Losing it in Utah now.

I entered the Gracie Gear Giveaway!

Check out Roni’s Weight Loss Blog for more information.

It has a pocket! For keys and iPods and phones! I want one, preshuss!

I should also mention that I had a bad WW meeting experience. Oh yes, they happen.

It had been two weeks since I had actually been in to go to WW. I thought "Well, I've been traveling and I'm sure I've gained but I need to see where I was so I could restart my weight loss. So I took my WW membership card and headed out to Provo. It took some finding, but I found it and headed in.

Well, first thing I noticed is that the Provo meeting area does not have a computer. I know that the computers are somewhat new, Lawrence didn't have one until last January or so and we all switched from paper to cards. I didn't think much of it until I handed in my card and got The Stink-Eye from the two ladies behind the counter.

"Your card is expired as of three days ago," the woman intoned.

"Well, the new one is in the mail somewhere but I'm not sure where since I just moved from Kansas," I said. "But I'm still a paying member."

"I'll look into it," the woman said, clearly suspecting me of trying to fraudulently lose weight, the nerve. And so they had me stand there for five minutes and I was already nervous because I was absolutely certain I had gained weight. You don't eat cinnamon buns and restaurant food for two weeks without severe consequences, y'know. And the entire time, I was getting nasty looks from the secretaries and the WW leader. At least, until I shifted and my Dragon Keychain flashed out and said hello (mine is gold with blue eyes).

"Is that a dragon?" the leader asked, clearly an exuberant dracophile.

"Yes, I got it when I lost 20 pounds," I said, holding out. Poor thing has been through the wash so the nose is crooked and the horns hide behind its head, but it is still somewhat recognizable.

"That's so cool!" the leader said. That broke the ice enough that the secretary managed to ever-so-graciously allow me to attend the WW meeting.

"But just this once," she said as she stamped my pamphlet. That's right, because I'm never coming back, dracophiles not withstanding. >:(

But I did lose 0.4 pounds, which is about 7.8 pounds LESS than I thought I was going to be when I stepped up on the scale. Heh. I don't mind that at all.

Hopefully I can find a friendlier WW meeting, though. *sigh* Otherwise I'm skipping the meetings from now on.

I went with mom to Macy's today to get a few more cold-weather clothes. My old long-sleeved, warm clothes were all far too big for me so I had to donate them all to Goodwill. But for all the messages my clothes were sending me, my bra size has not changed. I'm still a 36 DD in this Wacoal bra and I keep wondering, my word, am I going to have huge hooters forever? Have I really not slimmed down at all? And then those negative voices began shouting louder than the fact that I am on the verge of fitting into size 10 Lee jeans, that the jeans that once were so tight on me are now baggy, that I can feel my hips and ribs when I lay down to sleep at night. I thought "I'm still fat. I'm still ugly. All this hard work and I can't see it, I can't tell. Nothing's changed."

Then mom and I went into the petite section of Macy's. I picked out some medium-sized sweaters/long-sleeved shirts, still grousing, though now feeling the glow that I was no longer a Large and went to try them on.

To my surprise, two of the tops were, well, BIG! I was not a medium in these tops, I was a SMALL! Do you know when I was last a SMALL? 8 years ago, when I was literally wasting away because of my dying kidney. Unhealthy weight loss and it came back and the fat brought friends. This time, I'm losing weight with effort, hard work, and refined habits.

I need to stop the negative thinking. I need to realize that when I fall, I can always get back up. And I need to take joy in even the smallest of accomplishments.

I have signed up to stop Fat Talking. Will you?