When I got back from Utah, I was 188.4. I'm now 186.2 thanks to a lot of sweetened tea and possibly a bout of diarrhea stemming from salt water taffy and Good'n'Plentys. I am pretty sick of them, too. But at least I've lost weight.
I have been pondering the state of hunger. My body is better at knowing when it needs to eat than my head. I look at the clock and think "Well, it's noon, maybe it's lunch time" and I'm not hungry at all. So instead, I feel like I should actually wait until I'm hungry to eat. And not so hungry that I start to hiccup and feel faint but hungry enough that I'll have appetite for a meal. I think that would really help.
As I remarked in someone else's LiveJournal, I find obesity to be somewhat like an illness. People may believe that they are happy the way they are, but I wonder if they lost some weight, felt their clothes grow loose, found that their skin looks brighter, realized that they have more energy if they would realize that they are perhaps in need of being healthier.
I haven't felt the effects yet of the weight loss but my pants fresh from the wash are not so hard to pull on anymore. That's a step, isn't it?
I want to be healthier. I want to push on longer and harder. I want energy. I want to look good. I don't have to turn anyone's head but my own but that'd be worth it. I'm a beautiful woman. I believe that. And I believe I deserve to be thinner and healthier.
187. I'm up a pound and a half from where I was on Monday. I have several reasons for this:
1. I haven't logged into WW since Sunday.
2. I got into a bag of Robin Eggs.
3. Someone brought dinner last night and I had 1.5 brownies and 2 dinner rolls on top of the pot roast, vegetables, and salad.
So while I'm off galavanting in Utah, I'm going to do the following:
1. Record in Weight Watchers as frequently as possible.
2. Bring only fruit and vegetables for the drive there and back.
3. Eat half portions of desserts/treats.
I won't have access to a scale until Monday the 26th so here's hoping it's not 189 again when I get back on it!
I've lost another pound since Thursday. Let me just note that Jimmy Johns is not really that great for you and it's REALLY not great on the second day. Soggy bread and soggy lettuce, bleah.
I'm now just a pound under what I was when I moved back home. When I left Utah, my diet was not so spectacular. I ate mostly what I made for myself and that wasn't at all gourmet. Frozen chicken and frozen vegetables (particularly squash, mmm, so good). Lots of bagels, I couldn't get enough bagels. Cream cheese. I would always splurge on those large bags of apples (Fuji!) and I would try to make myself eat one a day. When you're not really caring so much about yourself, you don't make sure to eat your proper amount of good food, you know? I ate out a bit, when I felt I could afford it.
Now that I'm home, I'd been eating what mom would cook. Her chemo is preventing her from cooking too much anymore and so it's back to the frozen chicken and vegetables for dinner but at least we have a bread-making machine which keeps me stocked up in mostly wheat bread (half whole wheat and half AP flour) and that is reasonable for lunch. Breakfast is and always was oatmeal. I love flavored oatmeal.
I'd been getting into the sweets a little after Thursday. Mom brought home a box of chocolate macadamia nuts (how do you spell that dang word?) and since chocolate tastes foul to her, I adopted them and have since eaten the whole thing, even if I was more attracted to its texture than its flavor (something WAS off about that chocolate, probably some odd dark chocolate flavor). But this week, I do intend on losing a bit more.
It's March 12. I should have lost 20 pounds by now. I should be 171 pounds by now. I'm not. But I've made up my mind, I will not play the would've-could've-should've game. I want to learn to love my body, to accept it as it is, to repent of my bad habits and to treat it with care and love instead of abuse and loathing.
It's been a long road and it's just barely started but I've lost 6 pounds and I'm happy with that.