Losing it in Utah now.

It struck me after my Podrunner today, as I was washing my very red face, that I wasn't wheezing. What? No wheezing, no coughing for a few hours until my lungs cleared, no rolling my eyes at myself? Nope. I am clear. And I am incredibly grateful for that. I feel like I've won back some freedom, freedom from my own bad habits and abuse to my body. One less shackle. It may have been the fact that I attempted to eat a little yogurt before I went out so I'd have some protein to work with but I still think this is a bit of a miracle.

I took a less hilly route. Up to the new development, around the loop, down Stockade St. to Trail, across Monterey Way to Sharon Dr, across Stetson, around the loop there and back home, which is a full 2 miles and then some and I ran out of Podrunner at about 1.7 miles but that's alright. I managed to push through every running set, which are now 90 seconds long instead of 60 (oh yeah, laugh, but this little pony doesn't prance a whole lot). I saw all sorts of awesome things:

- A large, fat squirrel who was vaguely bemused and quite sure of himself, knowing he could easily out run me if I even thought to chase him.

- A Chevy truck that I think was made in the 1940s. No, seriously, a restored Chevy truck that works quite well. I think they have a parade of restored old cars because it's not the only vehicle I've seen here that looks like it's straight out of a Buster Keaton film.

- A wooden tombstone leaning against a tree inscribed with the following words: "Here lies the last dog that pooped in our yard!" (*snerk*)

- And the whole world it seems paused at the very precipice of blooming spring, like a dancer waiting for her cue. I think when I go running again on Wednesday, I'll be running among a confetti of blossoms.

You know, it was hard to get out and go today. I wanted to stay home, take a bath, do some reading, watch TV. And even as I was out, a small part of me was whining, "I'm tired. My left hip hurts. My knee wants to hurt. It's bright outside. It's going to be so hot on Wednesday. Running is hard, let's keep walking. Let's take the short way home," and so on, ad nauseum. But then there was an even smaller part of me going "Man, I lost 2.2 pounds last week. I even got a hug from my WW teacher! And it's so nice outside. I'm glad it's 47 degrees out, the air's so crisp and look how green everything is. And I feel so very good! And maybe I should take up Tae Kwon Do again, it would be a lot easier this time around."

It's a struggle. I find I hate and love running for all the above reasons. But I am on the path of forgiving myself for all the years of abuse I've put my body through. I'm rewarding myself with good health and a long life. And I am growing.