Losing it in Utah now.

So after a week of getting back into running again and I mean, I was starting from step ONE, I am feeling the hope again. Monday and Tuesday were the worst days in terms of muscle aches. And man, when my Aunt Sally grabbed my leg (totally friendly greeting), I nearly jumped through the roof! But Wednesday was better. I took a hot bath after I cooled down from the run and my legs were feeling better. And Friday, no pain at all! I'm not losing much weight (and yes, I so gained from the hotel, yikes) because the muscle is coming back, but I think that once my body gets into it, I'll start losing again, answering my challenge of 158 pounds by the end of this month.

I was thinking of some January challenges though. Maybe begin giving up chocolate. it would be incredibly hard. It would be something I would have to start doing hour by hour. It would have to see me through Valentine's. But I hear that one does begin to stop craving it, stop missing it.

Could I get some suggestions on how to do it? Because if I can cut out the chocolate, that would really cut down on a whole lot of empty calories that I tend to sprinkle into my day.

I have a tentative relationship with my scale. Right now, I try to keep myself from weighing myself MORE than every other day. I fret over that number a lot when I really don't need to. It's just a number.

I think I need a different scale. One that doesn't give me numbers but encouragement and praise. One like the one over on Roni’s Weight Loss Blog. So I'm signing up in hopes of getting a free one. I don't *need* it, I have actual self control but dang, this thing sounded adorable. So here's my entry.

I entered the Mary Lou's Weigh Platform Giveaway!

Check out Roni’s Weight Loss Blog for more information.

I hope I get one. If only I knew who Mary Lou was.

So, it's the perfect day for setting some goals, right? So here are mine:

1. Get down to 158 pounds again by December 30.
2. Start running again*.
3. Get into the habit of journaling with WW.

* Okay, I woke up this morning and I immediately thought "There is no way I am going out there to run. It is cold, I'm not used to the altitude and it's warm in my bed." But strangely enough, I woke up in time TO run and couldn't go back to sleep. Oh well, I'd just get up, maybe walk the dog, eat some breakfast. But as soon as I got out of my room and heading for the stairs I realized that WOW, I had some ENERGY! And suddenly I thought "Oh well, it's not like it'll take long." I shoved on my workout clothes, put on my large Westbrook Martial Arts Academy sweatshirt and set my iPod for Podrunner Intervals: First Day to 5k Week 1. Yes, starting from scratch.

But you know, I don't think I could have gone past that. I had a struggle just running in 60 second intervals! But it felt good to run and yes, it was cold but I warmed up. And everything was so tired after, but there was that buzz, the adrenaline, and that feeling that I didn't just improve my body, but I strengthened my spirit.

If I can keep this up regularly, I will be ready for a 5k in 10 weeks. So...mid February. I might sign up for a run then and see if I can't get my friend Kristy involved too. She's a triathlon babe, it'd be fun to run with her. :D

And who knows. I might have lost a little more weight by then.

It is blustery near my new home. Oh yes. But I love it. I can see the windmills from here and I've begun walking again. Daisy comes and we go 1.4 miles twice a day. I'm still not running yet because when you've left off something like that for so long, you feel it. Besides, I am all kinds of sore from all the moving. Living in a basement will give you a workout! As will putting IKEA bookshelves together, surprisingly enough. Along with a few slivers.

And I haven't been journaling my WW either. *sigh* I know, I'm bad. Okay, I'm over it now. I'll start doing better from now on but I've gotta say, upheaval can throw you off in the worst way.

But the best way to do it is to realize that yeah, you'll gain some weight and yeah, that sucks but seriously, I've lost 34 pounds already and though I've gained some back, I can still lose it. Losing weight has gained me that perspective, it's amazing. It's POSSIBLE. It's a matter of hard work and perseverance and CONSTANT VIGILANCE but it's still possible.

Now to get back up on the wagon. Y'all are with me, right? I need a little support! And Thanksgiving right around the corner, oy.

I entered the Gracie Gear Giveaway!

Check out Roni’s Weight Loss Blog for more information.

It has a pocket! For keys and iPods and phones! I want one, preshuss!

I should also mention that I had a bad WW meeting experience. Oh yes, they happen.

It had been two weeks since I had actually been in to go to WW. I thought "Well, I've been traveling and I'm sure I've gained but I need to see where I was so I could restart my weight loss. So I took my WW membership card and headed out to Provo. It took some finding, but I found it and headed in.

Well, first thing I noticed is that the Provo meeting area does not have a computer. I know that the computers are somewhat new, Lawrence didn't have one until last January or so and we all switched from paper to cards. I didn't think much of it until I handed in my card and got The Stink-Eye from the two ladies behind the counter.

"Your card is expired as of three days ago," the woman intoned.

"Well, the new one is in the mail somewhere but I'm not sure where since I just moved from Kansas," I said. "But I'm still a paying member."

"I'll look into it," the woman said, clearly suspecting me of trying to fraudulently lose weight, the nerve. And so they had me stand there for five minutes and I was already nervous because I was absolutely certain I had gained weight. You don't eat cinnamon buns and restaurant food for two weeks without severe consequences, y'know. And the entire time, I was getting nasty looks from the secretaries and the WW leader. At least, until I shifted and my Dragon Keychain flashed out and said hello (mine is gold with blue eyes).

"Is that a dragon?" the leader asked, clearly an exuberant dracophile.

"Yes, I got it when I lost 20 pounds," I said, holding out. Poor thing has been through the wash so the nose is crooked and the horns hide behind its head, but it is still somewhat recognizable.

"That's so cool!" the leader said. That broke the ice enough that the secretary managed to ever-so-graciously allow me to attend the WW meeting.

"But just this once," she said as she stamped my pamphlet. That's right, because I'm never coming back, dracophiles not withstanding. >:(

But I did lose 0.4 pounds, which is about 7.8 pounds LESS than I thought I was going to be when I stepped up on the scale. Heh. I don't mind that at all.

Hopefully I can find a friendlier WW meeting, though. *sigh* Otherwise I'm skipping the meetings from now on.

I went with mom to Macy's today to get a few more cold-weather clothes. My old long-sleeved, warm clothes were all far too big for me so I had to donate them all to Goodwill. But for all the messages my clothes were sending me, my bra size has not changed. I'm still a 36 DD in this Wacoal bra and I keep wondering, my word, am I going to have huge hooters forever? Have I really not slimmed down at all? And then those negative voices began shouting louder than the fact that I am on the verge of fitting into size 10 Lee jeans, that the jeans that once were so tight on me are now baggy, that I can feel my hips and ribs when I lay down to sleep at night. I thought "I'm still fat. I'm still ugly. All this hard work and I can't see it, I can't tell. Nothing's changed."

Then mom and I went into the petite section of Macy's. I picked out some medium-sized sweaters/long-sleeved shirts, still grousing, though now feeling the glow that I was no longer a Large and went to try them on.

To my surprise, two of the tops were, well, BIG! I was not a medium in these tops, I was a SMALL! Do you know when I was last a SMALL? 8 years ago, when I was literally wasting away because of my dying kidney. Unhealthy weight loss and it came back and the fat brought friends. This time, I'm losing weight with effort, hard work, and refined habits.

I need to stop the negative thinking. I need to realize that when I fall, I can always get back up. And I need to take joy in even the smallest of accomplishments.

I have signed up to stop Fat Talking. Will you?

You know, it's hard getting out of bed and going for a run. The morning is the best time for me to do it because it helps me get that start to the day but I am always so tired and easily defeated in the morning.

And I admitted to my best friend that I was 'stuck'. Not physically but mentally, I am stuck. I don't *think* I can run as far as I can. I don't mentally want to. I'm tired. I'm out of breath. I'm sweating like I'd just taken a dunk in a stinky pond. But then it's over and I'm not wobbly, I'm not very tired out, I'm fine and I can only shake my head. I am a silly goose.

Well, I guess next run I'm going to up the time a bit, put it all together, make myself push a bit longer and harder. And stop being such a goose about things!

I went running but it was a bit soon after my menses so I wound up only being able to run about 13 minutes out of 20 before I had to slow down as my thorax cramped up on both side. Oooof. But I figured it was still moving forward and that's the point of running.

I don't think I'm really cut out to be a runner. This won't stop me, but I don't think I'll win races or anything. I haven't even gone on a 5k run yet, though I intend on signing up for one soon, once I move to Utah. Probably one in the spring.

Anyways, other than the pain around the diaphragm and supporting muscles and subsequent wheezing, I feel pretty dang good. No c/o knee pain, ankle soreness r/t changing weather and air pressure relieved after a little running, no weakness or soreness.

Over and out.

I gained this week. I attribute it to:
1. Not journaling accurately and daily
2. Not exercising regularly.

So it's a small set-back but you know, you have to expect that not everything is going to go smoothly. Every little bit is a slip back. But you just can't let it get you down, you have to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep moving.

Watching the Olympics was motivational to say the least. I was especially moved by our Olympic female gymnasts. Shawn Johnson had indomitable spirit and I know she must have had moments of absolute heartache and fear, feelings of defeat and pain, but she moved on and look at her, she was phenomenal. And she did it with grace and humility.

It's not easy to run, you know. I couldn't keep up with Week 7 last week and had to let myself walk parts of the run to keep from throwing up or doing serious injury to myself, but that's okay. I am patient, I will keep running and I will do Week 7 over again this week.

Right! Goals!

- Journal accurately and daily this week!
- Ignore that scale! It's not helpful.
- Focus on more Core-based eating! Mom has a huge container of left-over fruit medley from a picnic, that should really help a lot with getting my fruits and veggies in!

How about everyone else? Anyone have some good suggestions or thoughts about weight loss?

I did really well again this week. I am going on Week 3 of ignoring the urge to weigh myself every single morning and night. I did take a little peek on Wednesday and was so thrilled that I think I did a bit of damage, justifying a little overeating. Oops! But it was another 1.6 pounds and that was awesome! Another 1.6 pounds and I'm right at the very middle of my weightloss journey. How far I've come! I'm very excited.

However, this weekend has not been so great. I've wasted my points on garbage and have nothing to eat when I'm actually hungry! I'm thinking I would love to do Core, but it's not the right time, nor do I have the money for it.

Anyways, this week I'm going to ignore the urge to scale watch again. I'm going to also make it a point to eat a yogurt before I run and I want to make it a point to know the Point amount of all the food I eat BEFORE I eat it. Fewer surprises mean better weight management.

That's all, signing off now. :)

Well, avoiding the scale and working hard seems to have paid off, I lost 1.6 pounds according to the Weight Watcher scale. :D That definitely felt good. So do the muscular legs I'm gaining, watch out now!

One thing I have realized is that I ought to eat something light before I go running. I may not be running intensely but I still need to have something. I have those Weight Watcher yogurts and I think I'll start eating one of those a half hour before I get on the treadmill to make sure that I am not flipping into starvation mode. That would suck.

Blog ya later.

Well, my weight is bouncing about a little and I think the source of the problem is The Scale.

When it comes to The Scale, I would ordinarily weigh myself in the morning. Then it would be before and after I ran. And then I started weighing myself at night too. Are we seeing a trend? Are we seeing an unhealthy trend? So, guess what would happen.

When the scale was low, I would be happy. When I'm happy, I have fewer constraints. Fewer constraints lead to eating more. Then I would weigh myself again in the morning and ew, my weight had gone up! I'd be sad. I'd tighten control. I'd work out more. I'd weigh myself and go "Oh hey, it's gone down again, woohoo!".

But! I managed to recognize this as an unhealthy habit to get into. So last week at Weight Watchers, I grabbed their paper QuikTrak System. The eTools are fantastic but I can't see what I'm doing *wrong* since I haven't figured out how to use their Notes system or go back to previous weeks! With the paper system, I can go back easily. So I watched everything, tracked it all, felt down about my bad habits and realized that it's possible to turn around.

This week I resolved to keep that scale in the cabinet, to watch my Points, and to practice Smarter Eating. I can't say how well it's worked yet but I'll know by Saturday. And if I've gone up, well, then I've gone up and I'll try even better next week. But I think I'm actually doing a lot better than I did last week.

I've also moved past Week 4 of Podrunner Intervals and yesterday I ran 3 five-minute segments. It wasn't as hard as I anticipated! I still don't like running on the treadmill but I find that if I ignore the timer and focus on the little light-indicated 'track', I am less apt to whine inwardly about how long I've run and when I should stop. I guess I need distance-based goals rather than timer-based goals to run towards. :) I can't wait till I move to Utah where it's cooler and drier in the mornings and when I sweat, I actually cool off.

I did actually hit my 10% weight loss goal at Weight Watchers recently. I have the keychain now. And the 16-week goal. And the little shoe charm that indicated that I hit the Activity Goal. Go me! Next one up is the Lifetime goal. That might take a year or two, but that's alright. I read of one woman losing her weight over the course of 6 and a half years. It was at a rate of a half-pound a week, just like me, but she made it! I'll make it, too!

Because I don't think everyone followed me over to the Blog To Lose site, I'll just double post here. I don't mind, really.

It's been a while since I've posted about my weight loss. Frankly, it's because I kind of didn't lose any weight at all. Between my birthday and the fourth, I went up about 2.4 pounds from my 10%. With some real effort, I lost 1.8 of that, so now it's getting over having a period and all *that* joy it brings and trying to eat careful.

I wonder what every other girl does when on her period. My personal cravings end up going all over the place and I just can't seem to stop grazing.

I also can't exercise because I have No Energy. In fact, it can get bad enough that I can't brain at all. I've made mistakes at work because I just can't think as quickly as usual.

What do you ladies do when it's that time of the month and you have no energy or motivation? How do you eat? How do you exercise?

I just signed up for an account over at Blog-To-Lose. I think I'll start keeping up over there, I like the community feel of it all and the ability to chat and keep up with forums. Feel free to join me!


View my page on Blog to Lose

I just ran 20 minutes in a row. No foolin'. And as I started, a hawk flew overhead. Well, I think it was a hawk. I'll call it a hawk. Anyways, I took it as a good omen (I may be Scottish/Dutch/Mutt but I can adopt a few Native American beliefs if they suit me) and began running. It...was hard. I started feeling like I wasn't going to make it by the time I think I hit about 15 minutes. At least it took that long to get exhausted. But I gave a little prayer for endurance, for another wind, for the ability to reach beyond myself and as I turned the curve on Tallgrass Dr., I saw the end of the street and thought "That's gotta be 20 minutes. I can run until there. And if it's beyond that, it's downhill, that will help." Fortunately, my run (determined by the Podrunner Intervals) finished before I got to the end of the street.

I have not run like that since Junior High School. And possibly not even then because I was an ornery little thing and you couldn't make me run for long if I didn't wanna. I think I just ran a mile and a half without stopping and I KNOW I've never run that far. I am so very excited!

I'm also so very exhausted. I had to take a nap, but it was only for 15 minutes and that was just right.

Tomorrow's the weigh-in. I still don't think I lost anything but I AM getting some tremendous thighs. I can tell. My thighs never felt so filled out before!

Anyways, I thought I'd leave you with a screengrab of my running route ala Google Pedometer. It's soon going to have to change, seeing as how I'm outrunning the length!

Today I ran for 8 minutes. Twice. To think that just over a month ago, I couldn't run 60 seconds without aching the day after.

As I ran, I was amazed, even moved to tears that my body has given all I have asked and willingly. The voice inside that has complained about being tired, cold, hot, sore, etc has stopped talking. Honestly, I feel so good.

Friday I run 20 minutes in a row and I am excited to do it. I am sure I can do it. Not that I run fast, I do an old man's shuffle to be honest but as I get stronger, I'll be able to really run fast and far.

My thighs are growing really hard, though. The flab is slipping off. It's so amazing how well my body is responding, forgiving me of past sins. Some day I'll be...everything.

Phew, another tough day of running but you know, 20 minutes of jogging = 3 points? Awesome! I can get that with 45 minutes of walking, too. But hey, jogging is quicker!

So Roni had another Food For Thought:

Do you think visualizing weight loss is important and if so, how do you do it?

Well, what has helped keep me jogging when I would rather just quit and walk instead (though I will quit jogging to make the big black lab keep looking for home and not for a small blond girl to chomp on becuz she's running which equals prey) is visualizing the bad food falling off of me. All those Junior Mints I ate while watching The Forbidden Kingdom yesterday? It all just fell off of me while I ran, or so I visualized, and it helped me feel lighter or at least I pretended that it did. Too much spaghetti? That also fell off. Pizza? That Fufu berry Jones Soda? Splashing on the concrete. It really helped motivate me.

But that's not quite what Roni was aiming for. She mentioned that she actually put up a little virtual model of her weightloss goal in the sidebar of her blog way back in the beginning. And I have to admit, I like playing with the Virtual Model. Especially the "That's where I was, here's where I am, there's where I'm going" part. But it seems to be somewhat broken so I'll post my then, now, soon models when I get the Virtual Model to work.

But speaking of Then, I found some old CDs with pictures in them from LPN school. Whoooh! Chubbo Kit! And the things I wore! Big tunics that came down to my knees, that doesn't make me look any better/taller. Yuck. I'm glad I threw those out.

Ah, it worked.


So, there's the goal. I was there before when my kidney went out and this time I'll do it by eating right, staying healthy, and keeping up with myself.

Did I mention that I love to exercise? For real? I really do.

Podrunner Intervals - Week 4 and I ran it! I did not let Lazy Brat even say a word. No "I'm tired" "I can't find my sunglasses" "It's bright out" or anything else. It was me and Skinny Babe running.

"It's nice and cool outside, isn't it?"
"Look how green everything is!"
"You just ran FIVE MINUTES STRAIGHT, HOW COOL IS THAT!?"

And just to show you how it went:
BPM CHART:
5-minute warmup @ 129 bpm
3 minutes @ 140 bpm
90 seconds @ 130 bpm
5 minutes @ 140 bpm
2 minutes 30 seconds @ 130 bpm
3 minutes @ 140 bpm
90 seconds @ 130 bpm
5 minutes @ 140 bpm
Two minute cooldown @ 130 bpm

At the end, my legs were just moving like heavy pendulums and I wanted to walk so bad but I didn't. I think I deserve some fun time downtown for doing this.

As for my weight, well, um, it's kind of been fluctuating like crazy. I was 165.2 at Weight Watchers but the next day I was 163.4 on my home scale which is always about 0.5 pounds off from the WW scales so, well, it's coming off one way or another.

And because I can't think of much else to post, I'll just give you Michael Nelson AS Lord of the Dance!

It struck me after my Podrunner today, as I was washing my very red face, that I wasn't wheezing. What? No wheezing, no coughing for a few hours until my lungs cleared, no rolling my eyes at myself? Nope. I am clear. And I am incredibly grateful for that. I feel like I've won back some freedom, freedom from my own bad habits and abuse to my body. One less shackle. It may have been the fact that I attempted to eat a little yogurt before I went out so I'd have some protein to work with but I still think this is a bit of a miracle.

I took a less hilly route. Up to the new development, around the loop, down Stockade St. to Trail, across Monterey Way to Sharon Dr, across Stetson, around the loop there and back home, which is a full 2 miles and then some and I ran out of Podrunner at about 1.7 miles but that's alright. I managed to push through every running set, which are now 90 seconds long instead of 60 (oh yeah, laugh, but this little pony doesn't prance a whole lot). I saw all sorts of awesome things:

- A large, fat squirrel who was vaguely bemused and quite sure of himself, knowing he could easily out run me if I even thought to chase him.

- A Chevy truck that I think was made in the 1940s. No, seriously, a restored Chevy truck that works quite well. I think they have a parade of restored old cars because it's not the only vehicle I've seen here that looks like it's straight out of a Buster Keaton film.

- A wooden tombstone leaning against a tree inscribed with the following words: "Here lies the last dog that pooped in our yard!" (*snerk*)

- And the whole world it seems paused at the very precipice of blooming spring, like a dancer waiting for her cue. I think when I go running again on Wednesday, I'll be running among a confetti of blossoms.

You know, it was hard to get out and go today. I wanted to stay home, take a bath, do some reading, watch TV. And even as I was out, a small part of me was whining, "I'm tired. My left hip hurts. My knee wants to hurt. It's bright outside. It's going to be so hot on Wednesday. Running is hard, let's keep walking. Let's take the short way home," and so on, ad nauseum. But then there was an even smaller part of me going "Man, I lost 2.2 pounds last week. I even got a hug from my WW teacher! And it's so nice outside. I'm glad it's 47 degrees out, the air's so crisp and look how green everything is. And I feel so very good! And maybe I should take up Tae Kwon Do again, it would be a lot easier this time around."

It's a struggle. I find I hate and love running for all the above reasons. But I am on the path of forgiving myself for all the years of abuse I've put my body through. I'm rewarding myself with good health and a long life. And I am growing.

Last night I decided that the cold would not stop me from getting that last day of Podrunner Intervals Week 1 done. I headed into the basement, put on a tv show and got on the old treadmill. Let me tell you, walking and jogging on a treadmill is far more treacherous than walking and jogging out of doors. I kept having to grab onto the bar when switching to keep from tripping. And then I had to keep shifting the speed of the treadmill. But on the other hand, I wasn't freezing, I didn't run up hills, and at the meeting this morning, I had dropped 2.2 pounds. Awesome!

I'm so keeping this up, though. And next week it will be warmer. I hope.

I didn't realize on Monday with Podrunner: Intervals that one is supposed to alternately walk and jog! I am not a runner but DJ Steve does not make you run hard or long, it's more of a prance. But me being the wheezy person I am, I had to walk through one and a half jog-sessions. A half hour later, I'm still coughing and wheezing but I think that'll improve once allergy season passes. But I feel so very AMAZING! No wonder runners get addicted, this is definitely a most marvelous high. And somehow it boosted my spiritual closeness too.

So I am keeping it up. Perhaps this Prancing Pony can prance all the way through a 5k!

I was so incredibly bad this weekend. No point counting and so much garbage in. And when I fill myself with garbage, that's how I feel. Like garbage. Uuugh. I'm sure I'm not alone and even Roni covered the same sort of feeling. When you eat poorly, you feel poorly. It's so much easier to say 'no' to bad food when you're on a high, like it's harder to diss yourself when you're feeling good.

So today is a new start. For one, I started Podrunner Intervals. I'm on Day 1 of Week 1 and it was really a lot of fun. It progressively gets faster but it goes up and down so that you're only going REALLY FAST for a little bit.

Tomorrow, I do some muscle toning exercises. If you use it, you lose it. ;)

I have been very slacking in tracking my points and that means that I'm stuck. My sick-weight-loss all came back, which is fine by me, honestly. I knew it was all water and as soon as I could drink my 2-liter-a-day quota, it would all come back. But I guess I'm still somewhat discouraged because I honestly did not bother with points much this week.

In what seems an unrelated series of events, I smashed my iPod in my car (just the top part so the screen is 90% broken but will still flicker a little bit of info if I can find the right part to push, like a tense muscle). And days before that incident, my desktop with all my music and podcasts blue-screened without any hope of return despite what my mother and brother can really do.

So I'm enduring well enough but I had to resubscribe to various podcasts on my laptop (yes, I realize I'm a big spoiled brat, get over it) and realized that Podrunner had something that came out in January (shows how well I pay attention). It's called Podrunner Intervals. It's a program to take people off the couch and on their way to 5k. Each podcast is 20 minutes and goes through a series of speeds and encourages running.

I hate running. I have always hated running but there's something I have learned in my age, sometimes the things you hate can become things you like, perhaps even run. And if other people can do it, so can I. In fact, the one runner I really look up to is my sister. She's had three children and still runs like a gazelle out on the Sahara (that's where one finds them, right?). If she can do it, so can I. Perhaps as I lose weight, I can also lose this asthma that I have found to have. It's just a touch, not anything that needs medicating. It came out during Tae Kwon Do and it was hard to breathe when I had to run, but I knew how to power through it and I knew when to stop just a bit to keep going.

The weather is improving, let's go!

I was sick yesterday. Really sick. Ever hear of the term "butt-pee"? I know, really really crude but that's what I had. I was so incredibly ill that I had to call off work and then slept in between dashes to the bathroom. I would have taken a pill or three if I could have found them but Dad had the same thing last weekend and took his pills with him. Guh!

Eventually I talked with mom and she guided me to pills and that's when I turned around. But I hardly ate anything at all other than a glass of ginger ale to give me some energy because I was so weak that standing up caused my vision to cloud with brilliant dark stars. Ooof!

Anyways, I lost 3.4 pounds to the porcelain god. All that liquid, I'll be drinking my two liters and then some today, that's for sure. But I'm feeling better! I woke up all hot and clammy which usually means that my fever has broken. Thank goodness. I'm still shaky but I'll have to hurry up and feel better because I have to work tonight. I'll be sure to tell my boss what I lost, though. Just so he knows I really wasn't faking when I called in yesterday. *sigh*

If only it wasn't mom's birthday today and I had lots planned. Stupid work.

I dropped by for a meeting today rather than the usual Saturday because I'll be taking my Clinicals then.

I've not been counting my points or even exercising, all caught up in this Exam of all Exams but somehow I managed to actually break through my plateau. Maybe that's all a body needs sometimes, just a little break from stressing about weight and worrying about something else.

Or maybe I'm just crazy.

Ah well, 5 more pounds till I hit that 10%!

I haven't updated much, haven't really considered reporting my intake because it's kind of embarrassing but then I read Roni's Weight Watchen Question of the Week and I had to ask myself that question.

You know, I've gone through my life wearing all different shapes, mostly pear-ish ones. I've been super thin and I've been obese but there are a few things I have always loved.

1. I love my hair. Always have. From back when it was thick and coarse and wild and I used to put a chemical stripper in it because the meds just built up in it like crazy to now where it's thin, silky, prone to curl, and kept on the shortish side of medium length because I no longer can stand it down to my hips. I have dyed it a few times but ever since my scalp exploded in a massive bad reaction, I've kept it undyed. In the winter it goes kind of honey-dark and in the summer, it's kind of a dirty blond.

2. My feet. I find them to be the one feature that doesn't change whether I'm obese or thin. And they're sweet and small and have kind of cute freckles (or moles) on the right foot, lateral side.

3. My eyes, which are a grey-blue when I don't put my contacts in. They're a little more blue with the contacts because the contacts are tinted in case I drop them (and I have). They show up well enough on white tile. They're also large. I have the wild eyes of my father's side of the family, those huge expressive eyes that could possibly look mad if I really tried.

That's it for now. The rest of me I'm getting along with so far.

You know, I've been stuck without being able to get lower for some time now. It's, of course, frustrating but then my WW email came in today. And there was a little article that kind of opened my eyes and, well, made me blush because I SO do this...

I don't count Saturdays or Sundays on my Points plan. I eat like a horse and I just kind of shrug and figure that I'll start really working it out during the week. I indulge in a Twilight Zone.

The twilight zone is a time during which a member chooses not to count their POINTS values or eat Core foods, and instead indulges with reckless abandon in foods that they otherwise might carefully portion control. Sometimes the vacation from counting POINTS values is not just between weigh-in and the next morning, but extends to certain holidays, holy days, and full-moon nights.

And this past weekend, boy did I go to town. Cherry Cordial Kisses were on sale and I didn't demolish the WHOLE bag but I'll admit, there's not much left. *twitch* I feel a little like an alcoholic waking up with a hangover, though. What did I just do to myself? Why?

Fortunately, this body is forgiving. I'll just have to suck it up and re-learn the old lessons.

There's not an overnight cure, but attending meetings, watching my emotional responses and focusing on my true goals have made them happen less and less frequently. I try to remind myself: "If I always do what I always did, I will always get what I always got.

Now to close that pantry door. Bothersome thing.

Well, clearly this attempt to eat more Core helped last week. So did documenting publicly everything I ate. I felt an obligation to eat better because I was just embarrassed to share my 'bad food'.

This weekend I abandoned recording and I was just naughty. So back to healing and making up for naughtiness this week. I can go down another pound!

So, my eating for today:

Time	Food	Points	What's Left
Morning	Oatmeal w/ water (ick)	3 points	21 points
Noon	1 can tuna with water 2 tbs fat-free mayo 1 cup celery 5 tortilla chips	4 points 0.5 points 0 points 1.5 points	15 points
Evening	1 cup chili con-carne	6 points	9 points
Anytime	3 small cookies 1 cup celery 1 tbs french onion dip 1 apple 1 cup brewed herbal tea 0.5 tbs sugar	5 points 0 points 0.5 points 1 point 0 points 1 point	1.5 points

I've been focusing more on Core food. Lean ham, lots of fruits, veggies and fiber! Yeee-haw, fiber! But it hasn't been totally successful. Still, I'm making an effort and I think there's a bit of a difference made, certainly in the, uh, end. *ahem*
Yesterday:

Time	Food	Points	What's Left
Morning	Oatmeal w/ Silk	4 points	20 points
Noon	1 cup pineapple Progresso Soup Light 1 small apple	1 point 0 points 1 point	18 points
Evening	1 cup whole wheat spaghetti 1/2 cup spaghetti sauce	3 points 2 points	13 points
Anytime	1 KitKat bar 1 1/2 cups carrots 1 tbs french onion dip 1/2 oz pine nuts 1 cup sour pickles	5 points 1 points 0.5 points 2 points 0 points	4.5 points
Activities	Weight lifting	2 points	+ 2 points

And today (kind of went rogue):

Time	Food	Points	What's Left
Morning	Oatmeal w/ Silk	4 points	20 points
Noon	2 slices cheese pizza 2 cups carrots 2 tbs french onion dip	7.5 points 1.5 points 1 points	10 points
Evening	1 slice high-fiber bread 1 tbs liver pate	1 point 2 point	7 points
Anytime	1 oz bbq chips 1 cup herbal tea 1 tbs sugar 1 cup pineapple 1/2 svg cheese puffs	3 points 0 points 1 point 1 point 3 points	0 points
Activity	Treadmill for 45 minutes	3 points	+3 points

Be careful, those cashews are serious business:
(embedded movie here)

Here's what I ate today:

Time	Food	Points	What's Left
Morning	Oatmeal w/ Silk	4 points	20 points
Noon	2 Slices Homemade Bread 2 tbs Liver Pate 1 Hungry Girl's Brownies	2.5 points 3.5 points 2 points	12 points
Evening	14 cashews 2 cocktail smokies 1 donut hole 1 serving Progresso Light Soup	4 points 1.5 points 1.5 points 0 points	5 points
Anytime	2 mini Kit Kat bars Weight Watchers yogurt	3.5 points 1 points	0.5 points

I did a lot of walking, too, so I don't know if that counts or not. I need to invest in a pedometer of some sort.

Ellen tries out the Hawaii Chair:


Personally, I'm all for the usual treadmill. I'm too clumsy to sit in a dang chair. And sometimes even the treadmill is treacherous.

Today's feeding:

Time	Food	Points	What's Left
Morning	Oatmeal w/ Silk	4 points	20 points
Noon	1 Slice Homemade Bread 1 tbs Liver Pate 100-calorie Nabisco cookies 1 apple	1 points 2 points 2 points 1 point	14 points
Evening	3 oz cooked roast beef 1/2 tbsp gravy 1/2 serving boiled potatoes 2 cups herbal tea 2 tsp sugar	5 points 0.5 points 1 point 0 points 1 point	6.5 points
Anytime	2 Hungry Girl's Brownies BBQ chips - 1 oz 3 mini Kit Kat bars Weight Watchers yogurt	2 points 2 points 3.5 points 1 point	- 2 points
Activities	Treadmill - 50 minutes Strength training - 30 minutes Leisurely Walk - 20 minutes	+3 points +2 points +1 point	4 points

Thank goodness for that exercise, no? ;)

Time	Food	Points	What's Left
Morning	Fasting	0 points	24 points
Noon	2 Slices Homemade Bread 2 tbs Liver Pate 100-calorie Nabisco cookies 1 apple	2.5 points 3.5 points 2 points 1 point	15 points
Evening	1 breast thai chicken 1/2 cup brown rice 2 Hungry Girl's Brownies	5 points 2 points 4 points	4 points
Anytime	BBQ chips - 1 oz Cote d'Or chocolate	3 points 4 points	- 3 points

Too late to get on that treadmill. Pity. Ah well. I remember when Weight Watchers would let you save up your points over the week as opposed to giving you spare points to use. That was a good while back though.

Anyways, from Roni's page, here's a 50 things Meme:
1. Do you like blue cheese? I used to until I learned that it was bad for the immuno-suppressed. Whoops.
2. Have you ever smoked heroin? Yeah, the chick was buggin' me so I smoked her. *blows dust off the end of the gun barrel* Oh wait, that's not what the question meant?
3. Do you own a gun? Just figuratively. *holds up forefinger and thumb* I'm thinking that if I ever live on my own all alone, I wouldn't mind just having one.
4. What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic? I don't but did you hear about the Chocolate Cherry Diet Pepsis? Uuuugh! A crime to tastebuds everywhere.
5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? I get bored out of my mind because the wait last for-ev-ahr!
6. What do you think of hot dogs? They're way too high in points unless they're the fat-free turkey kind and those just don't taste the same. *cry*
7. Favorite Christmas movie? Not a Christmas Movie but I like watching it around that time: Little Women
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Rooibos tea or Spearmint in the summer with ice and sugar.
9. Can you do push ups? Sure can!
10. Freestyle! *boogies* (no question there so, meh, whatever)
11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? Either my dichroic glass earrings (they're amazing how they catch light) or my silver celtic dragon ring.
12. Favorite hobby? Knitting, durrr.
13. Freestyle again! *dances like MCHammer* Can't touch this.
14. Do you have A.D.D.? I almost have the opposite, intense focus!
15. What's one trait you hate about yourself? My tendency towards pessimism and stress. Ergh!
16. Middle name? Guess.
17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment... a. This meme is really long. b. I would rather be knitting. c. It's 11:24 pm, why am I not in my pj's yet?
18. Name 3 things you bought today... Nothing, it's Sunday. Keeping it sacred.
19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? Water, tea, and, the occasional Jones Soda because I'm curious as to what they taste like. M.F.Grape tastes like grape, by the way. I wasn't sure, but now I am.
20. Current worry? I worry about worrying too much over my clinicals, ha! Gotta have faith!
21. Current hate right now? Slacker Jack at the kitchens who left me with too much to do yesterday, the jerk. Grr!
22. Favorite place to be? The tub with lots of bubbles, hot water, and a good book.
23. How did you bring in the New Year? At home feeling exhausted because I had to close and almost sick.
24. Where would you like to go? How much time you got?
25. Name three people who will complete this? Me.
26. Do you own slippers? They're not slippers but I do wear them in the house because it feels wrong to wear them outside (I mean the shoes you got me, sis!)
27. What shirt are you wearing? A sweater/turtleneck.
28. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? Never have but they sound like they'd be slick and kind of cold. Brr, gimme that flannel.
29. Can you whistle? To everyone's chagrin, yes.
30. Favorite color? Purple, burgundy, green.
31. Would you be a pirate? And get a sunburn? Tchah.
32. What songs do you sing in the shower? I don't normally.
33. Favorite girl's name? Ugh, I don't want to think about that. Um, Kirstin's a nice name.
34. Favorite boy's name? Floofy McThunderpants.
35. What's in your pocket right now? Lint and sometimes a stray hair-tie thing but not right now.
36. Last person that made you laugh? Mary did!
37. Best bed sheets as a child? Mine or someone else's? Mine were, um, I dunno. Boring, I didn't think about them.
38. Worst injury you've ever had? Broken kidneys kinda sucked.
39. Do you love where you live? It's a black hole. Not in that I hate it but that I can't seem to leave.
40. How many TVs do you have in your house? 3; basement, living room, parents' bedroom.
41. Who is your loudest friend? Mary. :)
42. How many dogs do you have? Cats? 1 dog, no kitteh
43. Does someone have a crush on you? Don't know, don't care.
44. FREESTYLE III: "I'll take famous titties for 300, Trebeck." "That's titles!"
45. What is your favorite book(s)? Les Miserables, I think. Or something by Robin McKinley.
46. What is your favorite candy? Mmmm Junior Mints.
47. Favorite Sports Team? Uuuugh, sports.
48. What song do you want played at your funeral? The same song as my ringtone: Bittersweet Symphony
49. What were you doing 12 AM last night? I SWEAR I DIDN'T DO IT! And I was here, same bat time, same bat channel.
50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? Hmm, the fact that though I clipped my blister on my big toe of my left foot last night, it hardly ached this morning. Answer to prayers or just a whole lot of antibiotic ointment? Hmmmm.

And I bounce back up again. This is really kind of frustrating and I don't need frustrating right now. I'm studying for clinicals, it would be nice if things would go well. Rrrgh.

Maybe I'll take a page from Roni's book and start publicly posting my weight intake (space cadet). It will make me a little more honest and a little more careful. I seem to be relying too much on the fact that I'm too busy to eat at work to keep my weight down. When I don't work, I pig out. It's not good, I need to learn to say 'no' to the pushers and make better choices. Just...boo. Shame on me. I know better.

And I'll do better this week, too.

Time	Food	Points	What's Left of 24
Morning	1 Slice Homemade Bread 1 tbs Hagelslag	1 point 2.5 points	20.5 points
Noon	1 Slice Homemade Bread 2 tbs Liver Pate 100-calorie Nabisco cookies	1 point 3.5 points 2 points	14 points
Evening	General nibbling at work	3 points	11 points
Anytime	M&Ms	2.5 points	8.5 points

I have come quite a ways. I remember thinking that 178lbs was it. I'd be happy being there again and that was that. I've gone 10 pounds beyond it and I am pleased as punch. But the walk hasn't been easy.

I grew up my entire life knowing that I was overweight. There existed no doubt in my mind that I was shaped rather like a hobbit. My medication made me so hungry and growing up in Europe where the chocolate is good and the diet tends to be meat and potatoes, it was surprising I didn't end up more of a balloon than I already was. And people thought that I may have had some sort of delusions of svelte-ness because I was frequently reminded of the fact that I was overweight, I had to lose weight, I had to drop pounds. Ohhh really. What a shocker. I had no idea. Gee.

And why did they have to remind me? Growing up was hard enough. Being a DD by age 16 is its own trial without having people call you 'Dolly Parton'. My back may have been sore but my little heart was in more pain and when I got it reduced (and the insurance paid for it), that was a large load off my chest in more ways than one. I still remember the surgeon analyzing me with his butcher eyes and remarking to my mother that I had a surprisingly small waist. I could have kissed that man.

It didn't get much better though and only when my first transplanted kidney began failing did my dreams of weight-loss become realized. The toxins would build and kill my appetite, smothering it in poison with a little cherry on top. And I began dropping everything, clothes sizes and pounds. When I became concerned and brought this up to the doctor, he gave me a cold glance and told me that I had 'plenty to spare'. He may have said that to attempt to be comforting to me, but boy am I glad I didn't know Tae Kwon Do then, I'd have broken my promise to only use it in self-defense and kicked his scrawny little pansy butt right back home to his mama's.

And it scared me. Losing weight like that was one of the most frightening things I had ever experienced. Laughable, right? I had wanted this forever, why was I not embracing this? Because I was dying. I wasn't losing weight in a healthy manner, I was dying. I would go on walks not for health but because it was and still is one of my favorite things to do and I would startle myself by seeing these skeletal hands swing back and forth. I remember standing in a bookstore and as I reviewed the latest in Japanese manga, I would lean against my hip and my elbow slipped easily inside my pelvis. That shouldn't happen. It scared me to bits.

So after the transplant, I had an appetite again and I took full advantage of it. I ate whatever I want because I was alive again! I was living! I had been dying for two full years and now I was coming back! My feet and hands were able to warm up on their own! I could distinguish hunger from nausea because the persistent, constant nausea was gone! And not having learned a thing from losing all that weight, not how to eat properly or to control portions or let myself only eat until I was comfortably, not overwhelmingly full, I gained all that weight and then some.

191 pounds is the largest I have ever been in my life. 114 was my weight just before my transplant so you know how far I'd come. And it wasn't like I decided "Yeah, I guess I better do something" when I hit 191. I realized that being that weight was dangerous and by heaven I didn't want to have to go through kidney-loss again, killing it because I couldn't control myself.

It's been a long and difficult road. I keep optimistic because I know I don't respond well to brow-beating and punishment. I focus on learning new things and applying them. Like how to listen to my body so I know when to say 'Enough, I'm comfortable now' and to drink water so that my body doesn't have to try to get that liquid from food. I've learned to eat better so my body gets the nutrients it needs without having to sift through junk*. I've learned that exercise is fantastic, it brings energy and joy. And I've learned that I must forgive myself and my body of the abuse I've put it through and in return, I will be able to progress.

Finally, I've learned that obesity does not just come overnight and neither does health. Baby steps.



*That's something I learned from 'You Are What You Eat' on the BBCAmerica channel. Sometimes we are hungry because we need particular minerals and vitamins and if we were to eat better, we'd need less but sometimes we don't eat better, just more and the body has to glean what nutrients it can through the junk and it isn't always enough.

I may not get the speed and momentum on a treadmill that I can get by walking outside but it's far too cold out there and far too fun in here! Allow me share some:

(Warning, content is offensive but hilarious)
Firefly Bloopers 2

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If only I had taken a really good dump before I'd gone. Oh, I know, that's disgusting. Sorry. Anyways, I figure this being my cycle and all, by next Thursday I'll be down to a better weight. Heck, I'll be down two after working tonight at that salad bar. I walk a lot and don't eat much while I work. I'm kind of driven when I work, I don't think about food or water (until I'm wrapping up the food and putting it away for the next day, then I sneak some grapes and watermelon).

It was a good 5 degrees Fahrenheit when I stepped out to my car this morning to attend my Weight Watchers meeting. Frost stuck to my car like a melted sticker on wood, it was almost impossible to scrape and what I wanted more than anything, other than to curl back up in bed was a nice cup of tea. Herbal tea, of course. There are some marvelous sites for tea but my three favorite are:
-Adagio (I like Rooibos Berry and Rooibos Vanilla, mm.)
-SBS teas (their Tisanes are marvelous)
-Zhena's Gypsy Tea (I like Red Lavender best)

I grew up with Rooibos tea though back then, I knew it as Masai tea (those crazy Dutch and their peculiar naming of things *chortle*). It's naturally caffeine-free, is low in tannins and is known to be rich in various minerals. And it's just plain yummy.

Now to go drink up the brew I made.

So, checking in on the ol' scale to see where I'm at, I found I gained about a pound or so. Darn that KitKat binge! I 'punished' myself in that I told myself no chocolate today. I can have whatever else, but no chocolate. So I've had carrots and yogurt and I'm sure that if I weigh myself tomorrow, I'm going to be like 2 pounds lighter, but whatever. Maybe not, it's the moooon time again, if you get what I mean and I'm sure any ladies reading this or anyone with a wife/sisters/adolescent daughters will.

I finished up House Season 1 while on the treadmill (going slow 'cuz them blisters are really killer and awkward to walk on) and though I have Season 2 (thank you Borders, it was only $20!) I think I'm going to watch something a little more light-hearted and that doesn't involve things that drive me crazy, medically-speaking (you should have heard me this morning when House got a urine sample by poking a needle into the bladder without disinfecting the area or wearing gloves or ANYTHING! ARGH!). So! Onto Firefly and I can walk with my celebrity crush--


Nathan Fillon! Awww...he makes me wanna squoosh him.

Er, ahem, moving on. I found a really cool blog:
Roni's Weight Watch Page and she's got a real cute and upbeat personality. She also has a really neat recipe site:
GreenLiteBites and even if you're not a WW-er, it's not a big deal because she posts calories, fat (in grams) and fiber so you've got a good idea what you've got already right there. She's on my Bloglines blogroll now and I'm going to start trying a lot of her recipes. :D

On to a good rest of the week and lots of water.

Some more rather interesting articles.

Weightloss Blunders

You're eating less and exercising more. Why won't that belt budge? Even when you feel like you're doing everything right, there are certain behaviors that can still get in the way. Are you guilty of any of these habits?

1. Skipping Breakfast
Running late for work again? Before you bolt out the door on nothing but a cup of coffee, be aware that skipping breakfast can be bad news for weight loss. Chances are, you're going to feel hungry later, and that may be when you have less access to healthy food and are more likely to reach for a donut.

Antidote: Keep something on hand that you can eat on the run, such as fruit, yogurt or fat-free cereal bars. I like eating oatmeal in the morning. Sure, Alton Brown wouldn't feed the instant stuff to his horse but it does keep you full longer.

2. Feasting on Family Favorites
When your kids or spouse have a favorite family meal, it's hard to ban it from your menu list. Family favorites, such as lasagna, are often high in fat and calories.

Antidote: Serve yourself a smaller serving of the main meal and a large serving of vegetables or salad. It's also a good idea to try to find a lower-fat version of the family favorite. Or bother your family into eating with you. Nothing wrong with a little less of the fat and a little more of the veg!

3. Social Overeating
Eating whatever you wanted at a restaurant was okay in the days when people ate out only a few times a year. But these days we eat out every week, if not every day.

Antidote: Search the menu for meals cooked using low-fat methods, such as grilling or stir-frying, and ask for sauces and dressings on the side. That way you can control how much you have. And set a goal to drink a glass of water during your meal. You fill up more quickly and remain hydrated.

4. Not Counting Every Bite
A few potato chips while you open the mail. Just a sliver of cake while you help the kids with their homework. When we snack, we tend to be standing up or have our attention focused on another task. This can lead to thinking the calories "don't count." Unfortunately, they do.

Antidote: Set ground rules, such as "I don't eat in the car or while I'm watching television." And always, always keep track of everything you eat during the day. Knowing you'll have to write it down will make you think twice about having that one bite. I also find that planned portions help. I have 9 dark chocolate Hershey Kisses--oh stop making snooty faces, they might not be "quality" but they're marvelous--and they're 5 points. And since I know that it's almost half a point per chocolate, I can portion out more appropriately.

5. Expecting Too Much Too Soon
After several months of dedication you're down in the dumps—you feel the scale has barely moved. Expecting too much weight loss too soon is an extremely common blunder. A healthy rate of weight loss is up to two pounds a week. But many people aim for more than that, then feel like failures and give up when they don't reach that unrealistically high goal.

Antidote: Make "slow and steady" your mantra. If you really don't believe that one to two pounds amounts to much weight loss, lift two pounds of butter the next time you're at the supermarket. You'll realize how well you're doing.

I finally managed to break the surface of the 70s without being sick the entire week before, thus starving myself because when I feel like ick, I do not eat.

One thing that would really be awesome about losing weight is if I had a buddy to do it with. But I don't have a lot of friends and I don't have ANY friends who are really all that worried about their weight. I'm kind of in my own canoe and while it's fine to just paddle by oneself and do all my own steering, wouldn't it be nice if I had someone to just take a little bit of the strain off, to help motivate me and cheer me on.

But hey, that I got this far on my own? That's totally awesome. I'm going to the WW meeting again next week. I'm going to continue walking every day (except weekends--Saturday is WW day and Sunday is the day of rest) and recording my intake every day. I wasn't perfect last week but I can always do better.

One of my biggest struggles though is that I don't go to bed on time so I don't wake up on time and then I feel like walking for 45 minutes on the treadmill is a total time suck and I'd be able to do more if I just skipped it. What do you guys suggest besides just getting to bed earlier and getting up on time?

Also, what music do you recommend I put in my CD alarm clock? I have it set to a radio station but I hate it and I wake up in a bad mood. But I can't find a good CD that will wake me up and will help me transition into a good, motivated mood. Anyone have any suggestions?

One of the things that really has helped me out as I've worked on healing myself is getting gussied up. I have found a bit of love in putting on make-up, popping in earrings (even if it does mean having to reopen that dang hole if I don't wear them every single day), putting on my favorite and most flattering clothes. So I thought I would share a few things that I do happen to love most in part of putting on my 'armor', my guss.

Clinique's High Definition Lashes Brush Then Comb Mascara

Sure, it's not the green and pink mascara they sell in every magazine. I hear that the makers of that green/pink mascara bribe the mags to boast that they are the best-selling. I wouldn't be surprising, this stuff works far better than any other mascara I've tried, including the green/pink one. It really does help separate and define my blonde lashes. Ah the woes of having such long lashes but they're nigh transparent!

Biosilk

Whether I decide it's a day for curls or straight, I always put this stuff in my hair. I bought a small bottle to try out at Z's Cosmetology and though a little bottle set me back $9 (and that's cheaper than you can get it anywhere else!), it's marvelous. It makes my hair soft and sooo shiny. It also fights frizz, though when I spray down the floors and wash the dishes at the salad bar prep room, nothing can really fight the frizz then. But it's fine to put in the hair every day and only the smallest of droplets is really absolutely necessary. And it smells really really good. Mmm!

And Finally:
Oil Of Olay Complete All Day UV Moisture Lotion

I usually buy Mary Kay moisturizer for my skin but one day I was out! I had nothing for my skin and it being winter, that was Not Good News. So I headed out to my Walgreens, having to pick up my pill anyways and checked out their products. I heard OoO was pretty good and picked up this bottle. I got the Sensitive Skin one because I wanted to be careful. Well, at first I was dubious because it didn't seem very thick but now I'm hooked. It's not greasy at all and after two days of using it, my skin felt so nice and soft. And you can never go wrong with SPF 15!

Anyways, those are three things that I use every day to put a little shine and polish to my body and to make me feel a little bit more special. :) As I make my recovery, I know it doesn't hurt to reward myself for my hard work and give myself a few 'bennies' as Alton Brown puts it.

My mother told me the above as I was losing weight and disgusted with my yo-yo-ing. It has become a rallying cry whenever I gain weight and a reassurance when I see that better weight again.

All this week I've been good with points and Monday and Tuesday I added walking with the good Doctor House. I love the treadmill. I love the ancient giant television. And I especially love TV on DVDs with subtitles. I also love fans that circulate air. When I move out on my own, I will either get my own treadmill or offer to take my parents' treadmill off their hands for them because honestly I am the only one who really uses it. And I want it to keep forever and ever as long as it doesn't break on me again.

I've done poorly, I have to admit. Discount chocolates and snow (which is all gone now, yay!) and too much sitting on my bum has made the pound count creep up. But I made some resolutions! Being the New Year, it's time to change some habits, drop bad ones, make good ones, etc!

So I resolve now to:

- Attend all my Weight Watchers Meetings.
- Walk every morning, blisters not withstanding
- Only check my weight twice a week so I'm not obsessing.
- Log in my intake as often as necessary in a day to keep up.

Yeah, only 4 but hey, I don't need a ton. And, of course, the above are negotiable depending on the ability to do so. So I will only NOT walk if my blisters get so bad that I can't keep up on the treadmill. Or I'll go to all my WW meetings unless the weather is so terrible that I don't dare go out, or I'm too sick to really want to pass it on to others and so on.

Hello New Year!