Monday, March 12, 2007

I've lost another pound since Thursday. Let me just note that Jimmy Johns is not really that great for you and it's REALLY not great on the second day. Soggy bread and soggy lettuce, bleah.

I'm now just a pound under what I was when I moved back home. When I left Utah, my diet was not so spectacular. I ate mostly what I made for myself and that wasn't at all gourmet. Frozen chicken and frozen vegetables (particularly squash, mmm, so good). Lots of bagels, I couldn't get enough bagels. Cream cheese. I would always splurge on those large bags of apples (Fuji!) and I would try to make myself eat one a day. When you're not really caring so much about yourself, you don't make sure to eat your proper amount of good food, you know? I ate out a bit, when I felt I could afford it.

Now that I'm home, I'd been eating what mom would cook. Her chemo is preventing her from cooking too much anymore and so it's back to the frozen chicken and vegetables for dinner but at least we have a bread-making machine which keeps me stocked up in mostly wheat bread (half whole wheat and half AP flour) and that is reasonable for lunch. Breakfast is and always was oatmeal. I love flavored oatmeal.

I'd been getting into the sweets a little after Thursday. Mom brought home a box of chocolate macadamia nuts (how do you spell that dang word?) and since chocolate tastes foul to her, I adopted them and have since eaten the whole thing, even if I was more attracted to its texture than its flavor (something WAS off about that chocolate, probably some odd dark chocolate flavor). But this week, I do intend on losing a bit more.

It's March 12. I should have lost 20 pounds by now. I should be 171 pounds by now. I'm not. But I've made up my mind, I will not play the would've-could've-should've game. I want to learn to love my body, to accept it as it is, to repent of my bad habits and to treat it with care and love instead of abuse and loathing.

It's been a long road and it's just barely started but I've lost 6 pounds and I'm happy with that.