off.

I did actually hit my 10% weight loss goal at Weight Watchers recently. I have the keychain now. And the 16-week goal. And the little shoe charm that indicated that I hit the Activity Goal. Go me! Next one up is the Lifetime goal. That might take a year or two, but that's alright. I read of one woman losing her weight over the course of 6 and a half years. It was at a rate of a half-pound a week, just like me, but she made it! I'll make it, too!

Because I don't think everyone followed me over to the Blog To Lose site, I'll just double post here. I don't mind, really.

It's been a while since I've posted about my weight loss. Frankly, it's because I kind of didn't lose any weight at all. Between my birthday and the fourth, I went up about 2.4 pounds from my 10%. With some real effort, I lost 1.8 of that, so now it's getting over having a period and all *that* joy it brings and trying to eat careful.

I wonder what every other girl does when on her period. My personal cravings end up going all over the place and I just can't seem to stop grazing.

I also can't exercise because I have No Energy. In fact, it can get bad enough that I can't brain at all. I've made mistakes at work because I just can't think as quickly as usual.

What do you ladies do when it's that time of the month and you have no energy or motivation? How do you eat? How do you exercise?

I just signed up for an account over at Blog-To-Lose. I think I'll start keeping up over there, I like the community feel of it all and the ability to chat and keep up with forums. Feel free to join me!


View my page on Blog to Lose

I just ran 20 minutes in a row. No foolin'. And as I started, a hawk flew overhead. Well, I think it was a hawk. I'll call it a hawk. Anyways, I took it as a good omen (I may be Scottish/Dutch/Mutt but I can adopt a few Native American beliefs if they suit me) and began running. It...was hard. I started feeling like I wasn't going to make it by the time I think I hit about 15 minutes. At least it took that long to get exhausted. But I gave a little prayer for endurance, for another wind, for the ability to reach beyond myself and as I turned the curve on Tallgrass Dr., I saw the end of the street and thought "That's gotta be 20 minutes. I can run until there. And if it's beyond that, it's downhill, that will help." Fortunately, my run (determined by the Podrunner Intervals) finished before I got to the end of the street.

I have not run like that since Junior High School. And possibly not even then because I was an ornery little thing and you couldn't make me run for long if I didn't wanna. I think I just ran a mile and a half without stopping and I KNOW I've never run that far. I am so very excited!

I'm also so very exhausted. I had to take a nap, but it was only for 15 minutes and that was just right.

Tomorrow's the weigh-in. I still don't think I lost anything but I AM getting some tremendous thighs. I can tell. My thighs never felt so filled out before!

Anyways, I thought I'd leave you with a screengrab of my running route ala Google Pedometer. It's soon going to have to change, seeing as how I'm outrunning the length!

Today I ran for 8 minutes. Twice. To think that just over a month ago, I couldn't run 60 seconds without aching the day after.

As I ran, I was amazed, even moved to tears that my body has given all I have asked and willingly. The voice inside that has complained about being tired, cold, hot, sore, etc has stopped talking. Honestly, I feel so good.

Friday I run 20 minutes in a row and I am excited to do it. I am sure I can do it. Not that I run fast, I do an old man's shuffle to be honest but as I get stronger, I'll be able to really run fast and far.

My thighs are growing really hard, though. The flab is slipping off. It's so amazing how well my body is responding, forgiving me of past sins. Some day I'll be...everything.

Phew, another tough day of running but you know, 20 minutes of jogging = 3 points? Awesome! I can get that with 45 minutes of walking, too. But hey, jogging is quicker!

So Roni had another Food For Thought:

Do you think visualizing weight loss is important and if so, how do you do it?

Well, what has helped keep me jogging when I would rather just quit and walk instead (though I will quit jogging to make the big black lab keep looking for home and not for a small blond girl to chomp on becuz she's running which equals prey) is visualizing the bad food falling off of me. All those Junior Mints I ate while watching The Forbidden Kingdom yesterday? It all just fell off of me while I ran, or so I visualized, and it helped me feel lighter or at least I pretended that it did. Too much spaghetti? That also fell off. Pizza? That Fufu berry Jones Soda? Splashing on the concrete. It really helped motivate me.

But that's not quite what Roni was aiming for. She mentioned that she actually put up a little virtual model of her weightloss goal in the sidebar of her blog way back in the beginning. And I have to admit, I like playing with the Virtual Model. Especially the "That's where I was, here's where I am, there's where I'm going" part. But it seems to be somewhat broken so I'll post my then, now, soon models when I get the Virtual Model to work.

But speaking of Then, I found some old CDs with pictures in them from LPN school. Whoooh! Chubbo Kit! And the things I wore! Big tunics that came down to my knees, that doesn't make me look any better/taller. Yuck. I'm glad I threw those out.

Ah, it worked.


So, there's the goal. I was there before when my kidney went out and this time I'll do it by eating right, staying healthy, and keeping up with myself.

Did I mention that I love to exercise? For real? I really do.

Podrunner Intervals - Week 4 and I ran it! I did not let Lazy Brat even say a word. No "I'm tired" "I can't find my sunglasses" "It's bright out" or anything else. It was me and Skinny Babe running.

"It's nice and cool outside, isn't it?"
"Look how green everything is!"
"You just ran FIVE MINUTES STRAIGHT, HOW COOL IS THAT!?"

And just to show you how it went:
BPM CHART:
5-minute warmup @ 129 bpm
3 minutes @ 140 bpm
90 seconds @ 130 bpm
5 minutes @ 140 bpm
2 minutes 30 seconds @ 130 bpm
3 minutes @ 140 bpm
90 seconds @ 130 bpm
5 minutes @ 140 bpm
Two minute cooldown @ 130 bpm

At the end, my legs were just moving like heavy pendulums and I wanted to walk so bad but I didn't. I think I deserve some fun time downtown for doing this.

As for my weight, well, um, it's kind of been fluctuating like crazy. I was 165.2 at Weight Watchers but the next day I was 163.4 on my home scale which is always about 0.5 pounds off from the WW scales so, well, it's coming off one way or another.

And because I can't think of much else to post, I'll just give you Michael Nelson AS Lord of the Dance!

It struck me after my Podrunner today, as I was washing my very red face, that I wasn't wheezing. What? No wheezing, no coughing for a few hours until my lungs cleared, no rolling my eyes at myself? Nope. I am clear. And I am incredibly grateful for that. I feel like I've won back some freedom, freedom from my own bad habits and abuse to my body. One less shackle. It may have been the fact that I attempted to eat a little yogurt before I went out so I'd have some protein to work with but I still think this is a bit of a miracle.

I took a less hilly route. Up to the new development, around the loop, down Stockade St. to Trail, across Monterey Way to Sharon Dr, across Stetson, around the loop there and back home, which is a full 2 miles and then some and I ran out of Podrunner at about 1.7 miles but that's alright. I managed to push through every running set, which are now 90 seconds long instead of 60 (oh yeah, laugh, but this little pony doesn't prance a whole lot). I saw all sorts of awesome things:

- A large, fat squirrel who was vaguely bemused and quite sure of himself, knowing he could easily out run me if I even thought to chase him.

- A Chevy truck that I think was made in the 1940s. No, seriously, a restored Chevy truck that works quite well. I think they have a parade of restored old cars because it's not the only vehicle I've seen here that looks like it's straight out of a Buster Keaton film.

- A wooden tombstone leaning against a tree inscribed with the following words: "Here lies the last dog that pooped in our yard!" (*snerk*)

- And the whole world it seems paused at the very precipice of blooming spring, like a dancer waiting for her cue. I think when I go running again on Wednesday, I'll be running among a confetti of blossoms.

You know, it was hard to get out and go today. I wanted to stay home, take a bath, do some reading, watch TV. And even as I was out, a small part of me was whining, "I'm tired. My left hip hurts. My knee wants to hurt. It's bright outside. It's going to be so hot on Wednesday. Running is hard, let's keep walking. Let's take the short way home," and so on, ad nauseum. But then there was an even smaller part of me going "Man, I lost 2.2 pounds last week. I even got a hug from my WW teacher! And it's so nice outside. I'm glad it's 47 degrees out, the air's so crisp and look how green everything is. And I feel so very good! And maybe I should take up Tae Kwon Do again, it would be a lot easier this time around."

It's a struggle. I find I hate and love running for all the above reasons. But I am on the path of forgiving myself for all the years of abuse I've put my body through. I'm rewarding myself with good health and a long life. And I am growing.

Last night I decided that the cold would not stop me from getting that last day of Podrunner Intervals Week 1 done. I headed into the basement, put on a tv show and got on the old treadmill. Let me tell you, walking and jogging on a treadmill is far more treacherous than walking and jogging out of doors. I kept having to grab onto the bar when switching to keep from tripping. And then I had to keep shifting the speed of the treadmill. But on the other hand, I wasn't freezing, I didn't run up hills, and at the meeting this morning, I had dropped 2.2 pounds. Awesome!

I'm so keeping this up, though. And next week it will be warmer. I hope.

I didn't realize on Monday with Podrunner: Intervals that one is supposed to alternately walk and jog! I am not a runner but DJ Steve does not make you run hard or long, it's more of a prance. But me being the wheezy person I am, I had to walk through one and a half jog-sessions. A half hour later, I'm still coughing and wheezing but I think that'll improve once allergy season passes. But I feel so very AMAZING! No wonder runners get addicted, this is definitely a most marvelous high. And somehow it boosted my spiritual closeness too.

So I am keeping it up. Perhaps this Prancing Pony can prance all the way through a 5k!

I was so incredibly bad this weekend. No point counting and so much garbage in. And when I fill myself with garbage, that's how I feel. Like garbage. Uuugh. I'm sure I'm not alone and even Roni covered the same sort of feeling. When you eat poorly, you feel poorly. It's so much easier to say 'no' to bad food when you're on a high, like it's harder to diss yourself when you're feeling good.

So today is a new start. For one, I started Podrunner Intervals. I'm on Day 1 of Week 1 and it was really a lot of fun. It progressively gets faster but it goes up and down so that you're only going REALLY FAST for a little bit.

Tomorrow, I do some muscle toning exercises. If you use it, you lose it. ;)

I have been very slacking in tracking my points and that means that I'm stuck. My sick-weight-loss all came back, which is fine by me, honestly. I knew it was all water and as soon as I could drink my 2-liter-a-day quota, it would all come back. But I guess I'm still somewhat discouraged because I honestly did not bother with points much this week.

In what seems an unrelated series of events, I smashed my iPod in my car (just the top part so the screen is 90% broken but will still flicker a little bit of info if I can find the right part to push, like a tense muscle). And days before that incident, my desktop with all my music and podcasts blue-screened without any hope of return despite what my mother and brother can really do.

So I'm enduring well enough but I had to resubscribe to various podcasts on my laptop (yes, I realize I'm a big spoiled brat, get over it) and realized that Podrunner had something that came out in January (shows how well I pay attention). It's called Podrunner Intervals. It's a program to take people off the couch and on their way to 5k. Each podcast is 20 minutes and goes through a series of speeds and encourages running.

I hate running. I have always hated running but there's something I have learned in my age, sometimes the things you hate can become things you like, perhaps even run. And if other people can do it, so can I. In fact, the one runner I really look up to is my sister. She's had three children and still runs like a gazelle out on the Sahara (that's where one finds them, right?). If she can do it, so can I. Perhaps as I lose weight, I can also lose this asthma that I have found to have. It's just a touch, not anything that needs medicating. It came out during Tae Kwon Do and it was hard to breathe when I had to run, but I knew how to power through it and I knew when to stop just a bit to keep going.

The weather is improving, let's go!

I was sick yesterday. Really sick. Ever hear of the term "butt-pee"? I know, really really crude but that's what I had. I was so incredibly ill that I had to call off work and then slept in between dashes to the bathroom. I would have taken a pill or three if I could have found them but Dad had the same thing last weekend and took his pills with him. Guh!

Eventually I talked with mom and she guided me to pills and that's when I turned around. But I hardly ate anything at all other than a glass of ginger ale to give me some energy because I was so weak that standing up caused my vision to cloud with brilliant dark stars. Ooof!

Anyways, I lost 3.4 pounds to the porcelain god. All that liquid, I'll be drinking my two liters and then some today, that's for sure. But I'm feeling better! I woke up all hot and clammy which usually means that my fever has broken. Thank goodness. I'm still shaky but I'll have to hurry up and feel better because I have to work tonight. I'll be sure to tell my boss what I lost, though. Just so he knows I really wasn't faking when I called in yesterday. *sigh*

If only it wasn't mom's birthday today and I had lots planned. Stupid work.