Losing it in Utah now.

I had all sorts of goodies. Sis gave mom and me a little bag of cheesecake Hershey Kisses to share. Thanks, love.

I had half of the last Utah orange truffle.

I had quite a few M&Ms.

Mom and I split a 4-pack of chocolate covered strawberries.

And I ate a whole caramel almond chocolate covered apple. *sigh*

And tomorrow will be better. I will behave myself like a proper person who does not gorge on chocolate covered fruit. But today was fun and I made memories and the food was very good. Can't blame me for that.

What are you loving about the process right now?

Roni asked this the other day and I have to admit that I do struggle to find what I love about running. It's hard. I sweat like my mother, I get so damp, I have to breathe hard and sometimes I even get a painful stitch in the side (though I use Coach Jenny's suggestions and I exhale when my foot hits the treadmill opposite to the stitch and it goes away within about thirty seconds). It's hard, it's exhausting...and a TOTAL HIGH.

I am getting reacquainted with how absolutely delicious I feel after I run. I want to push myself to run fast but I realize that how fast I go doesn't matter. What matters is that I move! And with the help of Podrunner Intervals, I am moving better, farther, and even faster.

And I am losing weight! I feel good, I am getting a 'star' every day, I have only skipped one or two days because though I exercise every day, I don't get all the exercise I need.

I do struggle with journaling, though, to be honest. I don't think I have actually written down a full day of food for a week. I also had to skip my WW meeting this Tuesday due to a prior engagement and honestly, Tuesday evenings are JUST not my best times.

BUT! I am going to go to the other meeting center I went to before (and received a bad impression) on Saturday morning. I do hope that I have done well enough for all the exercise I put in and made up for going to Wingers last night (icky food, not going again).

You know, though, I'm loving the process. I am taking it a step at a time and I'm rejoicing in my transformation. :)

So after a week of getting back into running again and I mean, I was starting from step ONE, I am feeling the hope again. Monday and Tuesday were the worst days in terms of muscle aches. And man, when my Aunt Sally grabbed my leg (totally friendly greeting), I nearly jumped through the roof! But Wednesday was better. I took a hot bath after I cooled down from the run and my legs were feeling better. And Friday, no pain at all! I'm not losing much weight (and yes, I so gained from the hotel, yikes) because the muscle is coming back, but I think that once my body gets into it, I'll start losing again, answering my challenge of 158 pounds by the end of this month.

I was thinking of some January challenges though. Maybe begin giving up chocolate. it would be incredibly hard. It would be something I would have to start doing hour by hour. It would have to see me through Valentine's. But I hear that one does begin to stop craving it, stop missing it.

Could I get some suggestions on how to do it? Because if I can cut out the chocolate, that would really cut down on a whole lot of empty calories that I tend to sprinkle into my day.

I have a tentative relationship with my scale. Right now, I try to keep myself from weighing myself MORE than every other day. I fret over that number a lot when I really don't need to. It's just a number.

I think I need a different scale. One that doesn't give me numbers but encouragement and praise. One like the one over on Roni’s Weight Loss Blog. So I'm signing up in hopes of getting a free one. I don't *need* it, I have actual self control but dang, this thing sounded adorable. So here's my entry.

I entered the Mary Lou's Weigh Platform Giveaway!

Check out Roni’s Weight Loss Blog for more information.

I hope I get one. If only I knew who Mary Lou was.

So, it's the perfect day for setting some goals, right? So here are mine:

1. Get down to 158 pounds again by December 30.
2. Start running again*.
3. Get into the habit of journaling with WW.

* Okay, I woke up this morning and I immediately thought "There is no way I am going out there to run. It is cold, I'm not used to the altitude and it's warm in my bed." But strangely enough, I woke up in time TO run and couldn't go back to sleep. Oh well, I'd just get up, maybe walk the dog, eat some breakfast. But as soon as I got out of my room and heading for the stairs I realized that WOW, I had some ENERGY! And suddenly I thought "Oh well, it's not like it'll take long." I shoved on my workout clothes, put on my large Westbrook Martial Arts Academy sweatshirt and set my iPod for Podrunner Intervals: First Day to 5k Week 1. Yes, starting from scratch.

But you know, I don't think I could have gone past that. I had a struggle just running in 60 second intervals! But it felt good to run and yes, it was cold but I warmed up. And everything was so tired after, but there was that buzz, the adrenaline, and that feeling that I didn't just improve my body, but I strengthened my spirit.

If I can keep this up regularly, I will be ready for a 5k in 10 weeks. So...mid February. I might sign up for a run then and see if I can't get my friend Kristy involved too. She's a triathlon babe, it'd be fun to run with her. :D

And who knows. I might have lost a little more weight by then.

It is blustery near my new home. Oh yes. But I love it. I can see the windmills from here and I've begun walking again. Daisy comes and we go 1.4 miles twice a day. I'm still not running yet because when you've left off something like that for so long, you feel it. Besides, I am all kinds of sore from all the moving. Living in a basement will give you a workout! As will putting IKEA bookshelves together, surprisingly enough. Along with a few slivers.

And I haven't been journaling my WW either. *sigh* I know, I'm bad. Okay, I'm over it now. I'll start doing better from now on but I've gotta say, upheaval can throw you off in the worst way.

But the best way to do it is to realize that yeah, you'll gain some weight and yeah, that sucks but seriously, I've lost 34 pounds already and though I've gained some back, I can still lose it. Losing weight has gained me that perspective, it's amazing. It's POSSIBLE. It's a matter of hard work and perseverance and CONSTANT VIGILANCE but it's still possible.

Now to get back up on the wagon. Y'all are with me, right? I need a little support! And Thanksgiving right around the corner, oy.

I entered the Gracie Gear Giveaway!

Check out Roni’s Weight Loss Blog for more information.

It has a pocket! For keys and iPods and phones! I want one, preshuss!

I should also mention that I had a bad WW meeting experience. Oh yes, they happen.

It had been two weeks since I had actually been in to go to WW. I thought "Well, I've been traveling and I'm sure I've gained but I need to see where I was so I could restart my weight loss. So I took my WW membership card and headed out to Provo. It took some finding, but I found it and headed in.

Well, first thing I noticed is that the Provo meeting area does not have a computer. I know that the computers are somewhat new, Lawrence didn't have one until last January or so and we all switched from paper to cards. I didn't think much of it until I handed in my card and got The Stink-Eye from the two ladies behind the counter.

"Your card is expired as of three days ago," the woman intoned.

"Well, the new one is in the mail somewhere but I'm not sure where since I just moved from Kansas," I said. "But I'm still a paying member."

"I'll look into it," the woman said, clearly suspecting me of trying to fraudulently lose weight, the nerve. And so they had me stand there for five minutes and I was already nervous because I was absolutely certain I had gained weight. You don't eat cinnamon buns and restaurant food for two weeks without severe consequences, y'know. And the entire time, I was getting nasty looks from the secretaries and the WW leader. At least, until I shifted and my Dragon Keychain flashed out and said hello (mine is gold with blue eyes).

"Is that a dragon?" the leader asked, clearly an exuberant dracophile.

"Yes, I got it when I lost 20 pounds," I said, holding out. Poor thing has been through the wash so the nose is crooked and the horns hide behind its head, but it is still somewhat recognizable.

"That's so cool!" the leader said. That broke the ice enough that the secretary managed to ever-so-graciously allow me to attend the WW meeting.

"But just this once," she said as she stamped my pamphlet. That's right, because I'm never coming back, dracophiles not withstanding. >:(

But I did lose 0.4 pounds, which is about 7.8 pounds LESS than I thought I was going to be when I stepped up on the scale. Heh. I don't mind that at all.

Hopefully I can find a friendlier WW meeting, though. *sigh* Otherwise I'm skipping the meetings from now on.

I went with mom to Macy's today to get a few more cold-weather clothes. My old long-sleeved, warm clothes were all far too big for me so I had to donate them all to Goodwill. But for all the messages my clothes were sending me, my bra size has not changed. I'm still a 36 DD in this Wacoal bra and I keep wondering, my word, am I going to have huge hooters forever? Have I really not slimmed down at all? And then those negative voices began shouting louder than the fact that I am on the verge of fitting into size 10 Lee jeans, that the jeans that once were so tight on me are now baggy, that I can feel my hips and ribs when I lay down to sleep at night. I thought "I'm still fat. I'm still ugly. All this hard work and I can't see it, I can't tell. Nothing's changed."

Then mom and I went into the petite section of Macy's. I picked out some medium-sized sweaters/long-sleeved shirts, still grousing, though now feeling the glow that I was no longer a Large and went to try them on.

To my surprise, two of the tops were, well, BIG! I was not a medium in these tops, I was a SMALL! Do you know when I was last a SMALL? 8 years ago, when I was literally wasting away because of my dying kidney. Unhealthy weight loss and it came back and the fat brought friends. This time, I'm losing weight with effort, hard work, and refined habits.

I need to stop the negative thinking. I need to realize that when I fall, I can always get back up. And I need to take joy in even the smallest of accomplishments.

I have signed up to stop Fat Talking. Will you?

You know, it's hard getting out of bed and going for a run. The morning is the best time for me to do it because it helps me get that start to the day but I am always so tired and easily defeated in the morning.

And I admitted to my best friend that I was 'stuck'. Not physically but mentally, I am stuck. I don't *think* I can run as far as I can. I don't mentally want to. I'm tired. I'm out of breath. I'm sweating like I'd just taken a dunk in a stinky pond. But then it's over and I'm not wobbly, I'm not very tired out, I'm fine and I can only shake my head. I am a silly goose.

Well, I guess next run I'm going to up the time a bit, put it all together, make myself push a bit longer and harder. And stop being such a goose about things!

I went running but it was a bit soon after my menses so I wound up only being able to run about 13 minutes out of 20 before I had to slow down as my thorax cramped up on both side. Oooof. But I figured it was still moving forward and that's the point of running.

I don't think I'm really cut out to be a runner. This won't stop me, but I don't think I'll win races or anything. I haven't even gone on a 5k run yet, though I intend on signing up for one soon, once I move to Utah. Probably one in the spring.

Anyways, other than the pain around the diaphragm and supporting muscles and subsequent wheezing, I feel pretty dang good. No c/o knee pain, ankle soreness r/t changing weather and air pressure relieved after a little running, no weakness or soreness.

Over and out.

I gained this week. I attribute it to:
1. Not journaling accurately and daily
2. Not exercising regularly.

So it's a small set-back but you know, you have to expect that not everything is going to go smoothly. Every little bit is a slip back. But you just can't let it get you down, you have to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep moving.

Watching the Olympics was motivational to say the least. I was especially moved by our Olympic female gymnasts. Shawn Johnson had indomitable spirit and I know she must have had moments of absolute heartache and fear, feelings of defeat and pain, but she moved on and look at her, she was phenomenal. And she did it with grace and humility.

It's not easy to run, you know. I couldn't keep up with Week 7 last week and had to let myself walk parts of the run to keep from throwing up or doing serious injury to myself, but that's okay. I am patient, I will keep running and I will do Week 7 over again this week.

Right! Goals!

- Journal accurately and daily this week!
- Ignore that scale! It's not helpful.
- Focus on more Core-based eating! Mom has a huge container of left-over fruit medley from a picnic, that should really help a lot with getting my fruits and veggies in!

How about everyone else? Anyone have some good suggestions or thoughts about weight loss?

I did really well again this week. I am going on Week 3 of ignoring the urge to weigh myself every single morning and night. I did take a little peek on Wednesday and was so thrilled that I think I did a bit of damage, justifying a little overeating. Oops! But it was another 1.6 pounds and that was awesome! Another 1.6 pounds and I'm right at the very middle of my weightloss journey. How far I've come! I'm very excited.

However, this weekend has not been so great. I've wasted my points on garbage and have nothing to eat when I'm actually hungry! I'm thinking I would love to do Core, but it's not the right time, nor do I have the money for it.

Anyways, this week I'm going to ignore the urge to scale watch again. I'm going to also make it a point to eat a yogurt before I run and I want to make it a point to know the Point amount of all the food I eat BEFORE I eat it. Fewer surprises mean better weight management.

That's all, signing off now. :)

Well, avoiding the scale and working hard seems to have paid off, I lost 1.6 pounds according to the Weight Watcher scale. :D That definitely felt good. So do the muscular legs I'm gaining, watch out now!

One thing I have realized is that I ought to eat something light before I go running. I may not be running intensely but I still need to have something. I have those Weight Watcher yogurts and I think I'll start eating one of those a half hour before I get on the treadmill to make sure that I am not flipping into starvation mode. That would suck.

Blog ya later.

Well, my weight is bouncing about a little and I think the source of the problem is The Scale.

When it comes to The Scale, I would ordinarily weigh myself in the morning. Then it would be before and after I ran. And then I started weighing myself at night too. Are we seeing a trend? Are we seeing an unhealthy trend? So, guess what would happen.

When the scale was low, I would be happy. When I'm happy, I have fewer constraints. Fewer constraints lead to eating more. Then I would weigh myself again in the morning and ew, my weight had gone up! I'd be sad. I'd tighten control. I'd work out more. I'd weigh myself and go "Oh hey, it's gone down again, woohoo!".

But! I managed to recognize this as an unhealthy habit to get into. So last week at Weight Watchers, I grabbed their paper QuikTrak System. The eTools are fantastic but I can't see what I'm doing *wrong* since I haven't figured out how to use their Notes system or go back to previous weeks! With the paper system, I can go back easily. So I watched everything, tracked it all, felt down about my bad habits and realized that it's possible to turn around.

This week I resolved to keep that scale in the cabinet, to watch my Points, and to practice Smarter Eating. I can't say how well it's worked yet but I'll know by Saturday. And if I've gone up, well, then I've gone up and I'll try even better next week. But I think I'm actually doing a lot better than I did last week.

I've also moved past Week 4 of Podrunner Intervals and yesterday I ran 3 five-minute segments. It wasn't as hard as I anticipated! I still don't like running on the treadmill but I find that if I ignore the timer and focus on the little light-indicated 'track', I am less apt to whine inwardly about how long I've run and when I should stop. I guess I need distance-based goals rather than timer-based goals to run towards. :) I can't wait till I move to Utah where it's cooler and drier in the mornings and when I sweat, I actually cool off.

I did actually hit my 10% weight loss goal at Weight Watchers recently. I have the keychain now. And the 16-week goal. And the little shoe charm that indicated that I hit the Activity Goal. Go me! Next one up is the Lifetime goal. That might take a year or two, but that's alright. I read of one woman losing her weight over the course of 6 and a half years. It was at a rate of a half-pound a week, just like me, but she made it! I'll make it, too!

Because I don't think everyone followed me over to the Blog To Lose site, I'll just double post here. I don't mind, really.

It's been a while since I've posted about my weight loss. Frankly, it's because I kind of didn't lose any weight at all. Between my birthday and the fourth, I went up about 2.4 pounds from my 10%. With some real effort, I lost 1.8 of that, so now it's getting over having a period and all *that* joy it brings and trying to eat careful.

I wonder what every other girl does when on her period. My personal cravings end up going all over the place and I just can't seem to stop grazing.

I also can't exercise because I have No Energy. In fact, it can get bad enough that I can't brain at all. I've made mistakes at work because I just can't think as quickly as usual.

What do you ladies do when it's that time of the month and you have no energy or motivation? How do you eat? How do you exercise?

I just signed up for an account over at Blog-To-Lose. I think I'll start keeping up over there, I like the community feel of it all and the ability to chat and keep up with forums. Feel free to join me!


View my page on Blog to Lose

I just ran 20 minutes in a row. No foolin'. And as I started, a hawk flew overhead. Well, I think it was a hawk. I'll call it a hawk. Anyways, I took it as a good omen (I may be Scottish/Dutch/Mutt but I can adopt a few Native American beliefs if they suit me) and began running. It...was hard. I started feeling like I wasn't going to make it by the time I think I hit about 15 minutes. At least it took that long to get exhausted. But I gave a little prayer for endurance, for another wind, for the ability to reach beyond myself and as I turned the curve on Tallgrass Dr., I saw the end of the street and thought "That's gotta be 20 minutes. I can run until there. And if it's beyond that, it's downhill, that will help." Fortunately, my run (determined by the Podrunner Intervals) finished before I got to the end of the street.

I have not run like that since Junior High School. And possibly not even then because I was an ornery little thing and you couldn't make me run for long if I didn't wanna. I think I just ran a mile and a half without stopping and I KNOW I've never run that far. I am so very excited!

I'm also so very exhausted. I had to take a nap, but it was only for 15 minutes and that was just right.

Tomorrow's the weigh-in. I still don't think I lost anything but I AM getting some tremendous thighs. I can tell. My thighs never felt so filled out before!

Anyways, I thought I'd leave you with a screengrab of my running route ala Google Pedometer. It's soon going to have to change, seeing as how I'm outrunning the length!

Today I ran for 8 minutes. Twice. To think that just over a month ago, I couldn't run 60 seconds without aching the day after.

As I ran, I was amazed, even moved to tears that my body has given all I have asked and willingly. The voice inside that has complained about being tired, cold, hot, sore, etc has stopped talking. Honestly, I feel so good.

Friday I run 20 minutes in a row and I am excited to do it. I am sure I can do it. Not that I run fast, I do an old man's shuffle to be honest but as I get stronger, I'll be able to really run fast and far.

My thighs are growing really hard, though. The flab is slipping off. It's so amazing how well my body is responding, forgiving me of past sins. Some day I'll be...everything.

Phew, another tough day of running but you know, 20 minutes of jogging = 3 points? Awesome! I can get that with 45 minutes of walking, too. But hey, jogging is quicker!

So Roni had another Food For Thought:

Do you think visualizing weight loss is important and if so, how do you do it?

Well, what has helped keep me jogging when I would rather just quit and walk instead (though I will quit jogging to make the big black lab keep looking for home and not for a small blond girl to chomp on becuz she's running which equals prey) is visualizing the bad food falling off of me. All those Junior Mints I ate while watching The Forbidden Kingdom yesterday? It all just fell off of me while I ran, or so I visualized, and it helped me feel lighter or at least I pretended that it did. Too much spaghetti? That also fell off. Pizza? That Fufu berry Jones Soda? Splashing on the concrete. It really helped motivate me.

But that's not quite what Roni was aiming for. She mentioned that she actually put up a little virtual model of her weightloss goal in the sidebar of her blog way back in the beginning. And I have to admit, I like playing with the Virtual Model. Especially the "That's where I was, here's where I am, there's where I'm going" part. But it seems to be somewhat broken so I'll post my then, now, soon models when I get the Virtual Model to work.

But speaking of Then, I found some old CDs with pictures in them from LPN school. Whoooh! Chubbo Kit! And the things I wore! Big tunics that came down to my knees, that doesn't make me look any better/taller. Yuck. I'm glad I threw those out.

Ah, it worked.


So, there's the goal. I was there before when my kidney went out and this time I'll do it by eating right, staying healthy, and keeping up with myself.

Did I mention that I love to exercise? For real? I really do.

Podrunner Intervals - Week 4 and I ran it! I did not let Lazy Brat even say a word. No "I'm tired" "I can't find my sunglasses" "It's bright out" or anything else. It was me and Skinny Babe running.

"It's nice and cool outside, isn't it?"
"Look how green everything is!"
"You just ran FIVE MINUTES STRAIGHT, HOW COOL IS THAT!?"

And just to show you how it went:
BPM CHART:
5-minute warmup @ 129 bpm
3 minutes @ 140 bpm
90 seconds @ 130 bpm
5 minutes @ 140 bpm
2 minutes 30 seconds @ 130 bpm
3 minutes @ 140 bpm
90 seconds @ 130 bpm
5 minutes @ 140 bpm
Two minute cooldown @ 130 bpm

At the end, my legs were just moving like heavy pendulums and I wanted to walk so bad but I didn't. I think I deserve some fun time downtown for doing this.

As for my weight, well, um, it's kind of been fluctuating like crazy. I was 165.2 at Weight Watchers but the next day I was 163.4 on my home scale which is always about 0.5 pounds off from the WW scales so, well, it's coming off one way or another.

And because I can't think of much else to post, I'll just give you Michael Nelson AS Lord of the Dance!