Losing it in Utah now.

As of last Monday, I have gained 0.8 pounds. It's not so terrible but if I want to be of a healthy weight and size by the time I'm 30, I need to do better than that.

And I have been. I walked on the treadmill Monday and today. The worst of my menses was yesterday so I took it easy. When there's little blood flowing, you don't want to overtax yourself.

This whole weight loss has really emphasized the fact that this is NOT about how I look. Being 'thin' is a bonus but this is about Recovery. I feel like I am actually getting over being very ill. And I know what it's like to be very ill. I am feeling better, I'm sure my kidney thanks me for all of this and I have more energy. My latest menses has not knocked me over like it normally does. Walking 3 mph on my treadmill is getting to be too slow for me. I've been really focusing on eating carefully. I feel a lot more sharp for doing this, a little less sleepy and a little more aware.

You know, I saw the video of the girl who was obese talking about how she was going to take a stand, she would not lose weight, ever, because she resented all those thin skeletons walking around and I am sad for her. Losing weight to 'look good' is awful, but gaining or remaining obese to 'show them' is just as bad. We are not designed to be over or underweight. Too underweight and our bones become brittle, they need the resistance that comes with healthy weight on them. Too overweight and we really tax our internal organs. There has to be a middle ground! For someone as small as I am but for my weight, I am doing no favors for my liver, my heart, my kidney. Instead, I am violating my warranty.

Life is beautiful. There are wonderful people out there to meet, amazing things I still want to see. And now I'm giving myself the chance to experience this.