Losing it in Utah now.

I dropped by for a meeting today rather than the usual Saturday because I'll be taking my Clinicals then.

I've not been counting my points or even exercising, all caught up in this Exam of all Exams but somehow I managed to actually break through my plateau. Maybe that's all a body needs sometimes, just a little break from stressing about weight and worrying about something else.

Or maybe I'm just crazy.

Ah well, 5 more pounds till I hit that 10%!

I haven't updated much, haven't really considered reporting my intake because it's kind of embarrassing but then I read Roni's Weight Watchen Question of the Week and I had to ask myself that question.

You know, I've gone through my life wearing all different shapes, mostly pear-ish ones. I've been super thin and I've been obese but there are a few things I have always loved.

1. I love my hair. Always have. From back when it was thick and coarse and wild and I used to put a chemical stripper in it because the meds just built up in it like crazy to now where it's thin, silky, prone to curl, and kept on the shortish side of medium length because I no longer can stand it down to my hips. I have dyed it a few times but ever since my scalp exploded in a massive bad reaction, I've kept it undyed. In the winter it goes kind of honey-dark and in the summer, it's kind of a dirty blond.

2. My feet. I find them to be the one feature that doesn't change whether I'm obese or thin. And they're sweet and small and have kind of cute freckles (or moles) on the right foot, lateral side.

3. My eyes, which are a grey-blue when I don't put my contacts in. They're a little more blue with the contacts because the contacts are tinted in case I drop them (and I have). They show up well enough on white tile. They're also large. I have the wild eyes of my father's side of the family, those huge expressive eyes that could possibly look mad if I really tried.

That's it for now. The rest of me I'm getting along with so far.

You know, I've been stuck without being able to get lower for some time now. It's, of course, frustrating but then my WW email came in today. And there was a little article that kind of opened my eyes and, well, made me blush because I SO do this...

I don't count Saturdays or Sundays on my Points plan. I eat like a horse and I just kind of shrug and figure that I'll start really working it out during the week. I indulge in a Twilight Zone.

The twilight zone is a time during which a member chooses not to count their POINTS values or eat Core foods, and instead indulges with reckless abandon in foods that they otherwise might carefully portion control. Sometimes the vacation from counting POINTS values is not just between weigh-in and the next morning, but extends to certain holidays, holy days, and full-moon nights.

And this past weekend, boy did I go to town. Cherry Cordial Kisses were on sale and I didn't demolish the WHOLE bag but I'll admit, there's not much left. *twitch* I feel a little like an alcoholic waking up with a hangover, though. What did I just do to myself? Why?

Fortunately, this body is forgiving. I'll just have to suck it up and re-learn the old lessons.

There's not an overnight cure, but attending meetings, watching my emotional responses and focusing on my true goals have made them happen less and less frequently. I try to remind myself: "If I always do what I always did, I will always get what I always got.

Now to close that pantry door. Bothersome thing.

Well, clearly this attempt to eat more Core helped last week. So did documenting publicly everything I ate. I felt an obligation to eat better because I was just embarrassed to share my 'bad food'.

This weekend I abandoned recording and I was just naughty. So back to healing and making up for naughtiness this week. I can go down another pound!

So, my eating for today:

Time	Food	Points	What's Left
Morning	Oatmeal w/ water (ick)	3 points	21 points
Noon	1 can tuna with water 2 tbs fat-free mayo 1 cup celery 5 tortilla chips	4 points 0.5 points 0 points 1.5 points	15 points
Evening	1 cup chili con-carne	6 points	9 points
Anytime	3 small cookies 1 cup celery 1 tbs french onion dip 1 apple 1 cup brewed herbal tea 0.5 tbs sugar	5 points 0 points 0.5 points 1 point 0 points 1 point	1.5 points

I've been focusing more on Core food. Lean ham, lots of fruits, veggies and fiber! Yeee-haw, fiber! But it hasn't been totally successful. Still, I'm making an effort and I think there's a bit of a difference made, certainly in the, uh, end. *ahem*
Yesterday:

Time	Food	Points	What's Left
Morning	Oatmeal w/ Silk	4 points	20 points
Noon	1 cup pineapple Progresso Soup Light 1 small apple	1 point 0 points 1 point	18 points
Evening	1 cup whole wheat spaghetti 1/2 cup spaghetti sauce	3 points 2 points	13 points
Anytime	1 KitKat bar 1 1/2 cups carrots 1 tbs french onion dip 1/2 oz pine nuts 1 cup sour pickles	5 points 1 points 0.5 points 2 points 0 points	4.5 points
Activities	Weight lifting	2 points	+ 2 points

And today (kind of went rogue):

Time	Food	Points	What's Left
Morning	Oatmeal w/ Silk	4 points	20 points
Noon	2 slices cheese pizza 2 cups carrots 2 tbs french onion dip	7.5 points 1.5 points 1 points	10 points
Evening	1 slice high-fiber bread 1 tbs liver pate	1 point 2 point	7 points
Anytime	1 oz bbq chips 1 cup herbal tea 1 tbs sugar 1 cup pineapple 1/2 svg cheese puffs	3 points 0 points 1 point 1 point 3 points	0 points
Activity	Treadmill for 45 minutes	3 points	+3 points

Be careful, those cashews are serious business:
(embedded movie here)

Here's what I ate today:

Time	Food	Points	What's Left
Morning	Oatmeal w/ Silk	4 points	20 points
Noon	2 Slices Homemade Bread 2 tbs Liver Pate 1 Hungry Girl's Brownies	2.5 points 3.5 points 2 points	12 points
Evening	14 cashews 2 cocktail smokies 1 donut hole 1 serving Progresso Light Soup	4 points 1.5 points 1.5 points 0 points	5 points
Anytime	2 mini Kit Kat bars Weight Watchers yogurt	3.5 points 1 points	0.5 points

I did a lot of walking, too, so I don't know if that counts or not. I need to invest in a pedometer of some sort.

Ellen tries out the Hawaii Chair:


Personally, I'm all for the usual treadmill. I'm too clumsy to sit in a dang chair. And sometimes even the treadmill is treacherous.

Today's feeding:

Time	Food	Points	What's Left
Morning	Oatmeal w/ Silk	4 points	20 points
Noon	1 Slice Homemade Bread 1 tbs Liver Pate 100-calorie Nabisco cookies 1 apple	1 points 2 points 2 points 1 point	14 points
Evening	3 oz cooked roast beef 1/2 tbsp gravy 1/2 serving boiled potatoes 2 cups herbal tea 2 tsp sugar	5 points 0.5 points 1 point 0 points 1 point	6.5 points
Anytime	2 Hungry Girl's Brownies BBQ chips - 1 oz 3 mini Kit Kat bars Weight Watchers yogurt	2 points 2 points 3.5 points 1 point	- 2 points
Activities	Treadmill - 50 minutes Strength training - 30 minutes Leisurely Walk - 20 minutes	+3 points +2 points +1 point	4 points

Thank goodness for that exercise, no? ;)

Time	Food	Points	What's Left
Morning	Fasting	0 points	24 points
Noon	2 Slices Homemade Bread 2 tbs Liver Pate 100-calorie Nabisco cookies 1 apple	2.5 points 3.5 points 2 points 1 point	15 points
Evening	1 breast thai chicken 1/2 cup brown rice 2 Hungry Girl's Brownies	5 points 2 points 4 points	4 points
Anytime	BBQ chips - 1 oz Cote d'Or chocolate	3 points 4 points	- 3 points

Too late to get on that treadmill. Pity. Ah well. I remember when Weight Watchers would let you save up your points over the week as opposed to giving you spare points to use. That was a good while back though.

Anyways, from Roni's page, here's a 50 things Meme:
1. Do you like blue cheese? I used to until I learned that it was bad for the immuno-suppressed. Whoops.
2. Have you ever smoked heroin? Yeah, the chick was buggin' me so I smoked her. *blows dust off the end of the gun barrel* Oh wait, that's not what the question meant?
3. Do you own a gun? Just figuratively. *holds up forefinger and thumb* I'm thinking that if I ever live on my own all alone, I wouldn't mind just having one.
4. What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic? I don't but did you hear about the Chocolate Cherry Diet Pepsis? Uuuugh! A crime to tastebuds everywhere.
5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? I get bored out of my mind because the wait last for-ev-ahr!
6. What do you think of hot dogs? They're way too high in points unless they're the fat-free turkey kind and those just don't taste the same. *cry*
7. Favorite Christmas movie? Not a Christmas Movie but I like watching it around that time: Little Women
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Rooibos tea or Spearmint in the summer with ice and sugar.
9. Can you do push ups? Sure can!
10. Freestyle! *boogies* (no question there so, meh, whatever)
11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? Either my dichroic glass earrings (they're amazing how they catch light) or my silver celtic dragon ring.
12. Favorite hobby? Knitting, durrr.
13. Freestyle again! *dances like MCHammer* Can't touch this.
14. Do you have A.D.D.? I almost have the opposite, intense focus!
15. What's one trait you hate about yourself? My tendency towards pessimism and stress. Ergh!
16. Middle name? Guess.
17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment... a. This meme is really long. b. I would rather be knitting. c. It's 11:24 pm, why am I not in my pj's yet?
18. Name 3 things you bought today... Nothing, it's Sunday. Keeping it sacred.
19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? Water, tea, and, the occasional Jones Soda because I'm curious as to what they taste like. M.F.Grape tastes like grape, by the way. I wasn't sure, but now I am.
20. Current worry? I worry about worrying too much over my clinicals, ha! Gotta have faith!
21. Current hate right now? Slacker Jack at the kitchens who left me with too much to do yesterday, the jerk. Grr!
22. Favorite place to be? The tub with lots of bubbles, hot water, and a good book.
23. How did you bring in the New Year? At home feeling exhausted because I had to close and almost sick.
24. Where would you like to go? How much time you got?
25. Name three people who will complete this? Me.
26. Do you own slippers? They're not slippers but I do wear them in the house because it feels wrong to wear them outside (I mean the shoes you got me, sis!)
27. What shirt are you wearing? A sweater/turtleneck.
28. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? Never have but they sound like they'd be slick and kind of cold. Brr, gimme that flannel.
29. Can you whistle? To everyone's chagrin, yes.
30. Favorite color? Purple, burgundy, green.
31. Would you be a pirate? And get a sunburn? Tchah.
32. What songs do you sing in the shower? I don't normally.
33. Favorite girl's name? Ugh, I don't want to think about that. Um, Kirstin's a nice name.
34. Favorite boy's name? Floofy McThunderpants.
35. What's in your pocket right now? Lint and sometimes a stray hair-tie thing but not right now.
36. Last person that made you laugh? Mary did!
37. Best bed sheets as a child? Mine or someone else's? Mine were, um, I dunno. Boring, I didn't think about them.
38. Worst injury you've ever had? Broken kidneys kinda sucked.
39. Do you love where you live? It's a black hole. Not in that I hate it but that I can't seem to leave.
40. How many TVs do you have in your house? 3; basement, living room, parents' bedroom.
41. Who is your loudest friend? Mary. :)
42. How many dogs do you have? Cats? 1 dog, no kitteh
43. Does someone have a crush on you? Don't know, don't care.
44. FREESTYLE III: "I'll take famous titties for 300, Trebeck." "That's titles!"
45. What is your favorite book(s)? Les Miserables, I think. Or something by Robin McKinley.
46. What is your favorite candy? Mmmm Junior Mints.
47. Favorite Sports Team? Uuuugh, sports.
48. What song do you want played at your funeral? The same song as my ringtone: Bittersweet Symphony
49. What were you doing 12 AM last night? I SWEAR I DIDN'T DO IT! And I was here, same bat time, same bat channel.
50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? Hmm, the fact that though I clipped my blister on my big toe of my left foot last night, it hardly ached this morning. Answer to prayers or just a whole lot of antibiotic ointment? Hmmmm.

And I bounce back up again. This is really kind of frustrating and I don't need frustrating right now. I'm studying for clinicals, it would be nice if things would go well. Rrrgh.

Maybe I'll take a page from Roni's book and start publicly posting my weight intake (space cadet). It will make me a little more honest and a little more careful. I seem to be relying too much on the fact that I'm too busy to eat at work to keep my weight down. When I don't work, I pig out. It's not good, I need to learn to say 'no' to the pushers and make better choices. Just...boo. Shame on me. I know better.

And I'll do better this week, too.

Time	Food	Points	What's Left of 24
Morning	1 Slice Homemade Bread 1 tbs Hagelslag	1 point 2.5 points	20.5 points
Noon	1 Slice Homemade Bread 2 tbs Liver Pate 100-calorie Nabisco cookies	1 point 3.5 points 2 points	14 points
Evening	General nibbling at work	3 points	11 points
Anytime	M&Ms	2.5 points	8.5 points